Random Stories About Footballers

[eamonn]

Maybe it was that girlfriend of JLloyd's that made him come across as a bellend with no taste on MTV Cribs.

[ACVilla]

Saw Petrov in The Fox and Dogs in Mere Green yesterday, up in the Kids soft play area, I didn't want to disturb him as he was with hs friends and family but as he left I just asked him if I could shake his hand, which he duly obliged me with.

Spent Xmas 2012 with Weimann and Bannan as my brother in law is good friends with them, Weimann was originally meant to be coming around my house this Xmas day but he ended up spending it in Sheffield with a mate, which was a bit disappointing.

What last xmas? 24 hours before the Palace game?......

Yes Xmas 2013.

[willywombat]

Was at Bel-Air many moons ago and saw an old school friend who came over and gave me a hug and a kiss and we chatted for a couple of minutes. The bloke she was with took a dim view of this and spent the next hour glaring at me with his best hard man face on. I got a tad pissed off after a while and walked over and asked him what his problem was and he responded by taking his jacket off and offering me outside. I followed him out and a bout of fisticuffs ensued which ended in him bleeding profusely from the nose all down his lovely white shirt. Apparently it was Gary Owen who  played for the Baggies and ended up at small heath. If I'd known that at the time I'd have given him another slap

[Chico Hamilton III]

Did Gary Owen ever play for Blues? I know he was at Albion and Man City.

Did you batter him?

Bob Taylor punched a mate of mine outside a pub once.

[Duncan Shaw]

My sister saw Tony Dorigo a few times just at the point he was starting to occasioanlly get into the first team.  She said he used to be banging on all the time about how well the reserves were doing (him, Ray Walker & Rideout in particular) and that they deserved a chance in a struggling first team (Withe on the way out etc.)  Anyway, he was picking her up one Saturday night to go to Bel Air or somewhere suitably stereotypical and she was adamant I wasn't allowed to talk to him about Villa at all and not be annoying and all that.  I'd been to VP that afternoon (think we lost to Leicester) so I just left my scarf hanging over the end of the bannister, which was the first thing you saw when the front door was opened.  I was first to the door, of course to let him in  - he had David Norton with him but I didn't mention football.  As I ushered them in Tony clocked the scarf and asked if i'd been down today.  Thus ensued a good 3/4 of an hour chat over a tinny about how shite we were (from them) and how they should all be playing, much to my sister's intense annoyance.  He then got me players seats for a few games before they finished and he really broke through.  Nice bloke, footballers not really my sister's type though.

[RussellC]

I work for a company that supplies fresh produce to Waitrose, and they're always putting on events to raise-money for various charities. When we're trying to get in their good-books we often buy a table and have a corporate night out.

The most recent of these was in the summer in Battersea and each table came with it's own "celebrity". Ours was the rugby player Nick Easter, but the table next door had Martin Keown. Nobody on that table seemed to know who he was so after (several) drinks I wandered over for a chat. He was absolutely bladdered but really friendly. I told him that one of my first Villa games was watching us get promoted down at Swindon and he told him how he vividly remembers being injured but walking around the town-centre listening on a radio, wracked with nerves (probably for my benefit).

After a few minutes I got a bit brave and said "I have to ask...David Platt...bit of an arsehole isn't he...?!". Cue about a 5 minute rant in agreement. He said, "you've no idea. I had to play with him for Arsenal and England too!!". He told me a story about how he had to play one game for Arsenal as a holding midfielder alongside Platt. After 60 minutes of doing all of Platt's running and defensive work he said "Come on Platty, help me out!". Platt's response was "when you've achieved as much in the game as I have, come back and let me know."

I was obviously right.

[dave.woodhall]

I work for a company that supplies fresh produce to Waitrose, and they're always putting on events to raise-money for various charities. When we're trying to get in their good-books we often buy a table and have a corporate night out.

The most recent of these was in the summer in Battersea and each table came with it's own "celebrity". Ours was the rugby player Nick Easter, but the table next door had Martin Keown. Nobody on that table seemed to know who he was so after (several) drinks I wandered over for a chat. He was absolutely bladdered but really friendly. I told him that one of my first Villa games was watching us get promoted down at Swindon and he told him how he vividly remembers being injured but walking around the town-centre listening on a radio, wracked with nerves (probably for my benefit).

After a few minutes I got a bit brave and said "I have to ask...David Platt...bit of an arsehole isn't he...?!". Cue about a 5 minute rant in agreement. He said, "you've no idea. I had to play with him for Arsenal and England too!!". He told me a story about how he had to play one game for Arsenal as a holding midfielder alongside Platt. After 60 minutes of doing all of Platt's running and defensive work he said "Come on Platty, help me out!". Platt's response was "when you've achieved as much in the game as I have, come back and let me know."

I was obviously right.

And of course, ironically, Keown won more.

[pig]

This has been an enjoyable hour of reading. I now must really do some work, so I would appreciate it if no one else posts a good story for a day or so. Brilliant read!

