Ollie Watkins

[German James]

To paraphrase Errol Brown:
It started with a cyst. Never thought it would come to this...

[Smirker]

Any news on Watkins injury, any one know what is wrong with him?

There isn't an injury.

It's man management from Unai. And before people accuse me of saying that makes him a liar, it is really not uncommon for a manager to say a player is injured when there is something else going on. In Ollie's case he is just in shit form. If he was really injured he wouldn't have been getting picked for 18 months as opposed to getting whatever surgery it is he needs and Tuchel wouldn't have called him up to England and Unai wouldn't have started the season with him as our only striker.

It's a convenient excuse for the Worshippers to hide behind.

[cdbearsfan]

Fan of your work, as you know, but not sure "Watkins Worshippers" is your best effort. Suggest Ollytheists, Ollards, or Jehovah's Wat-nesses.

[Monty]

I vote for Ollards.

[Sexual Ealing]

Olliegopolists.

[Dave]

Ollie Krishnas

[olaftab]

To paraphrase Errol Brown:
It started with a cyst. Never thought it would come to this...

Very good.

[Smirker]

Fan of your work, as you know, but not sure "Watkins Worshippers" is your best effort. Suggest Ollytheists, Ollards, or Jehovah's Wat-nesses.

Watskyists 

[cdbearsfan]

Step away from the ice pick, Smirker.

[Smithy]

Any news on Watkins injury, any one know what is wrong with him?

There isn't an injury.

It's man management from Unai. And before people accuse me of saying that makes him a liar, it is really not uncommon for a manager to say a player is injured when there is something else going on. In Ollie's case he is just in shit form. If he was really injured he wouldn't have been getting picked for 18 months as opposed to getting whatever surgery it is he needs and Tuchel wouldn't have called him up to England and Unai wouldn't have started the season with him as our only striker.

It's a convenient excuse for the Worshippers to hide behind.

This is a very interesting take.  In this version of events, Tuchel decides not to pick Ollie because he's in "shit form".  But rather than deal with the media questions, he decides - with or without Ollie's consent? - to tell the media Ollie is managing an injury, and that's why he left him out.  Because it's "easier", and Tuchel, despite being a top manager, doesn't like having to explain the difficult decisions he has to make.  He prefers fictional injuries he can use as excuses.

The club hears Tuchel's excuse, and thinks - "hang on, what a great excuse! We'll have some of that!".  Again - with or without Ollie's consent - Unai tells the media that Ollie is playing with pain in his knee and they're managing his workload, because only because that is easier than saying he's in "shit form". 

Unai does this because Ollie is different.  Unlike every player Unai has worked with in his 20-year managerial career, where he has been happy to point out when players are not performing, or not following instructions, or simply in bad form - for OLLIE, Unai is willing to lie to the media and the fans.

This convenient lie about a fictional injury will obviously continue until such time as Ollie regains form.  Or we sell him.  A sale which will obviously be at a significant discount, because we've been lying to everyone by telling the media he's managing an injury for the best part of a year, and no one will pay top dollar for a player with a long-term chronic injury.

I can see absolutely zero flaws in this theory.

Honestly, though, I'm starting to understand why the flat earyh society has so many members,

[Smirker]

Step away from the ice pick, Smirker.

Smirkers of the world, unite!

[PaulWinch again]

Quite. I’m sure Tuchel and Unai are fully on the same page in this conspiracy - problem for Smirker is he wants Ollie to struggle and be finished, so anything that suggests he might be hindered and get back to his best really grinds his gears.

[Smirker]

Any news on Watkins injury, any one know what is wrong with him?

There isn't an injury.

It's man management from Unai. And before people accuse me of saying that makes him a liar, it is really not uncommon for a manager to say a player is injured when there is something else going on. In Ollie's case he is just in shit form. If he was really injured he wouldn't have been getting picked for 18 months as opposed to getting whatever surgery it is he needs and Tuchel wouldn't have called him up to England and Unai wouldn't have started the season with him as our only striker.

It's a convenient excuse for the Worshippers to hide behind.

This is a very interesting take.  In this version of events, Tuchel decides not to pick Ollie because he's in "shit form".  But rather than deal with the media questions, he decides - with or without Ollie's consent? - to tell the media Ollie is managing an injury, and that's why he left him out.  Because it's "easier", and Tuchel, despite being a top manager, doesn't like having to explain the difficult decisions he has to make.  He prefers fictional injuries he can use as excuses.

The club hears Tuchel's excuse, and thinks - "hang on, what a great excuse! We'll have some of that!".  Again - with or without Ollie's consent - Unai tells the media that Ollie is playing with pain in his knee and they're managing his workload, because only because that is easier than saying he's in "shit form". 

Unai does this because Ollie is different.  Unlike every player Unai has worked with in his 20-year managerial career, where he has been happy to point out when players are not performing, or not following instructions, or simply in bad form - for OLLIE, Unai is willing to lie to the media and the fans.

This convenient lie about a fictional injury will obviously continue until such time as Ollie regains form.  Or we sell him.  A sale which will obviously be at a significant discount, because we've been lying to everyone by telling the media he's managing an injury for the best part of a year, and no one will pay top dollar for a player with a long-term chronic injury.

I can see absolutely zero flaws in this theory.

Honestly, though, I'm starting to understand why the flat earyh society has so many members,

Well no, he could have spoken to Unai beforehand. Players withdraw for fitness reasons from internationals for broken fingernails these days, you think the club would let Ollie be called up with an injury for some nothing games? 😂

In your world, Unai persists playing an injured player who has been injured for 18 months and in two of the three transfer windows that have passed, he decided one injured striker is good enough to compete in multiple competitions. He then decided to keep this injury a secret until this season?

Unai isn't stupid. He's tried to play him into form, he's tried to protect him. It hasn't worked and we'll sign a new striker in January.

[Percy McCarthy]

I want to hear Smirker’s thoughts on how everyone on the space shuttle that blew up survived.

[Clampy]

Someone observed to me that Smirker likes the sound of his own voice.

They're not wrong.