Heroes & Villains, the Aston Villa fanzine
Heroes & Villains => Heroes Discussion => Topic started by: russon on January 28, 2013, 07:58:30 AM
-
i have 3 lined up if Mr Kendrick's got writer's block -
Preening Poser Pardew Prevails Over Paul's Ponderous Pathetic Powder Puff Premiership Plummeting Pussies (catchy innit?)
Lambert Walks
Lambo's Lions Marmalize Magpies (i throw that one in for free in the knowledge that royalties are unlikely to follow)
-
Lambo's Lions roar back.
Weimann 2, Whey aye men 0.
-
22 Useless ******
-
Lambert sacked.
-
Lamb Chopped by minted Chairmen who is on the gravy train.
-
"Hmubublh mumblublubhhm gumbublhum ahanalohb we go again," warns Villa boss.
-
Honest bunch of lads.
-
Lambo chopped.
-
Lambo chows down on Toon man baps
-
Lambert feeling les bleus..... fans call for managers head.
Sissoko, Mbghdn ybanfgt, Gouffran and Cabeye smash Villa.
-
Villans in dreamland - clear corner.
-
Zut Alors!
French Fancies sink Villa.
-
Six Appeal!
Benteke and Weimann hat-tricks sink the Toon and put the smiles back on Villa Fans' faces.
-
Weds 30th Jan 2013:
Lambert: I WONT RESIGN
Beleaguered Aston Villa manager Paul Lambert issued a defiant message to the Villa boo-boys after last night's heavy home defeat to resurgent Newcastle United. The same old failings reared their head for the umpteenth match where simple set piece defending were their undoing. Belgian powerhouse Christian Benteke had missed a host of chances in the opening 20 minutes as Villa came out of the blocks. Slowly the Geordies rallied as they exposed the weakness down Villa's left hand side which Paul Lambert has failed to address despite the January transfer window opportunity. A neat cross was whipped over, Vlaar was outjumped by his marker and (barcode) headed in. The Villa heads dropped and minutes later Clark having being yellow carded for a foul on (insert barcode here) was turned inside out by (barcode) and went down in the box. Referee (insert twat here) pointed to the spot and (Barcode) sent Guzan the wrong way. A hail of boos descended as the players walked to the tunnel hoping that the players would receive a rocket from Lambert in the dressing room. Within a minute of the restart the game was over as a contest. (Bar code) surged again down Villa's left, crossed for (barcode) as Vlaar and Clark got in a tangle and the majority of the ground headed for the exits.
-
"Hmubublh mumblublubhhm gumbublhum ahanalohb we go again," warns Villa boss.
Thanks for the translation. First lol of the week.
-
4uked up again
-
Oh Blimey!
Arthritic blind Villa fan Steve Blimey charges onto the pitch to head away a corner.
-
Lamblasted
-
"Zog On The Tyne"
Former Mags hotshot last night gunned down his old team with an inspired attacking display..............
or more likely
Paul 45
-
Is it too much to hope for a rap-around front/back page double spread noting the demise of a much maligned ex prime minister?
-
Lambert's Lemmings
-
Two dogs fight over rubber bone
-
Villa in treble transfer swoop!
-
Villa hat-trick hero has Holte happy .Haddaway an' shite says Toon boss.
-
DOOMED!
-
Surely the broken Villa badge is due for an appearance in the Mail.
-
Surely the broken Villa badge is due for an appearance in the Mail.
I've been expecting this since the Bradford game, if we get nothing from the next 2 games it will appear after Everton.
-
Silence of the Lamb
-
WOW
-
For the Lamb of God- GO !
-
Bent, over and out.
-
Lamb Dopeyiaza
-
Lamb Shanked
-
Shock Villa win
-
Super Bentricky
-
Not sure about the headline, but the article will have any selection of the following phrases in...."crisis club" "humiliation" "defensive weakness" "we go again" "set pieces" and "can't defend"
Hopefully it may also include "despite their massive january squad overhaul, Newcastle came unstuck...."
I like "Lamb Shanked" the best!
-
LAMB CHOP BY VILLA
please Villa win ffs
-
Oh Remy , It sounds so real.
Every bloody team hits us down our left side , wtf this has not been sorted and don't get me on defending corners.
-
BARCODES ZAPPED!
-
Ermagherd! Verller wern a gurm of furtburl!
-
SHA finally go into liquidation
-
LESCOTT WINNER SINKS PARDEW
-
SACRE FUCKING BLEU!
The French certainly don't like it up 'em.
-
TOON RAIDER!
Lambert storms out of press conference as Villa sunk by Magpie new boys.
(Insert Villa badge cracked down the middle)
-
LAM-BERK
-
If we do the usual
Cornered - Lambert left with nowhere to go.
Or just
(Here) we go again.
or if not
Villa turn the corner.
-
Benteke 6 Newcastle 1
-
THE FRENCH CONNECTION
Gene Hackman brace sinks mags.
-
LESCOTT WINNER SINKS PARDEW
I think we've got 22 minutes left for that one to come true!!