[PeterWithe]

I was in Liverpool quite a few years ago on a beautiful sunny day. As I came out of The Philhamonic in Hope St 'suitably refreshed who should I see walking towards me . John Barnes... wearing a royal blue tracksuit. He was most affable and polite. I remember him saying 'Villa are a big club'. I said 'why are you wearing a royal blue tracksuit'. He just grinned but changed the subject. I've always wondered why a Liverpool player would wear Everton colours. Very nice bloke.

I also met John Barnes whilst I was working at the Ryder Cup, I gave him a lift on my golf buggy and can confirm that he was as sound as a pound. I tried a conversation about golf but it soon transpired that he was only there on a freebie from the Jamaican Tourist Board and knew as much about golf as I did. We got chatting football and he, completely unbidden, told me how much he despised his then manager, Graham Souness. He seemed even less impressed by my driving skills as I nearly crashed into a bunker. Invited me for a pint in the sponsors tent.
 
I also once had a conversation with Joe Harte, the unusual thing about it was Harte was completely naked.

[LeeS]

This thread is the best one in a long time.

My only footballer stories relate to when I left school and joined Endsleigh Insurance. I worked in the Corporation Street office in the mid 90s. Because Endsleigh had recently sponsored the Football League, they had a car insurance policy designed for professional footballers that was guaranteed to beat any competitor price.

Needless to say, footballers tend to pay a lot in premiums - young, fast cars, general idiocy etc. So they were a lucrative source of income for the branch. Ian Taylor, Dwight Yorke and Mark Bosnich were all clients of ours. In those days you had to do things personally, like signing forms and bringing original documents in etc so I met them on the odd occasion. Of those 3, Tayls was the nicest. Totally unassuming and modest. Whenever I met him he always had a cap and scarf on so he didnt get any attention.

From memory, all 3 of them owned BMW M3s. Gareth Southgate drove a Rover 4 series provided by the club.

[Richard E]

I acted for a Wolves player once in a court dispute and it was coming up to the time when we had to prepare for the trial at Wolverhampton County Court. We wanted to call his girlfriend (a model, natch) as a witness. He said she couldn't do it because it was too far for her to travel. He used to play for a club in Yorkshire so I assumed she was still living up there. It turned out she lived in a suburb of Wolverhampton, about 3 miles from the city centre.   

[RussellC]

Neville Southall lives near me (Deal in Kent) and he's an absolute tosser.

He spent a few years playing upfront for a veteran's side in the Dover Sunday League (berating referees and generally being an unpleasant C**t) and we found ourselves playing on the pitch next to him one morning.

As the game finished and we headed off to the communal changing-rooms our keeper (who was in the Academy at S'oton at the time) jogged over to him and said "Nev - you're one of my heroes, can I shake your hand please?" At this point our keeper had taken off his top to reveal a Man Utd shirt underneath. Nev's response? "Not in that fucking shirt."

Obviously we all laughed, as did our keeper. Nev didn't though, just turned and walked off, without shaking his hand.

Now I'm sure a few of you will approve of this, but the wasn't the slightest hint of humour and grace in him then, or any other time I've come across him.

[RussellC]

I acted for a Wolves player once in a court dispute and it was coming up to the time when we had to prepare for the trial at Wolverhampton County Court. We wanted to call his girlfriend (a model, natch) as a witness. He said she couldn't do it because it was too far for her to travel. He used to play for a club in Yorkshire so I assumed she was still living up there. It turned out she lived in a suburb of Wolverhampton, about 3 miles from the city centre.   

Dean Richards?

[Richard E]

I acted for a Wolves player once in a court dispute and it was coming up to the time when we had to prepare for the trial at Wolverhampton County Court. We wanted to call his girlfriend (a model, natch) as a witness. He said she couldn't do it because it was too far for her to travel. He used to play for a club in Yorkshire so I assumed she was still living up there. It turned out she lived in a suburb of Wolverhampton, about 3 miles from the city centre.   

Dean Richards?

Unfortunately I can't say whether it was or not, for reasons of client confidentiality....

[richard moore]

Mate of mine is a football commentator [bbc] so have met quite a few players and managers through him..The funniest has to be Ally McCoist..Genuine nice bloke with great sense of humour..doesn't take himself too seriously unlike some of the pratts I have come across

I quite agree. My wife's claim to fame is being chatted up by Ally and Mo Johnstone, both at the same time! I used to be assistant manager up at the Turnberry Hotel in Ayrshire where the Rangers team would stay before big games. After an early pasta dinner, Ally would, at my suggestion, come out to the kitchens in the hotel and spend an hour or two in the potwash area helping the young lads there to wash up the pots and pans. They were all crazy Rangers fans, one of them worked with no shirt on in the boiling heat but always wore a Rangers scarf. And they came from Girvan which has one of the highest unemployment rates in Scotland so they barely had two pennies to rub together - Ally would bring with him signed footballs, scarves, photos etc etc. As a result, those kids loved me, no mean feat for an Englishmen working up in Scotland!!!