Heroes & Villains, the Aston Villa fanzine
Heroes & Villains => Heroes Discussion => Topic started by: brian green on May 04, 2016, 06:23:57 AM
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It's that time again. Nothing doing on Heroes and Villains. A few perfunctory skirmishes between old sweats over trivialities. No punathons. No trolls. DW's excellent piece getting only three replies.
We have all seen it. We all know every frame. Gary Cooper/Audie Murphy/Alan Ladd from the buckboard of the stagecoach squints his eyes against the sun and says "It's quiet out there". Gabby Hayes/Slim Pickens/Jack Elam spits tobacco juice on the trail and says "It's too quiet".
It's too quiet out there.
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Well I've just seen Larry Ellison waiting for a bus in Shirley.
Will that do?
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I think we're all a bit over them to be honest.
Personally, I really can't stand the sight of our team at the moment
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Well I've just seen Larry Ellison waiting for a bus in Shirley.
Will that do?
Weird, I just watched him board a ridiculously small yacht on the south coast.
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I just saw Randy Lerner at a Donald Trump 'rally'... he was writing out a cheque....
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Everything has been done to death. If you have not got anything interesting or informative to say...don't say it.
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That's probably why there is complete silence at home games, it's all been done to death.
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Well I've just seen Larry Ellison waiting for a bus in Shirley.
Will that do?
Weird, I just watched him board a ridiculously small yacht on the south coast.
It possibly wasn't him, Mr M. He's apparently using a number of decoys to keep the press-pack off his tail. I've just seen him go through Hove on the 700 Coastliner bus, heading towards Brighton. Well either that, or it was another pesky doppelganger... :o
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Nice weather for it, though.
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I need a new kettle.
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I need a new kettle.
I love kettle shopping, I'm in my element.
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Did you hear something?
(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/3f/Gabby_hayes.png/220px-Gabby_hayes.png)
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"Fancy a pint Gabby?"
"Yeah why not; what could possibly go wrong?"
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I need a new kettle.
I love kettle shopping, I'm in my element.
Me too. Does wonders for my self esteam
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I need a new kettle.
I love kettle shopping, I'm in my element.
Me too. Does wonders for my self esteam
Tommy Cooper went into a shop and said, 'Can someone sell me a kettle?'
The bloke said 'Kenwood'
He said, 'Where is he then?'..................Godzvilla ! ( IŽll get me coat!)
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Did you hear something?
(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/3f/Gabby_hayes.png/220px-Gabby_hayes.png)
Is that Eric Cantona? And why has he got a cowboys hat on?
http://www.skysports.com/football/news/11667/10266660/marouane-fellaini-elbow-on-robert-huth-natural-reaction-to-having-hair-pulled-says-louis-van-gaal
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The subject of Aston Villa as it stands has been flogged to death. It is now at the point that the mods could change the titles of game threads and post game threads to accomodate the latest match and most people probably wouldnt even notice. Same for Dave's Monday Morning write up (Sorry Dave, I imagine its harder for you to write than it is for us to read).
The manager thread has been through everybody out there and is now back to Pearson, the arguments for and against could be a direct copy from about 30 pages previously.
The new owner thread is now coming up close to 1000 pages and has literally been around the world, Arabs, Chinese, Americans, British, British Consortium, Fan Owned, Due dilligence, Shunamites, Back to America and now a head to head between Brits, More Americans and More Chinese with a portion of romantic nourishment in there somewhere. The price has gone from 250m to 50m and still we have Randolph at the helm.
The summer speculation thread is completely null and void because of our current situation, Im just waiting for villaskillzkicks latest christmas list to surface (for the first time ever Jose Altidore is a viable shout)
Its all so "meh" at the moment. Im off to the gardening thread. Toodle pip.
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Did you hear something?
(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/3f/Gabby_hayes.png/220px-Gabby_hayes.png)
(https://cdn.meme.am/instances/56617133.jpg)
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It is a little eerily quiet.... I don't want to jump to conclusions, but, IT'S ON IT'S DEFINITELY HAPPENING TODAY.
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I need a new kettle.
I love kettle shopping, I'm in my element.
I find kettles are a great way to let off steam.
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Hmmm...
(http://themennonite.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/mr.-potato-head.jpg)
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Hmmm...
