Benteke facts (just for fun)

[DerHammer]

Benteke will not allow Match Of The Day to enter any of his goals in the Goal Of The Month competitions as he believes it's unfair to the other nominees.

[Mister E]

"Lord Nelson! Lord Beaverbrook! Sir Winston Churchill! Sir Anthony Eden! Clement Attlee! Henry Cooper! Lady Diana! Maggie Thatcher - can you hear me, Maggie Thatcher! Benteke gives one hell of a beating! Benteke gives one hell of a beating!"

[Mister E]

Desperate Dan can lift a cow with one hand. Benteke can lift Desperate Dan lifting a cow with one hand, with one finger.

The pillow on Desperate Dan's (reinforced) bed is filled with building rubble. Benteke doesn't do sleepovers.

Desperate Dan's beard is so tough he shaves with a blowtorch. Benteke doesn't shave out of respect for Olof Mellberg (and anyway his chin is teflon; no hairs there).

[Andy_Lochhead_in_the_air]

Inspired by David Walliams, Benteke swam down the entire length of the Congo River for charity.
He then swam back upstream the entire length reciting out loud Joseph Conrads `Heart of Darkness`read from a water proof Kindle.

[*shellac*]

When Benteke was a wee kid, Chuck Norris avoided him as his stare was too hard to handle.  "I had to avoid him, look away.  Mind, this kid gives me the creepers.  I nearly wet my pants." said Chuck in a recent interview, still haunted by that fateful day.

[curiousorange]

Benteke wears Superman as a condom, or something.

[timeoutbigbar]

When Benteke was young he dreamed of being an astronaut.  Now astronauts dream of being him.

[DerHammer]

Benteke does not join a Football Club, a Football Club joins Benteke

[danlanza]

Benteke eats granite and puffer fish sandwiches for breakfast, swilled down with a gallon of undiluted mountain lion urine. He then cleans his teeth with a chainsaw and meths mouthwash.

[Mister E]

(although I have heard he wears TellyTubby pyjamas).

[DerHammer]

Benteke isn't going to claim his Euromillions prize in todays deadline as he doesn't want the spare change

[danlanza]

Lowland Gorrilas in the Congo dream of being as hard and as good looking as The Teke.
They amble around all day quietly chanting his name. To them he is the creator of all things good.

[avfc_1874]

Benteke fought the law and the law lost.

[Percy McCarthy]

God named his only begotten son after Christian Benteke.

[PeterWithesShin]

James Milner wears a Benteke shirt under his Man City strip.