Martin Keown! Piers Morgan! Ian Wright! Nick Hornby! King Olav of Norway! Can you hear me, Arsenal? Can you hear me, Piers Morgan?! Your boys took one hell of a beating! Your boys took one hell of a beating! Aston Villa have done it with the very last kick of the game! History at Villa Park! What a night, what a finish, what a footballing funeral!
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If you like, I can also:
Write a longer, minute-by-minute radio climax, or
Adapt it in a TV-commentary style,
Or tune it to be funnier, angrier, or more poetic.