Summer 2010 Transfer Thread: B*llsh*t, Rumours & Wishes

[Malandro]

Worth a gander imho

[Phil from the upper holte]

I'm hurt Chico. I was up all night........

Wasn't writing that though was it ;)

[glasses]

Just checked the stats, and he made 3 sub appearances in the league last season, and fair enough, its probably not fair to judge him solely on those. I have seen him in a few reserve games too, and of course watched him shine in the Peace Cup. Im not saying he is a bad player, or that he doesn't look to have potential technically, its just that I get the feeling from seeing him, that unless he has a serious growth spurt soon, he will get pushed around in the big games and fail to make any impact. Perhaps thats why O'Neill didnt use him much more last season. Its unfortunate and not pretty to look at, but the PL very reliant on physical attributes first, rather than technical ability. I think if he played in Spain or Portugal, or somewhere where that is reversed, he would be fantastic, and IMO is why he looked so great in the Peace Cup.

[Glenn Peen]

Amazed no one has suggested this before - seems obvious when you think about it and it scans brilliantly.

Great song, by a great bloke about a great club. Imagine all The Holte giving it the big 'bo'. Beautiful - brings a tear to my Mr Clements.

Anyway, here we go - to the tune of 'Rewind' by the wonderful Craig David:

Ashley, Ashley, Ashley that's what we make ya
Time to mash up the speaker
John Carew, Artful Dodger
Inter selecta [x4]

Making moves yeah on the dance floor
Got our groove on Gabby, yeah real hardcore
From the front to the back that's where I was at
You know, you know the Artful Dodger do it like that
With John Carew all over your...
Wee Mart it's all up to you
When the crowd go wild
Tell me watcha gonna do

Re-e-wind when the crowd say bo selecta
Re-e-e-e-e-e-wind when the crowd say bo selecta-ta
Re-e-wind when the crowd say bo selecta
Re-e-e-e-e-e-wind when the crowd say bo, bo, bo
Re-e-wind
When the crowd say bo selecta
Re-e-e-e-e-wind whent he crowd say bo selecta-ta
Re-re-e-wind when the crowd say bo selecta
Re-e-e-e-e-e-wind
This goes out to all the sexy boys

Eh, yeah
Eh, eh, yeah (yeah) [x3]
Eh, yeah
Eh (yeah)

Re-wind selecta
Rewind se-lec-ta
Re-wind selecta
Sel-ecta
Re-wind selecta -ta
Re-wind se-lec-ta
Rewind selcta-ta
Sel-ecta
Re-wind
Re-wind selecta

Re-e-wind
Re-wind selecta
Re-wind
Re-wind selecta
Re-e-wind
Re-e-wind-ta

[Des Little]

Admirable effort Glenn, but if you think that the Holte will sing that then it's time to put the cooking sherry back in the cupboard.

UNLESS you can add '....m'lord' to the end of each line in which case you're in

[KevinGage]

West Ham had a similar themed (though not as detailed) ditty based on Robin Van Persie's antics a few years back.


Van- Per- sie
When the girl says no
Molest her



Tasteful.

[Olneythelonely]

Glenn, any chance of a CD?

[Phil from the upper holte]

Amazed no one has suggested this before - seems obvious when you think about it and it scans brilliantly.

Great song, by a great bloke about a great club. Imagine all The Holte giving it the big 'bo'. Beautiful - brings a tear to my Mr Clements.

Anyway, here we go - to the tune of 'Rewind' by the wonderful Craig David:

Ashley, Ashley, Ashley that's what we make ya
Time to mash up the speaker
John Carew, Artful Dodger
Inter selecta [x4]

Making moves yeah on the dance floor
Got our groove on Gabby, yeah real hardcore
From the front to the back that's where I was at
You know, you know the Artful Dodger do it like that
With John Carew all over your...
Wee Mart it's all up to you
When the crowd go wild
Tell me watcha gonna do

Re-e-wind when the crowd say bo selecta
Re-e-e-e-e-e-wind when the crowd say bo selecta-ta
Re-e-wind when the crowd say bo selecta
Re-e-e-e-e-e-wind when the crowd say bo, bo, bo
Re-e-wind
When the crowd say bo selecta
Re-e-e-e-e-wind whent he crowd say bo selecta-ta
Re-re-e-wind when the crowd say bo selecta
Re-e-e-e-e-e-wind
This goes out to all the sexy boys

Eh, yeah
Eh, eh, yeah (yeah) [x3]
Eh, yeah
Eh (yeah)

Re-wind selecta
Rewind se-lec-ta
Re-wind selecta
Sel-ecta
Re-wind selecta -ta
Re-wind se-lec-ta
Rewind selcta-ta
Sel-ecta
Re-wind
Re-wind selecta

Re-e-wind
Re-wind selecta
Re-wind
Re-wind selecta
Re-e-wind
Re-e-wind-ta

I reckon the holte would nail that suckah

[Glenn Peen]

Squeezing out a Turd: The Best of Glenn Peen (Vol. 1)

A new album from the king of brown, released on K-Tel records. Including such memorable hits as 10 Green Bottles, Waiting in a VIP Lounge, Rewind and numerous songs to the tune of BBC's comedy classsic 'Allo 'Allo.