(http://themennonite.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/mr.-potato-head.jpg)
I knew they never executed Saddam. Look at him... Brazen as f**k.
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We are all too busy staring at the horizon, Brian.
We have always held to the hope, the belief, the conviction that there is a better life, a better world, beyond the horizon.
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We are all too busy staring at the horizon, Brian.
We have always held to the hope, the belief, the conviction that there is a better life, a better world, beyond the horizon.
Gabby's blocking out the sunlight
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We are all too busy staring at the horizon, Brian.
We have always held to the hope, the belief, the conviction that there is a better life, a better world, beyond the horizon.
Tonev could cut it in the championship
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I need a new kettle.
I love kettle shopping, I'm in my element.
Me too. Does wonders for my self esteam
Not sure I can handle people spouting kettle puns...
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I need a new kettle.
I love kettle shopping, I'm in my element.
Me too. Does wonders for my self esteam
Not sure I can handle people spouting kettle puns...
Nor me. Boils my piss
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I need a new kettle.
I love kettle shopping, I'm in my element.
Me too. Does wonders for my self esteam
Not sure I can handle people spouting kettle puns...
I couldn't really cord less.
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The brand of kettle puns on this thread leaves Swan wondering just what is going on.
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Back to the Bull pit.
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Back to the Bull pit.
Get the link Steve R ,but this is really difficult, its become a bit of a Russell Hobbsons choice to carry it on, new subject please?
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I thought this was going to be a thread about Flabby packing football in and taking up darts the fucking fat fucker.
(http://www.bbc.co.uk/staticarchive/dce4f87eccb71d3e9eac72ea18eaa95af8dbb1a9.jpg)
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My neighbour has had a quote for a conservatory.
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The brand of kettle puns on this thread leaves Swan wondering just what is going on.
I am fed up of the rubbish from Lescott, and I can't take any Morphy Richards...
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My kettle keeps phoning up old BBC snooker programmes. At least it gives us something to talk about.
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My kettle keeps phoning up old BBC snooker programmes. At least it gives us something to talk about.
Ooh! That's very good!
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I went the hairdresser today for highlights. She showed me clips of previous haircuts, it was boring.
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tick.... tock.... tick..... tock.....
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I don't want to worry anyone but as I was driving to work passed Villa Park this morning there were literally hundreds of Newcastle fans camped outside the Holte End.
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I think this is driving me mad.
That tick.......tock........tick.......tock.... gave me visions of High Noon. Misspent youth bunking off school to go the pictures catching up with me. Coming shortly....... Last Train To Yuma.
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The last man in support of Gary Cooper has just bottled it having realised there's only two of them to fight the evil Frank Miller - opting instead to declare his wife and family are more important.
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This is a kettle.
(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-feZ7-DvOi-w/UizXlVwWGbI/AAAAAAAAAG8/37rVhVXUHCw/s1600/cable+st+kettle+sept+7th+2013.jpg)
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My neighbour has had a quote for a conservatory.
Now is the window of our discontent.
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My neighbour has had a quote for a conservatory.
Sounds like a fair exchange.
If he's got a nice front door, I know some Shakespeare
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A horse A horse
A Bay Window for a horse
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I am lead to believe that Ashley's favourite holiday destination is Westwood Ho.
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what a let down.
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Why are they called The Red Arrows when they are so obviously aeroplanes?
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what a let down.
Massive.
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(https://hollywoodhatesme.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/lassie-saves-boy.jpg)
'What's that Lassie?"
"Woof"
"There's a commotion at the old Lerner place?"
"Woof woof!"
"Sven Goran Ericsson and a Chinese Billionaire?"
"Woof woof woof!"
"Admin? Who the fuck is Admin?"
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"What's that lassie"
"Woof"
"You want to do what to me"?
"Woof woof"
"Fk off I'm trying to sleep"
"Woof woof woof"
"I said FK O...where are you putting that paw..."?
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My neighbour has had a quote for a conservatory.
Conservatory - "That pigeon over there keeps shitting on my head"
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A Midsummer house dream.
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"Is this a uPVC door I see before me, the handle toward my hand?"
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Roomeo, Roomeo, wherefore art thou Roomeo?
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The Two Gentlemen of Verandah
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This blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this Patio
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"What's that Lassie?"
"Moo"
"Wait a minute, where the fucks Lassie gone?"