-
Lamb in a stew, frog on the Tyne scores 3
-
Never mind the back page headline - the Mail will have it on their front page.
Tommy Docherty - 'This is the worst Villa Team I can Remember since the last worst team.'
Billy McNeil - 'This is a disgrace, no fight, no hunger, not playing for the shirt, players deliberately passing to the opposition so they can score, players bought in out injured for months and then being terrible, this is as bad as I am prepared to remember.'
Graham Turner - 'Young, Downing and Milner needed to go as they were passed their best, give Paul time.'
Josef Venglos - 'Tento tým Villa je nejhorší co si pamatuji, nemají boj, žádná vášeň, ne nic, je třeba, aby návrat do blažené doby 1990-1991.'
John Gregory - 'Terrible, awful, going to have a few problems sleeping for the next few nights, and I can't find the hair gel. By the way did I ever tell you that joke about having a standing order set up with the FA?'
Shaun Teale - 'Bunch of southern softy twats.'
-
Villa out of Toon as Lambo’s Lambs once more chopped down to size.
-
Villa 0 - 2 France
-
Never mind the back page headline - the Mail will have it on their front page.
Tommy Docherty - 'This is the worst Villa Team I can Remember since the last worst team.'
Billy McNeil - 'This is a disgrace, no fight, no hunger, not playing for the shirt, players deliberately passing to the opposition so they can score, players bought in out injured for months and then being terrible, this is as bad as I am prepared to remember.'
Graham Turner - 'Young, Downing and Milner needed to go as they were passed their best, give Paul time.'
Josef Venglos - 'Tento tým Villa je nejhorší co si pamatuji, nemají boj, žádná vášeň, ne nic, je třeba, aby návrat do blažené doby 1990-1991.'
John Gregory - 'Terrible, awful, going to have a few problems sleeping for the next few nights, and I can't find the hair gel. By the way did I ever tell you that joke about having a standing order set up with the FA?'
Shaun Teale - 'Bunch of southern softy twats.'
David O'Leary "Honest bunch of lads"
-
Paul Lamberts decision to leave Chritian Benteke out ahead of his proposed transfer deadline day move to Arsenal looked to have proved a masterstroke as Villa stormed into a 2 goal lead curtiousy of an Andy Wiemann double.
WIth ten minute to go it looked as though Lamberts Lions were set to record there first Premier league win on 2013. That was until Pappe Cisse scored twice in sixty seconds on the 81st minute.
With Villa hanging on for a precious point the inevibable happened when a stoppage time corner was headed home unchallenged from all of three yards out by Stephen Taylor
-
Looney Toon.
Cisse sees red as Magpies shot down.
-
Cornergeddon!
-
Cornergeddon!
This one gets my vote.
-
LAMB-PARD ??
Both Villa and Newcastle face an agonising 48 hour wait as Frank Lampard makes a decision on his future.
-
To steal one from Scotland - Super Magpies Go Ballistic Villa Are Attrocious
-
Par Due for the sack
-
"Cost of Petrol Soars in B6"
-
Oh sorry back page headlines! Can't think of one!
-
Sun headline - Lamb to the Slaughter.
Times Headline - Aston Villa Lose Again.
-
Daily Star:
Lambo's head on a rack .
Inside ,the pictures that will make Villa fans eyes pop out.
-
Weds 30th Jan 2013:
Lambert: I WONT RESIGN
Beleaguered Aston Villa manager Paul Lambert issued a defiant message to the Villa boo-boys after last night's heavy home defeat to resurgent Newcastle United. The same old failings reared their head for the umpteenth match where simple set piece defending were their undoing. Belgian powerhouse Christian Benteke had missed a host of chances in the opening 20 minutes as Villa came out of the blocks. Slowly the Geordies rallied as they exposed the weakness down Villa's left hand side which Paul Lambert has failed to address despite the January transfer window opportunity. A neat cross was whipped over, Vlaar was outjumped by his marker and (barcode) headed in. The Villa heads dropped and minutes later Clark having being yellow carded for a foul on (insert barcode here) was turned inside out by (barcode) and went down in the box. Referee (insert twat here) pointed to the spot and (Barcode) sent Guzan the wrong way. A hail of boos descended as the players walked to the tunnel hoping that the players would receive a rocket from Lambert in the dressing room. Within a minute of the restart the game was over as a contest. (Bar code) surged again down Villa's left, crossed for (barcode) as Vlaar and Clark got in a tangle and the majority of the ground headed for the exits.
Do you do lottery numbers too?
-
French Retreat to The North.
-
Daily Mail:
Lambert cap on immigration: Villa boss slams door on January imports.
-
BENT FRENCH
-
Villa in swoop for Messi.
-
Daily Express:
Worst snow storm since records began at Villa Park-says amateur weather forecaster Bob Crusty
-
Villa Finally Strike The Right Toon
-
L'Equipe:
Aston Villa mettent en déroute la Légion étrangčre.
