Tony's Tweets

[MalcolmP]

-My wife's gone to Indonesia
-Jakarta?
-Only as far as the airport.

- My wife's gone away too
- Jamaica?
- No she went of her own accord.

[AlexAlexCropley]

-My wife's gone to Indonesia
-Jakarta?
-Only as far as the airport.

- My wife's gone away too
- Jamaica?
- No she went of her own accord.

Which reminds me that my wife  has gone to the Eastern Bloc
-Russia?
-No,she took her time

[West Derby Villan]

Fair play Tony, no rumours or bullshit, tells us the way it is. When we are not interested he tells us why, when it falls through he explains the reason and he splashes the cash as well. What's to complain about?

[godzvilla]

I,ve just came back from the Falkland Islands,
Port Stanley ?.
No, I'll have a Sherry...and stop calling me Stanley .

.....Godzvilla!

[themossman]

That in turn reminds me that my wife went to Australia.

Canberra?

Of course I can't, she's my wife.

[Chico Hamilton III]

My wife's just gone to northern Italy
Genoa?
Course I do, we've been married for 30 years

[themossman]

My wife's gone to Libya.

Tripoli?

Can't remember, I haven't seem em for years.

[oswald funkletrumpet]

My wife's gone to Libya.

Tripoli?

Can't remember, I haven't seem em for years.

[Sexual Ealing]

I went to see a horse race at the spiritual home of the Dalai Lama.
Tibet?
No, I just love horses.

[Sexual Ealing]

Just got back from Kent. Had to move my sheep into a different field.
Beckenham?
No, the dog rounds them up for me.

[Chico Hamilton III]

My wife went mad in Venezuela
Caracas?
Yeah, absolutely fucking yampy

[brian green]

My dog has got no nose.

How does he smell?

Awful.

[oswald funkletrumpet]

my wife said to me that she wanted to lose weight

i suggested that she walk 5 miles every morning and 5 miles every evening

"will that help me lose a few stone" she said

i said "maybe maybe not but at least after a week you'll be 70 miles away from me you fat cow"

[Chico Hamilton III]

The missus went to a really bad concert in South East Asia
Singapore?
Yep, and the band were shit as well

[brian green]

My wife looks like a million dollars

All green and crinkly.