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Forget Lassie, you'll do
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Wake up kid. Grab these fucking books willya. I am outa here. My agent has got me a try out for Black Bag in Viz. I ain't your bitch no more.
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(https://hollywoodhatesme.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/lassie-saves-boy.jpg)
I'm surprised no-one has read the real story in this picture.
Lassie is us the humble supporter, ever faithful and alert to all the anxieties and problems that abound. The books can be interpreted as our proud history and the sleeping boy is the hapless Lerner completely oblivious to what's going on.
Alternatively the sleeping boy is Agbonlahor and Lassie (Lescott) has just brought him a stack of porn.
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After killing the little bastard with some books Lassie had to decide whether to eat the bastard or shag him.
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Like the B6 allegory. The tree trunk in the background either symbolises the trees we have not pulled up over the last six years or it is no more than a plank which of course is Richards.
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The image being in black and white symbolic of living in the past, the tree cracked but otherwise featureless represents the squad, and the boy dozing oblivious to all around him, the smug little twat, obviously Lerner.
The cold, miserable stare of Lassie represents the fans sat witnessing the car crash happening all around them, whilst clinging onto their copies of H&V to remind them what might have been.
I've depressed myself now, I'm off to cry in the corner....
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No, I think the boy is Adam. Above Lassie - who is Eve - is evidence of where the apple fell from. He fell unconscious and she's unsure what to do so has brought him a copy of the Torah, The Bible, the Qu'ran and Children of the Revolution. Eve whispers to him, "Adam, my love, time to make a choice".
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I think you're all barking up the wrong tree.
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I see Jez from Peep Show - 'Shall I rape him?'
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The boy is a supporter blissfully dreaming of a time when we will be great again.
Lassie, faithfully carrying the books to be audited for due diligence before presenting them to our new billionaire owners.
The tree is Atropa Belladonna, otherwise known as Deadly Nightshade.
So whatever happens, someone always comes along to poison our dreams.
*sigh*
Happy Friday everyone.
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A sneak preview of Eric Black's game plan for tomorrow.
(http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/z/funny-arrows-set-17668822.jpg)
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Which one's Bacuna?
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My kettle keeps phoning up old BBC snooker programmes. At least it gives us something to talk about.
Water you on about.....? Oh, I get it. And now I have the theme tune in my head!
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Wasn't there a series (some sort of pilot show) recently which included a clueless caretaker who kept on picking boring, unimaginative football teams with tactics to match?
Oh yes I remember
Clot Black.
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Wasn't there a series (some sort of pilot show) recently which included a clueless caretaker who kept on picking boring, unimaginative football teams with tactics to match?
Oh yes I remember
Clot Black.
There are many that baulk at his selections. I can only hope he doesn't get an extension.
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Give it a rest
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just chalk it down to experience
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Cueing up all these puns is meaningless. Nothing can cushion the blow of watching us play.
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Which one's Bacuna?
The one grinning after being booed.
It's all a load of balls anyway
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Arrow time? Is Oliver Queen about to buy us?
That's just typical - he will be away on an Island for 5 years while everyone thinks he's dead, then lose all his money to his girlfriend by season 3!
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Cueing up all these puns is meaningless. Nothing can cushion the blow of watching us play.
And if we're not sold soon, Lerner will pocket any transfer fees before he makes a break for it.
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Thats it. We're Snookered.
And we've reached an alltime Lowe.
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And for those watching in black and white, the team in claret and blue are a bunch of useless tossers.
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Arrow time? Is Oliver Queen about to buy us?
That's just typical - he will be away on an Island for 5 years while everyone thinks he's dead, then lose all his money to his girlfriend by season 3!
Are you sure that's not Randy?
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But...back to the arrow.
'Oh, Jerry. Why should we reach for the moon
When we have the stars?'
(Thanks to Bette Davis)
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Yow dorty rot.
James Cagney.
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Andy Devine. I've been trying to think of his name for days.
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Nice one. Andy Devine who spoke as though his voice had never broken properly. Great actor from a golden age of Hollywood.
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Nice one. Andy Devine who spoke as though his voice had never broken properly. Great actor from a golden age of Hollywood.
As opposed to Devine Brown whose voice always sounded as though she had a mouthful of Hugh Grant's ...Oh, hang on a minute...
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Did she walk like a man?