What's the best excuse you could come up with...

[oldtimernow]

McCormack’s latest excuse was that the gates outside of his house were stuck meaning that he couldn’t exit his property.


I would have rung in to say my fat arse is wedged in the toilet so I can't make training today

[Dave P]

To be fair, that is probably what happened to Ross but he went for the less embarrassing excuse of the gates being stuck!

[robbo1874]

I'd have phoned my agent and got them to think of one. What else do I pay them for?

[LukeJames]

The gates on my mansion are forever getting stuck to be fair, you peasants dont know how inconvenient it can be!

[peter w]

Peasants? We're Villa fans. We all live in the shires. We know exactly how inconvenient it can be.

[Ozzjim]

Speak for yourself.  The cone outside my house blocked me in today though.  Far too heavy to move.

[ADVILLAFAN]

Peasants? We're Villa fans. We all live in the shires. We know exactly how inconvenient it can be.

I mean honestly, doesn't Ross have a helipad? *scoffs*

[Richard E]

'She told me she was 16, your honour.'

[CJ]

The only way I can get across the moat surrounding my property is by a boat towed by two Whooper swans. Confused by the unusually mild winter they've fucked off back to Iceland earlier than usual so I'm now stuck in my mock Tudor mansion with no means of getting out

[ClaretAndBlueBlood]

my butler forgot to wake me

[ChicagoLion]

Went out, got drunk, met a bird, took her back to my place, woke up with my wallet gone and a message written on the bathroom mirror, "you couldn't even score an open goal you fat Scottish Wanker".


Honesty is the best policy.

[ClaretAndBlueBlood]

Gabby told me we don't bother with training at this club

[oswald funkletrumpet]

My cock is far too big to fit in my trousers

[Richard E]

There was a guy who got done for kerb crawling in Wolverhampton in his camper van.

He alleged that he had only driven into the red light district to ask for directions to the Severn Valley Railway (which does not of course run anywhere near urban Wolverhampton) and that when the prostitute had asked him if he was "up for business" he thought she meant she was going to work, so he offered her a lift.

He was, amazingly, acquitted.

The fact that he was a JP may or may not have had something to do with it.

[cheltenhamlion]

I shit myself on the bus and had to go back home to get changed (an excuse someone once used on me).