Summer 2010 Transfer Thread: B*llsh*t, Rumours & Wishes

[KevinGage]

Genius Ronshirt.

The best script since the Sopranos.

[TheSandman]

Especially for Tangible Drear's number one fan:

              Martin O'Neill - The Musical

                          Starring

                        Teen-Sensation

                        Chris Smith

    ('Being David O'Leary' 'How Green was My Venglos')

And

The Monettes

('Be My Right-Back' 'And Then He Chinned Me')

And featuring in full terrifying 3D

Gnasher

The Opinion-Shifting Robot from the Land that Punctuation Forgot.

ACT ONE.

Int.

A dream sequence. O'NEILL stands spotlit on a piece of green carpet. The MONETTES stand in silhouette on a small riser.

Song: "With a Little Help from the Holte End".

MONETTES - Em! Oh! En!

MON - What would you think if I played at right back
         Someone suited to central defence?
         And stuck with a muscular centre-forward
         Whose goal-tally was less than immense?

MONETTES - Oh you'll get by with a little help from the Holte End.
                   Yes you can try with a little help from the Holte End.

Enter CHRIS SMITH flown from the flies. He is wearing a halo and angel wings.

CHRIS - How do you fell when we're playing away
             And it's one nil with not long to go?
             Do you despair at the end of the day
             Cause Emile's so bloody useless and slow?

MON - No I get by with a little help from the Holte End
          Yes I get high with a little help from the Holte End

MONETTES - Do we need anybody?

CHRIS - We need somebody upfront.

MONETTES - Do you mean Robbie Keane?

CHRIS - I'm not sure. Some people say he's a c***.

MON - Oh I get by with a little help from Storey- Moore.
          We'll find someone or other to score
          Replacing the those who can't hit the barn-door
          But we won't need to cross any foreign shores.

MONETTES - Do you believe you can crack the top four?

MON - Yes I'm certain I could do it if I tried.

CHRIS - So this time next year Champions League?

MON - Only if you come with me to Red Merseyside.

          Oh I'll get by with a little help from the Kop.
          We'll go right to the tippity-top.
           Oh I'll get high with a little help from the Kop.

ACT TWO

Int.

A large underground bunker on an island somewhere in the South China Seas. The walls are covered with huge plasma TVs - each showing a different match from somewhere in the world. Minions clad in skin-tight Chelsea kits stare intently at the screens. In the middle of the room lying on a slab is a barely conscious CHRIS SMITH. Above him looms a huge laser beam machine.

Song: "Strictly Four Four Two No Midfield Diamond".

CHRIS - Picture yourself on an airplane to Paris
             Or Moscow or Munich or Madrid or Rome.
             Everyone smiles as we score the away goal
             That means the Champions League's coming home.

Enter GNASHER arms flailing wildly and smoke billowing from his failing logic-circuits.

GNASHER - champions league heh heh facepalm heh heh heh heh heh larf brian clough heh heh facepalm chris smith monette percy heh heh.

GNASHER explodes and the island begins to sink. In the confusion CHRIS SMITH escapes in small rowing boat. And begins pulling for all he's worth.
As the island slowly sinks into the sea we cut back to the boat. CHRIS SMITH and HILTSCOOLERKING are lying together smoking sharing a cigarette.

CHRIS - Do you want to play my vuvuzela or shall I have another go on yours?

FADE TO BLACK

That's brilliant stuff. Missed it earlier.

We need more of this rather than arguments about the merits of Robbie Keane and gnasher bashing.

[Greg N'Ash]

heh. i'd like to point out ron that my punctuation is so poor because my keyboard broke 2 or 3 weeks go, and i have no punctuation marks, no capitols, and i'm missing 12 letters including 'a'. all my posts are lovingly hand-crafted using cut'n paste :o))

[peter w]

I may be alone in thinking this, but hey. I just dont think Albrighton will make it. Whenever I have seen him, which is as a sub many times last season, he looks fine when he has the ball, and delivers a decent cross, but he doesnt look anywhere near strong enough to cope with top level football. Also, it looks like he is quick because he is so small. He looked great in the pre-season friendlies last season, but thats when you get more time on the ball. Unless he gets stronger, I cant see a future for him.

I agree. In the admittedly few times that I've seen him I've never been that impressed.

[Mazrim]

Oh well, almost everybody who's seen him play regularly (and Ole Gunnar Solksjaer) reckon he's going to be top class.
Watch this space (more than a few isolated times).

[Malandro]

peter w

gregnash

aston villa

bitching

[villa1]

heh. i'd like to point out ron that my punctuation is so poor because my keyboard broke 2 or 3 weeks go, and i have no punctuation marks, no capitols, and i'm missing 12 letters including 'a'. all my posts are lovingly hand-crafted using cut'n paste :o))

That happened to me a while ago. The 'n' button stopped working. Used to drive me round the bend!

[TheSandman]

Me too.

Most amusingly of all it was the V key. Cue a lot of posts using the word illa.

It sorted itself out.

Why do I keep thinking of Greg in his basement sanding a piece of timber with violin music in the background when I see the words lovingly handcrafted?

[Greg N'Ash]

buh?

MARTIN O'NEILL believes the likes of Gareth Bale at Tottenham should be an inspiration to his out-of-favour Aston Villa players.
Steve Sidwell, Nigel Reo-Coker, Habib Beye, Nicky Shorey, Luke Young and Curtis Davies are all available for moves out of Villa Park this summer after failing to cement first team places.

But O'Neill claims Wales international Bale, who re-established himself at White Hart Lane under Harry Redknapp last season, is an example of how quickly things can change.

He said: "Look at how Harry Redknapp has gone and re-entrusted players again like Gareth Bale.

"He was out of the picture at Tottenham, then came back into the side and did brilliantly.

"That sort of things happens at every club and I keep saying this to some of our players who have obviously been disappointed at not playing.

"It changes so quickly. You play really well in a game, you might get unlucky to be left out next time.

"But then, the second time, there's no reason to be left out and it just goes on from there."

[Greg N'Ash]

don't know if this has been posted but a list of potential targets for villa from the independent> some names i've not seen


http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/football/transfers/aston-villa-potential-transfer-targets-2020807.html?action=Popup

[eamonn]

ronshirt, take a bow.

[GullyFoyle]

heh. i'd like to point out ron that my punctuation is so poor because my keyboard broke 2 or 3 weeks go, and i have no punctuation marks, no capitols, and i'm missing 12 letters including 'a'. all my posts are lovingly hand-crafted using cut'n paste :o))

Gregg, if you look under All programs/accessibility, you will find an on-screen keyboard, It's a bit limited, but it has the most important punctuation marks and, of course, upper and lower case letters. Hope this helps!

[Phil from the upper holte]

don't know if this has been posted but a list of potential targets for villa from the independent> some names i've not seen


http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/football/transfers/aston-villa-potential-transfer-targets-2020807.html?action=Popup

Some of them look like a re-hash of old targets. I really can't see MON signing a right back at all. Not while Carlos wants to be in the team

[*shellac*]

don't know if this has been posted but a list of potential targets for villa from the independent> some names i've not seen

http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/football/transfers/aston-villa-potential-transfer-targets-2020807.html?action=Popup

Some of them look like a re-hash of old targets. I really can't see MON signing a right back at all. Not while Carlos wants to be in the team

I stopped at the 2nd slide (Carlton Cole).  I don't want to look sad when I go home to my wife.

[Irish villain]

Of that list Miguel and Stephen Ireland appeal to me  the most.

Seems we are being linked with keepers this summer. First Frey now Kuszczak. Is this based on Brad junior's performance in the League Cup semi-final I wonder?