Heroes & Villains, the Aston Villa fanzine
Heroes & Villains => Heroes Discussion => Topic started by: alanclare on November 23, 2010, 02:26:48 PM
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On November 22nd a thread was started with a posting by Damo70 entitled A Ship Without a Rudder, in which he, as a “Martin O’Neill fan”, wrote of his worries about the Club’s apparent lack of direction.
A hint of what was to follow was contained in a posting by hawkeye:
“I guess the ‘big plan’ is to have everybody from the chairman through the manager and coaching staff to the players all pulling in the same direction.”
This allusion was immediately pounced upon by dave.woodhall:
“And not walking away just as you're about to set sail taking with him the rudder, sails, mast, oars and anchor.”
The analogy was established. For a while the thread reverted to type and a desultory correspondence was devoted to the subject of the pros and cons of the MoN era. But then luke25 brought the metaphor back on course with a thoughtful piece:
“The ship was sailing steadily with Captain MON steering it, however the journey was just so dull, the sea was gentle and the scenery was the same mile after mile. Now under Captain Hotlips it’s a lot more dangerous, having to dodge icebergs and waterfalls, the sea is choppy, we occasionally get shot at by Pirates, but its a damn site more exciting.”
Troy Eccles expanded the theme with:
“O’Neill had us sailing down the wrong river to get to the ocean. He got as far as he could down that river, I grant you. And the view, on occasion, was pretty nice.
“But, in order to get to the ocean, he needed to turn the boat around. He refused to do it and chose instead to walk the plank, floating aimlessly until some Arabs came along and gave him lots of money to captain their little boat up some shitty estuary no-one really knows (or cares) anything about.
“So, now we're reversing course in order to find the right river that takes us to the ocean.
“On the way, we've already caught some fish. They've not matured to full flavour yet and one isn't even legal size but it looks so so good. No doubt the new captain, armed with a much longer reel and far more knowledge of the waters, will land us some excellent fish.
“And, eventually, I'm sure, we'll get to the ocean where we'll be joined by bikini models with legs that don't quit and magnificent breasts, pouting lips and this really unique way of...oh, hang on - wrong website. Sorry.”
A fine seaman-like contribution from TheSandman:
“Our problem is that we are weighed down with too much ballast. Also, we sourced much of this ballast at the dock before we set sail rather than at foreign ports where we would have been able to source lighter and cheaper ballast. We spent £6 million on some orange ballast from Chelsea that is neither use nor ornament and these kind of mistakes dogged the captaincy of our former captain. He also put this ballast in the wrong place leading to a horribly unbalanced ship.
”We also are down to the bare bones in terms of crew. We have lost two first officers from the engine room one after the other and whilst First Officer Reo Coker and his predecessor Petrov had their deficiencies they were both solid officers with reasonable knowledge of operating the boat. We are having to staff HMS Aston Villa with cadets for Pete's sake! Sure the Scottish Cadet and his colleague from Tamworth are promising officers but it is not ideal to rely on such inexperienced crew.
”Our new captain needs time to get going and restaff the ship but I have every confidence in him.”
And finally Leighton thought that:
“With Mon in charge, it was much like the Royal Navy: living on great past glories but in drastic need of a major overall. Enter the French to come in, patch us up, and help push us forward to sunnier seas!”
And this was the final flowering of the Astonian analogy that produced the nautical metaphor that was A Ship Without a Rudder.....unless you can add to it?
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"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea."
Well someone did mention the French coming in!
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I guess it just goes to show boys will be buoys.
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That two pages sorted for next issue Dave :)
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Now just like you I've sailed my dreams like ships across the sea
And some of them they've come on rocks, and some faced mutiny
And when they're sunken one by one I'll join that company
Old admirals who feel the wind, and never put to sea
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"Gerard Houllier's claret n blue navy"
rpt
rpt
rpt
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Oh, save me
Save me from tomorrow
I don't want to sail with this ship of fools
Oh, save me
Save me from tomorrow
I don't want to sail with this ship of fools
No, no, I want to run and hide
Right now
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Sail away, sail away, sail away........
Don't worry. I'm not Enya.
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Sheldon nose can be the (w)anchor!
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There's an article in the latest edition of the fanzine about HMT Aston Villa. Part II is being worked on.
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There's an article in the latest edition of the fanzine about HMT Aston Villa. Part II is being worked on.
How can you work on part two when the boat sank in part one? Raise the HMT Aston Villa?
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You're not far off with that.
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We should get together and write a book. Add in some religious intrigue, an Iraqi or three who may or may not have a rocket launcher, some references to movies and music and a little girl who, although prominent in the first half of the book, mysteriously disappears while her rescuers all get injured.
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Oh you set your course for the furthest shores
And you never once looked back
And the flag you flew was a pirate cross
On a field of velvet black
And those landsmen who you but lately knew
Were left stranded on the lea
Don't call on them when the storm clouds rise
On the dark and the rolling sea
Oh I have no need of a chart or creed
You told your waiting crew
For the winds of chance, they will bear us straight
And you spoke as though you knew
So you paid no mind to the warning signs
As you gave your words so free
Don't change your tack when the timbers crack
On the dark and the rolling sea
Now the thunder rails in the great mainsails
And the stars desert the skies
And the rigging strains as the hands of rain
Reach down to wash your eyes
And your oarsmen stands with his knife in hand
And his eyes spell mutiny
Don't call my name when your ship goes down
On the dark and the rolling sea
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what can I say
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Drowning not waving.
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When the New York office of the White Star Line was informed that Titanic was in trouble, White Star Line Vice President P.A.S. Franklin announced " We place absolute confidence in the Titanic. We believe the boat is unsinkable."
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Downing not waving.
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So which bastard is trying to scuttle us?
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Do you think we have sailed into the "Bermuda Triangle" ??
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...meanwhile on board the SS Poseidon, Gene Hackman, frantically trying to get everyone to safety, notices a Frenchman, with a tiny little bucket, casually bailing water whilst waving to an imaginary crowd.
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What the fuck?
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Don't criticise...just add in a submarine-based load of shit.
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According to Doug, he once won the Americas Cup in a canoe. On the lake at Brookvale Park.
Or something like that anyway.