Tony's Tweets

[brian green]

My wife and I are fastidious

I am fast and she is hideous.

[themossman]

My wife just made her stage debut in Algeria.

Algiers?

No, some people clapped.

[Chris Smith]

My missus went to Hawaii,
Honolulu
No, on a surf board

[themossman]

My wife just went to Burkina Faso.

Ouagadougou?

No she went on her own.

[brian green]

My wife slipped on some ice in Berkshire

Ascot?

No, just a nasty bruise.

[brian green]

My wife went to Yellowstone to see something

A geyser?

He couldn't afford her.

[Mellin]

My wife's off to the temples in Mali.

Timbuktu?

He'd better bloody not have.

[themossman]

My wife sent me some correspondence from the Philippines.

Manila?

No, postcard.

[themossman]

My wife's gone missing in Turkmenistan.

Ashgabat?

Of course I did, but nobody's seen her.

[Percy McCarthy]

My mate caught something on a cricket tour of Africa.

Ebola?

No, 'e very good fielder.

[brian green]

My wife has gone to the Indian Ocean

Seychelles?

Chells.

[Sexual Ealing]

My mate's just got a job doing security at an aquarium on the Welsh coast.
Fishguard?
Sort of, yeah.

[Sexual Ealing]

Just been thinking of that holiday romance I had in North Wales.
Bangor?
No, we just had a kiss and a cuddle.

[themossman]

My mate's just got a job doing security at an aquarium on the Welsh coast.
Fishguard?
Sort of, yeah.

As an ex resident of Pembrokeshire, I know for a fact that the aquarium in Fishguard closed years ago. You've punctured the essential honesty of this thread.

[Sexual Ealing]

My mate's just got a job doing security at an aquarium on the Welsh coast.
Fishguard?
Sort of, yeah.

As an ex resident of Pembrokeshire, I know for a fact that the aquarium in Fishguard closed years ago. You've punctured the essential honesty of this thread.

Haha!