Aston Villa have been granted FA permission to field a remote-controlled mannequin wearing an Alice band as a twelfth man on Sunday, in a desperate attempt to distract Joey Barton from harming living players.Villa boss Alec Mcleish explained his decision, “Some might be surprised, but I think it’s the least that could be done considering the circumstances.“Stilian Petrov is a key player for us, and I don’t want him to spend most of the match trying to work out why Joey keeps calling him a ‘mug’ or a ‘numptie’ that’s assuming Petrov even knows what those things are.”English referees’ chief Mike Riley justified the decision by explaining that giving Villa an extra man was no more generous than allowing Barton to still get near a football pitch.“Many are going to question the fairness of it, but Twitter users at least will understand why we’ve made this call, and word will hopefully spread from them – as everything else seems to these days.“It will be fascinating to see just how irate Barton will become with an inanimate opponent incapable of provoking him.“However we’re not taking any chances, the mannequin has signed an insurance waiver and there’s a stab proof vest just in case things get out of hand” said Riley.
The mannequin would be our best player.
Stephen Ireland will be sent of on sunday after being wound up by Barton.
Make him show his true colours and get himself sent off. Simples.