-
I reckon there will be a pull out on whistles.
-
Lamblasted
I like that Levico, that's clever!
How about ...
Lamb is carved up, stewed for ninety minutes in a simmering rage, as Villa's lilly-livers were roasted again by struggling Barcodes. He won't get the chop though, but he does seem to have forgotten Delia's recipe for a winning team.
Alan Pardew said, after adjusting his beret and his uncharacteristically horizontal striped shirt, "It's the Bourgignon of the end for them, Monsieur!"
-
Edit, wrong thread! (Not quite so catchy is it?)
-
LAMB-BERK!
Clueless Villa boss's new 1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1 formation backfires.
Fans berate lack of width.
-
Hutton dressed as Lambert
Scottish International reveals "dream" to manage Aston Villa.
-
LESCOTT WINNER SINKS PARDEW
Earlier in the evening there were grave doubts that Lescott's medical will not be completed in time for him to play however the payer was rushed from Bodymoor Heath on the back of a low loader whilst still undergoing last minute check ups. The Villa medical team gave the final thumbs up just as players started leaving the changing room.
-
Lambert: I have no regrets! (But lots of money)
-
Daily Express:
Diana predicted Villa relegation
-
Daily Express:
Diana predicted Villa relegation
Inside: Is THIS Madeleine?
-
LAMB MINTED
Villa unveil new 30 mill signings before 1-0 win.
-
FRENCH CORRECTION
Villa Caned by Toon's Foreign Legion
-
SHOOT ALORS
-
French Fried!
Villa's young and hungry players
make fast food of Newcastle.
-
LAMB-BERK!
Clueless Villa boss's new 1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1 formation backfires.
Fans berate lack of width.
LAMB-BERK. Hilarious!
-
They fucked themselves up and it's woe again.
-
Magpies hit for six
Its meant to be gold when you see six magpies but Alan Pardew will be scrabbling for copper after tonight's drubbing at the hands of a transformed Aston Villa.
Astonishingly four of the Villans goals came from corners with Barry Bannan delivgering all of them "The gaffer said I should try and drill a few in at the near post so I did, amazingly they all got tapped in, I am surprised nobody has asked me to that before" Said the delighted Scot.
Darren Bents hattrick will surely please Villa fans, he glowed "I was asked to play a little deeper than usual with Chrictian and Andreass more forward and wide a bit. You know its amazing there, I could see people aheda of me and string together some passes and one twos that I managed to put away. of course being in a bit deeper I saw more of the ball, I cant remember the last time I had a game with 100 passes completed, so that makes me happy as well."
Villa fans will be in dreamland as the club announced there will be four new midfield signings unveiled tomorrow "I spoke to Randy over the weekend," Lambert explained "He was great and added twnty million to my transfer budget for this window, so that will be handy."
In other news deluded Villa fan CiggiesnBeer is reputed to have been well into a few drinks on Monday night "Up the fooking Villaaaaa" he slured as his head smacked onto the keyboard.
-
Surely with all Newcastle's new signings from across the Channel it has to be:
OUI GO AGAIN
-
Lamb' miserables.
-
LOVE FiFTEEN
-
We'll be fine
-
WIN: "It's vintage claret!"
LOSE: "Claret and Blue Nun"
-
"Merde ŕ nouveau"
-
AWAY THE LADS
Newcastle record their first victory away from home,by winning at Villa Park for the first time in seven years.The 0-2 victory was sealed by a bullet header frim Sissoko,their first goal scored from a corner this season
-
Villa Defeat........Lerner extends Lambert's Contract
-
French fried frillies double dunked by marvellous Villa.
-
Villa fail to deal with croissants again!
-
Chef Par Dieu serves up croissants to deepen villa malaise.
-
Gran In Eric Pickles Resemblance Misery
By Gary Birdshit
Grandmother Enid Caesar was distraught last night after a quirk of genetics left her looking like sweaty Conservative MP Eric Pickles.
And Caesar, 71, from Lozells, told the 'Mail': `I blame Paul Lambert.'
-
YOU BUNCH OF FUCKING C*NTS
probably won't make the nationals.
-
Toonami washes away Villa
-
Toonami washes away Villa
Careful Rodney Marsh lost his job at Sky because of a similar gag although his timing was rather off.
-
Griffin in "Why the fuck did I leave the house?" SHOCKER.
No? Just being self important again then!
-
Villa totally shit. Again.
-
plucky Villa lose again!
-
Newcastle only score 2
-
Villa agree deal to swap Bent for Sissokho and Tiote!!!!
We can dream.
-
Shock at Villa Match
Goals not conceded from corners.
-
We'll go again...
-
Faulk off Paul
-
lamberts to the slaughter
-
Unlikely to see this one but would love to see 'DOG SHIT' as the headline with the match report underneath!
-
Kiddy Harriers win thriller at Agborough
-
VILLA DEFEND CORNER
-
It'll be something toss like 'French Collection', 'Cabaye The Lads' or a variation on 'Nul Points'.