Wet doorhandles in public lavatories.
The entire staff of all builders merchants but most particularly those moronic gastropods in company acrylic jumpers who repeat every fucking thing you say to somebody in the back office.
Screws made of plastic which will not fasten securely and when they do they jam especially the petrol caps on lawnmowers.
Squirrels in the roof.
Twenty four hour clocks. Four o'clock in the afternoon is four o'clock in the afternoon not bastard shit fucking poxy sixteen hundred hours.
Musclebound Icelanders on World's Strongest Man who lift a steam roller wheel over their heads, throw it down and scream "I am a Viking" at John Inverdale.
Obese Brits on World's Strongest Man who get injuries just as they are called forward to lift the steam roller wheel. In our house this is called Doing A Geoff Capes.
Cockneys who find themselves hilarious when they say the word Bur-ming-ham.
People who say lunch when they mean dinner, dinner when they mean tea and crumpets when they mean pikelets.
People who laugh when I tell kids not to run in the horse road.
The list is endless and it is all Houllier's fault. Everything. All of it.
I am going to go and watch Rocky V it is hilarious.
