The Emile Heskey appreciation thread

[Risso]

Michael Owen says he's a great partner, so maybe that nice Sir Alex might fancy recreating their partnership.

[TheBarneyArmy]

Wouldn't want to lose heskey, neither would our groundsman, we have one of the flatest pitches in the world thanks to teh heavy roller. Blackburn could do with him to sort out their dodgy penalty areas.

[Rip Van We Go Again]

An unwanted Heskey makes an ideal character actor in Hollywood films.
E.G the bloke in Watchmen who gets cooking oil thrown in his face.

[Jimbo]

Emile Heskey would make an ideal draft excluder.

[mshurst]

He has a nicer shaped head than Marlon Harewood, he drives more sensibly than Ashley Young, he has better table manners than Stylian Petrov, he has more bird feeders in his garden in winter than Carlos Cuellar, he is not smiling in his passport photograph like Brad Friedel, he has fewer fist fights with the manager on the training ground than Nigel Reo Coker, he has a much easier name for the tabloid journalists to spell than Gabrial Agbolanhor, when he does go to a lap dancing club it is only to try to get John Carew to go home, he doesn't wear glasses, he has a private dental plan, he has no Japanese Knotgrass growing in his garden.   For goodness sake how much do you want from a football player?

This had me laughing the entire way through.

And was that an intentional spelling mistake? Absolutely brilliant.

[Rip Van We Go Again]

Emile Heskey would make an ideal draft excluder.

Indeed, I've heard he's got a big cock.

[lookslikedad]

Heskeys shit.

[OCD]

Can anyone find a video of Richard Dunne's goal against Hull? Heskey's movement was excellent, he took about 3 of their defenders out of position which left Dunney free in the box.

[Jimbo]

Emile enjoys reading those Haynes DIY auto repair manuals. He also knows the difference between brie and camembert, and can tie a reef knot with fishing gloves on.

[TimTheVillain]

They say you can't feel all the people all the time , Heskey did.

Well done Ivanhoe, that is quite an art.

[pauliewalnuts]

Can anyone find a video of Richard Dunne's goal against Hull? Heskey's movement was excellent, he took about 3 of their defenders out of position which left Dunney free in the box.

Heskey randomly fell over, two defenders tripped over him, and the other one stood pointing and laughing.

[OCD]

Can anyone find a video of Richard Dunne's goal against Hull? Heskey's movement was excellent, he took about 3 of their defenders out of position which left Dunney free in the box.

Heskey randomly fell over, two defenders tripped over him, and the other one stood pointing and laughing.

Did I get the wrong end of the stick with this thread?

[TheSandman]

Emile Heskey is an ace slapstick comedian.

That is the falling over and making a tit out of yourself type?

[stevenjos]

Emile Heskey is really good at dispersing traffic outside the ground.

[PaulMcGrathsNo5Shirt]

Emile Heskey has played for many clubs and has loads of experience. He's also very good at deflecting the attention from other players in the media.