How to tell if the news report is worthwhile

[AllanW]

I still pinch myself each morning; it’s true, we’re in the Premier League!

In these euphoric times of rumour, elation and ‘Sweet Caroline!’ I thought I’d help those, like me, who have transfer rumour sites and Newsnow on their search bar greedily absorbing each new *ping* about who’s coming in for the new season by suggesting a quick method of working out which rumours and press links to concentrate on. And without getting all ‘meta’, always notice who is NOT mentioned but who would be a likely target; that might just be the one the team at VP are really going for. Remember; Jota was having a medical before any mention was made of him.

I’ll be using the ‘Traffic-Light’ system and here’s what the colours mean;

Green = worth a read, could be bang on the money and is certainly interesting.
Amber = only read if you want to waste time, probably planted by either club as a tactical distraction from what’s really happening
Red = avoid at all costs, don’t waste your time, planted by the players agent in a desperate attempt to pump-up some interest or a deflated ego after a terrible season.

A few examples;

Any article about Harry Arter = RED. He’s a 29-year-old has-been. Not young, not good, not anything Deano wants. Move on.

Any article about Gary Cahill = RED. Ditto but 34-year-old.

Any article about Dwight Gayle = RED. Ditto but even more desperate to escape the shitty weather on the Tyne.

Anything about Tammy, Axel, Jack, SJM = Amber. They’re going nowhere but it fills column inches.

‘John Terry and his wife on the beach, flawless physique’ = I’m not proud but this WAS a link yesterday in the Daily Fail. Sorry I clicked on it.

Any article from Sky sports/news = Amber. Always late, almost always wrong. Only go here for amusement.

Any piece by a blogger = Amber. It’ll only be a rehash of real news but sometimes contains an interesting ‘take’ on the subject.

Any piece which includes the phrases ‘View;’, ‘Fans have their say’, ‘Villa urged to sign’, ‘Villa linked with’ and ‘Villa reportedly’ = RED. It’s all made up by a spotty intern to satisfy the demands of a drunken, frothing-at-the-mouth sub-editor cracking the whip in an airless office in the bowels of a soulless office-block somewhere in London.

Anything from an actual named person sitting outside a training facility, a football ground or an airport who reports a personal sighting of a named person = Green. This is the real skinny. Get excited now. Or not, depending who it’s about.

I hope this help you spend the next few days and weeks more profitably; it helped me.

[OzVilla]

Somewhat fitting considering Benni McCarthy was once all 3 of those colours.

[Damo70]

Somewhat fitting considering Benni McCarthy was once all 3 of those colours.

I lost count of the times BFR signed Steve Bull and Carlton Palmer whilst he was in charge of Villa. The early eighties equivalents were Brighton's Andy Ritchie and Sunerland's Shaun Elliott. I think we signed Trevor Francis a couple of times too. Once from Small Heath and once from Forest.

[hilts_coolerking]

Makes me pine for Clubcall.  'Top Premier League striker incoming?'

[Stu]

Somewhat fitting considering Benni McCarthy was once all 3 of those colours.

I lost count of the times BFR signed Steve Bull and Carlton Palmer whilst he was in charge of Villa. The early eighties equivalents were Brighton's Andy Ritchie and Sunerland's Shaun Elliott. I think we signed Trevor Francis a couple of times too. Once from Small Heath and once from Forest.

I think Big Fat Ron said that Villa would never sign Steve Bull as he was on more money than Ron himself. Definite Red category circa 1993.

[Mister E]

Anything about Tammy, Axel, Jack, SJM = Amber. They’re going nowhere but it fills column inches.

Tammy and Axel have already gone - back to the clubs that they are contracted to. So, your system is a little confusing.
Are you footskillz by any chance?

[Toronto Villa]

This is all very Alan Partridge let alone the mystery AllanW

[AllanW]

Tammy and Axel have already gone - back to the clubs that they are contracted to.

Hence my 'not going anywhere' point.

So, your system is a little confusing.

I'm sorry you're confused by that ...

Are you footskillz by any chance?

No.

[Damo70]

Bring Back proper journalism like 'Live TV'. If I am told something by a giant rabbit, a topless woman or a midget bouncing on a trampoline I know it must be true.

[adrenachrome]

If you use any internet news aggregator, 95% or more of the results are basically twaddle.

Even mainstream newspapers now have very few proper journalists, as we understood the term in the old days. The title of the main transfer thread on this site reflects that fact.

[Behind Bluenose Lines]

Makes me pine for Clubcall.  'Top Premier League striker incoming?'

Blimey, Clubcall. You're making me feel old!

[Damo70]

Makes me pine for Clubcall.  'Top Premier League striker incoming?'

Blimey, Clubcall. You're making me feel old!

I think it cost 60p a minute. It was a nightmare trying to feed all those half pence pieces into the phonebox.

[Jon Crofts]

Makes me pine for Clubcall.  'Top Premier League striker incoming?'

Blimey, Clubcall. You're making me feel old!

I think it cost 60p a minute. It was a nightmare trying to feed all those half pence pieces into the phonebox.

0898 12 11 48 was Villa’s number.

[Sexual Ealing]

Bring Back proper journalism like 'Live TV'. If I am told something by a giant rabbit, a topless woman or a midget bouncing on a trampoline I know it must be true.

I find that all three tend to tell me the same thing: the drugs are wearing off. Go to your own room now.

[chrisw1]

Nice post Allan - very wise words.