Sure to be a summer favourite, Squeezing out a Turd will be hitting the Poundland shelves almost instantly.

Available on 8-track, TDK C90 and mobile phone ring tone.

Don't be a racist, buy the Best of Glenn today.

Stay sexual!

[Glenn Peen]

Yeah!

[OCD]

Just checked the stats, and he made 3 sub appearances in the league last season, and fair enough, its probably not fair to judge him solely on those. I have seen him in a few reserve games too, and of course watched him shine in the Peace Cup. Im not saying he is a bad player, or that he doesn't look to have potential technically, its just that I get the feeling from seeing him, that unless he has a serious growth spurt soon, he will get pushed around in the big games and fail to make any impact. Perhaps thats why O'Neill didnt use him much more last season. Its unfortunate and not pretty to look at, but the PL very reliant on physical attributes first, rather than technical ability. I think if he played in Spain or Portugal, or somewhere where that is reversed, he would be fantastic, and IMO is why he looked so great in the Peace Cup.

With the exception of genetic mesamorphic freaks like Micah Richards, few kids will be strong at a young age. It's easier for a kid with technical ability to bulk up a bit than it is for a bulky kid to learn technical skills.

[Irreverent ad]

Here is something annoying...Only us, Blackburn, Blackpool & Stoke have not made a signing yet.
That means all of our competitors have strengthened.

He is slow, isn't he?....

[ronshirt]

Especially for Tangible Drear's number one fan:

              Martin O'Neill - The Musical

                          Starring

                        Teen-Sensation

                        Chris Smith

    ('Being David O'Leary' 'How Green was My Venglos')

And

The Monettes

('Be My Right-Back' 'And Then He Chinned Me')

And featuring in full terrifying 3D

Gnasher

The Opinion-Shifting Robot from the Land that Punctuation Forgot.

ACT ONE.

Int.

A dream sequence. O'NEILL stands spotlit on a piece of green carpet. The MONETTES stand in silhouette on a small riser.

Song: "With a Little Help from the Holte End".

MONETTES - Em! Oh! En!

MON - What would you think if I played at right back
         Someone suited to central defence?
         And stuck with a muscular centre-forward
         Whose goal-tally was less than immense?

MONETTES - Oh you'll get by with a little help from the Holte End.
                   Yes you can try with a little help from the Holte End.

Enter CHRIS SMITH flown from the flies. He is wearing a halo and angel wings.

CHRIS - How do you fell when we're playing away
             And it's one nil with not long to go?
             Do you despair at the end of the day
             Cause Emile's so bloody useless and slow?

MON - No I get by with a little help from the Holte End
          Yes I get high with a little help from the Holte End

MONETTES - Do we need anybody?

CHRIS - We need somebody upfront.

MONETTES - Do you mean Robbie Keane?

CHRIS - I'm not sure. Some people say he's a ******.

MON - Oh I get by with a little help from Storey- Moore.
          We'll find someone or other to score
          Replacing the those who can't hit the barn-door
          But we won't need to cross any foreign shores.

MONETTES - Do you believe you can crack the top four?

MON - Yes I'm certain I could do it if I tried.

CHRIS - So this time next year Champions League?

MON - Only if you come with me to Red Merseyside.

          Oh I'll get by with a little help from the Kop.
          We'll go right to the tippity-top.
           Oh I'll get high with a little help from the Kop.

ACT TWO

Int.

A large underground bunker on an island somewhere in the South China Seas. The walls are covered with huge plasma TVs - each showing a different match from somewhere in the world. Minions clad in skin-tight Chelsea kits stare intently at the screens. In the middle of the room lying on a slab is a barely conscious CHRIS SMITH. Above him looms a huge laser beam machine.

Song: "Strictly Four Four Two No Midfield Diamond".

CHRIS - Picture yourself on an airplane to Paris
             Or Moscow or Munich or Madrid or Rome.
             Everyone smiles as we score the away goal
             That means the Champions League's coming home.

Enter GNASHER arms flailing wildly and smoke billowing from his failing logic-circuits.

GNASHER - champions league heh heh facepalm heh heh heh heh heh larf brian clough heh heh facepalm chris smith monette percy heh heh.

GNASHER explodes and the island begins to sink. In the confusion CHRIS SMITH escapes in small rowing boat. And begins pulling for all he's worth.
As the island slowly sinks into the sea we cut back to the boat. CHRIS SMITH and HILTSCOOLERKING are lying together smoking sharing a cigarette.

CHRIS - Do you want to play my vuvuzela or shall I have another go on yours?

FADE TO BLACK

[TheSandman]

What's this about Steven Ireland having a mysterious illness a while back?

[luke25]

Here is something annoying...Only us, Blackburn, Blackpool & Stoke have not made a signing yet.
That means all of our competitors have strengthened.

He is slow, isn't he?....

yep, but we already knew that