A song from McLeish

[Rip Van We Go Again]

Very good Perce.

And scarily accurate.

[Simba]

Living next door to Alice. Smokie.

Oh, I don't know why he's leaving
Or where he's gonna go,
We know there's lots of reasons,
But I just don't wanna know,
'cos for thirty eight games -  I've been living each draw with Alex.
thirty eight games waiting to advance,
to tell him how I feel, when we're wasting every chance
now i wanna get used to not living each draw with Alex

[Percy McCarthy]

Very good Perce.

And scarily accurate.

Cheers Fletch, not as good as your 'Stan' mind. That was better than the original.

[cheltenhamlion]

I will work on an Alice one but reckon "I don't know why he's here, I don't care where he goes" is how it should start.

[cheltenhamlion]

"I can't grasp what we were thinking, when we signed up the useless Nose"...

Maybe, "because for 36 games, we've had to put up with Alex"

[Simba]

Alice: I was just using the original lyrics as a base. So it sounded the same.  Needs work so have fun! I did try and fit "bore" in there to rhyme with the origional next "door". But me tea was getting cold.

[ktvillan]

Let's see how he gets on with some investment.

No, let's not.

[ronshirt]

BIG 'ECK

Episode Three

Scene Eight: The home dugout at Villa Park.

Song: Bloomfield Road.

McLeish, rendered unconscious by super glue fumes, has been awoken by the explosion of The Gnasher's Circular Argumentratron Bomb.

MCLEISH: Let me take you down
                You'll be going to Vicarage Road
                The Boleyn Ground
                Riverside and Molineux
                Hillsborough, Oakdale and Deepdale.

                Relegation's not easy
                Especially two teams in a row
                With added zest
                I did my best
                Although I think you know
                Next year I'll have another go.

                Let me take you down
                You'll be going to Boundary Park
                Kenilworth Road
                Edgeley Park and Edgar Street
                Priestfield and Kingfield and Sixfields.



Scene Nine: The roof of the Doug Ellis Stand.

Song: Witton Lane.

The explosion has blown The Gnasher up onto the roof of the Doug Ellis Stand. He stands unsteadily whilst coolant pours from his logic-circuits. Optimisteron Proime, unaffected by the Catch - 22 radiation, jets up easily to the roof.

CHRIS: In Witton Lane there was a chippy near the old Holte End
            It opened up one Sunday morning while we queued
            For semi-final tickets vee man you
            One nine seven two.

            Now on the corner there's a clan where stands a fanzine man
            Who's only aim's to make an honest bob or two
            He likes to listen to krautrock, that's true
            But better him than you.

            Witton Lane is in my eyes and in my ears
            Gnasher you've not been here for years and years.

GNASHER: in witton lane there is a stand named after aitch dee ee
                 the very man whose praises i will never sing
                 the reason is because he holds the strings
                 he's a soul-less fiend
                 it's all behind the scenes.

The Gnasher's Anti-reality Helmet (prop. Evil Dr SFX412) finally fails. His logic-circuits start emitting a dense black smoke. Optimisteron Proime, out of compassion, offers The Gnasher his hand. The Gnasher defiantly shakes his head. He shakes his head so violently that he becomes dizzy, loses his footing and falls to the pitch below.


Scene Ten: The Same.

Song: Randy, You're a Rich Man.

The Gnasher, arms flailing wildly, staggers to his feet.

GNASHER: how does it feel to be one of mute-iful people?
                 now that you know just where we are
                 what are you going to say?

                 how does it feel to be one of the loot-iful people?
                 now that you know just what we need
                 what are you going to spend?

                 randy, you're a rich man
                 randy, it's a bitch, man
                 there's nothing on the pitch, man.

                 how?

                 you spent half your money on a tumbling bear
                 i wouldn't care
                 but it's rude to stare.

The Gnasher, knowing that reality must soon overwhelm him, presses his self-destruct button. There is a brief flash of blinding light and then a very long, low and very repetitive rumbling. The Gnasher's head separates itself from the main unit and heads out into distant, dark, incomprehensible space. The Gnasher's main unit explodes into a million atoms. Moments later the air is filled with a fluttering confetti of signed photographs of Micky Droy and Clive Walker.


Scene Eleven: The Same.

Song: All You Need Is Luck.

Enter the Chris Smith Marching Vuvuzela Band followed by the Gnasherites and the Smiffies. The band plays La Marseillaise (arrangement by H. Coolerking).


ALL: Luck luck luck.

CHRIS: There's just no team that can't be beat
            There's no point in thinking of defeat
            Whenever you are in a jam
            Remember Rotterdam
            It's easy.

ALL: All you need is luck.

DAMON GREEN: We love you yeah yeah yeah.


THE END


Alex McLeish - Mel Gibson

Damon Green - Stephen Fry

Evil Dr SFX412 - Terry Thomas



 

[danlanza]

You are a legend ronshirt, a legend i say!

[villajk]

Haha very good again,ronshirt?

[Steve67]

A song for Alex.

Alex. Fuck off.








(it's an instrumental).

[Percy McCarthy]

A song for Alex.

Alex. Fuck off.

Sex Pistols?

[LeeB]

No McLeish, no cry
No McLeish, no cry

[martin o`who??]

"Leaving on a jet plane", hopefully. (I`m showing my age with this one!)

[PeterWithe]

A song for Alex.

Alex. Fuck off.








(it's an instrumental).

That amused me more than it really should have.