NOT The Generals thread

[Archbishop Herbert Cockthrottle]

General,

I'm just doing my latest banner for the new season; how do you spell McLeash?

[Rip Van We Go Again]

General krulak here:

1. Timvilla - I'm flattered that you want my autograph, but I can't help feeling that by NOT asking me to get Randy's autograph you are effectively turning your back on the club.
That's fine, it's YOUR money, but it's a real shame that you're walking away from the club at a crucial point. I'm sure I can't change your mind but i'm hoping you reconsider.

2. Tremzvillan - I'm afraid you will always be short of socks while you continue to 'jerk off' into them.
As I told my troops when I was in service, IT WILL make you go blind. And it did. Although it could have been Agent Orange.

3. Villadawg - Cats playing in the Birmingham Senior cup with toast attached to their backs?
I'm really not following this, I showed your post to our Marketing people but they just chuckled and seem to think you're yanking my chain. Don't push me boy.

4. Vancouver - The new shirts will be available shortly and YES, lovely Ladies WILL be modelling them in the club catalogue as you requested.
They are all made in an African sweatshop and we guarantee to pass the 'slavings' onto you.
I would urge anybody NOT to iron the new kit as the logo is HIGHLY toxic.

5. bigad82 - Ex-players jizzing in the Balti pies!!!???!!!
We had a name for people like you in the forces.

[Mazrim]

Inspired stuff Fletch. Much better than reading a load of miserable shite.

[cdbearsfan]

General,

Michaela Strachan... would you?

[Chris Smith]

Genners,

1) Did you enjoy the episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm where they open a restaurant and to empathise with the chef with Tourette's Larry starts a swear fest? I fucking did.

2) Have you tried the walnut bread from the place in the Great Western Arcade?

3) What is the maddest thing you've seen Stephen Ireland do?

4) Who put the ram in the ramalamadingdong?

5) I've put my car keys down somewhere but can't find them. Where are they?

6) To be, or not to be?

Simple Fedora,

Kirk St Moritz

[CBAV06]

General,

Just two quick questions if you please:

• Do you ever get tired of telling people you don't field questions about the transfer market and coaches decisions?
• Why have we not picked up more players in this transfer market, do you think the Coach feels we have enough players?

[Mazrim]

General I know you say you wont answer questions about transfers but why have you taken £17,000 from my account?
Also, is it true Randy plans to steal the dreams of little children and sell them to Satan?

[villajk]

GENERAL

Why have you not answered my question about who to approach at VP regarding claret and blue mascara!!!!!!!???

Unless you answer next time you come on  here I shall never, ever set foot inside Villa Park again.

Disgruntled of Middle Trinity.

[Kingthing]

Hi,
I run the Kingston Lions and last year the vice chairman invited everyone round his house for drinks and nibbles prior to Fulham away, he's starting to get a bit fresh with everyone, I'm the one that sorts everything out, he just goes to Iceland and feeds everyone, I think they like him better than me.

Your best advice for killing him and getting rid of the body please?

[Dave Cooper please]

5. bigad82 - Ex-players jizzing in the Balti pies!!!???!!!
We had a name for people like you in the forces.

Marines?

[Mazrim]

What is your major malfunction, numbnuts?

[hawkeye]

General
Can you explain why Paul Faukner got rejected at his interview to appear on the apprentice? Do you think Nicola Key offering phone sex  will improve season ticket sales? What about our Gay fans?
I have invested heavily in Grand Top Investments, has Randy got something similar planned?

[hawkeye]

GENERAL

Why have you not answered my question about who to approach at VP regarding claret and blue mascara!!!!!!!???

Unless you answer next time you come on  here I shall never, ever set foot inside Villa Park again.

Disgruntled of Middle Trinity.

Ignore Her General Sir, We all know that you and Randy have the ladies make up in hand, some people are just me me me.

[Dave Cooper please]

General,

My first is in Balti but not in pie
My second isn't in cravat but it is in tie
My third is something you'd take in a club
My fourth is in shower and also in scrub
My whole is a substance of which you can't have enough
And it's definitely tastier than a badger's chuff.

What am I? 

[Legion]

General, Sir why haven't you answered any questions for a couple of hours? Have you got something else more important to do?