Heroes & Villains, the Aston Villa fanzine
Heroes & Villains => Heroes Discussion => Topic started by: VinnieChase84 on April 06, 2016, 06:55:07 AM
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The Sun (yes the Sun) are reporting that we want him to be our DOF.
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/sport/football/7053229/Aston-Villa-make-shock-move-to-land-Andy-Townsend-as-director-of-football.html
Problem with this article for me is that we have gone on record as not wanting a DOF but a HOF (not David).
I heard Andy on the radio last week and he does know Hollis so there may be something in this.
Anyway, I would welcome him back to the club in a capacity for sure.
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Been on the grapevine for some time from better sources than the Sun so a distinct possibility.
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I heard this a few weeks back as well. An interesting choice if it comes off.
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What credentials does he have though? This role needs knowledge of running academies, arranging scouting networks and an understanding of modern PT techniques. I'm not sure where he would have knowledge of this, let alone experience.
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He knows the game inside out don't worry about that. Played at the highest level and understands the game and the club. If true I've no problems with this one at all.
Makes you wonder and shake your head at why it's taken 9 years, the thick end of 300 million down the toilet and a relegation to finally get our act together.
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Captain under Brian Little. They obviously have a good understanding together. Let's hope it leads to the club getting back where we should be.
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Good move if true to get another ex-player in who knows the club well. Ex-Captain as well with great leadership qualities.
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can't argue with that; I like AT a lot. Doesn't he still take his kids to watch?
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Very good in the media too. SVC please note.
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Can't see the point. Surely it is a role Brian Little can fill, or one he is already doing.
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I remember being a bit doubtful when he signed, turned out to be another great Irish signing.
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I remember being a bit doubtful when he signed, turned out to be another great Irish signing.
from Maidstone!
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Can't see the point. Surely it is a role Brian Little can fill, or one he is already doing.
Little is a (possibly unpaid) advisor. Townsend would be full-time and in charge. He'd be a good call - I've always thought he'd make a good manager. He knows football, you never hear a bad word about him and he is/was a leader. He's the one player we've never replaced and he could give chapter and verse to Richards about captaincy.
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It might be naive of me but I'm all for these former players and managers with Villa in their heart getting roles at the club. I want to believe that they are hurting as much as I am when we constantly break bad records, I want them to be one of us. I think between Andy and Brian there's enough knowledge and desire to get us moving in the right direction and get in players who will want to play for the club and help them understand what this club means to people.
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Can't see the point. Surely it is a role Brian Little can fill, or one he is already doing.
Little is a (possibly unpaid) advisor. Townsend would be full-time and in charge. He'd be a good call - I've always thought he'd make a good manager. He knows football, you never hear a bad word about him and he is/was a leader. He's the one player we've never replaced and he could give chapter and verse to Richards about captaincy.
He might have learned a bit from when he was in charge of the tactics truck
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I've always liked Townsend. Loved him as a player, and am in the minority that don't mind him as a pundit / radio presenter either.
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The criticism of the club has been about not having Villa men and football knowledge. This seems a decent move to me.
I like Townsend and think he could be a decent shout.
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Well this all sounds quite positive. Lets get him in asap.
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I remember being a bit doubtful when he signed, turned out to be another great Irish signing.
from Maidstone!
As Irish as Cascarino.
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Would be the kind of appointment to endorse.Knows the club inside out,and has spent the last 15 years observing the changes and ideas within the game at close quarters that has left us stranded with the flotsam and jetsam.
He know's the area,his family have grown up with Villa,feels the resentment about our position and will have more contacts within the game than the majority.Always struck myself as having a steely intellect,combined with a personable personality.I'm in.
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He's always struck me as a bit of an amiable know-nothing on ITV. He never says anything interesting ever. I remember once he said that Pep's Barca 'should really throw more crosses into the box'.
Fuck no, I say, but I suppose our new board does seem to be determined to bring back the '90s in all of its aspects. Maybe we should have mandatory centre-partings? Or stick Mr. Blobby up front?
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I think he would be a good appointment.
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Wouldn't be too unhappy with Townsend in that role but personally my first choice would be Sir Brian
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Then you listen to him on StarSports/ESPN and he's very savvy and tactically aware. I watched him after that on ITV and it was chalk and cheese. Not sure whether he thought, or was told, to keep it brief but simple but there was none of the understanding and analysis that I became used to. Plus he and his kids are Villa fans do he must be a good 'un.
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Then you listen to him on StarSports/ESPN and he's very savvy and tactically aware. I watched him after that on ITV and it was chalk and cheese. Not sure whether he thought, or was told, to keep it brief but simple but there was none of the understanding and analysis that I became used to. Plus he and his kids are Villa fans do he must be a good 'un.
Ahhh interesting, I've never seen or heard that programme. Links to highlights? Or will I actually have to find it myself (BOOOOO)? I must say, I'd be completely unsurprised if ITV told its commentators 'keep it simple, our viewers are morons'.
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I heard him on radio 5 a few times and thought he was totally different to the way he is on itv too. Judging him on commentary for the masses is a bit unfair. Was a great captain and sorely missed a bit like we missed Petrov.
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Well, I have an open mind. The only time I've ever heard him was on ITV, so all the evidence I had was pretty negative. I'd like to hear more though.
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If we're going to have a DoF, I think he's a good call. Well-respected, media-savvy, knows the game inside out and has the credibility of being the last Villa captain to lift a (meaningful) trophy.
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Its a yes from me, I like AT and believe he could add real value
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He's the last Villa skipper to lift a trophy, he's positive and a he's winner. I can't see any downside to having Andy Townsend's presence back around the Club, it would be good to see him back.
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He's the last Villa skipper to lift a trophy, he's positive and a he's winner. I can't see any downside to having Andy Townsend's presence back around the Club, it would be good to see him back.
What if he's not qualified to do his job?
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Unsure. Respected him as a player and captain but the Head of Football role - as I see it - is very different animal and whilst Townsend has never failed in such a position he will be learning in the job which has it's pitfalls.
To put it another way, would Arsenal fans be so keen on Adams getting a strategic position at their club. An extreme example but a good captain does not guarantee success in other roles.
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I liked him as a player, as a pundit/co-commentator he was crap. So unsure whether he is the right man, fingers crossed.
And i'm still annoyed that a) this wasn't a straight red, and b) Townsend seems to defend it
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The Townsend I've heard on the radio is very different to the one on TV, wonder if they have to dumb down for TV? Although Savage, Lawrenson and Ian Wright manage to keep a constant level of idiocy for both formats.
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At least he doesn't like Guzan or Lescott that sells it for me!
http://www.birminghammail.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/former-aston-villa-captain-andy-10719283
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Can't see the point. Surely it is a role Brian Little can fill, or one he is already doing.
BL has a job with the Jersey FA so may not want to / be available to do it.
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Will he bring his Tactics Truck?
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Or stick Mr. Blobby up front?
No, I think Gabby's had his day now.
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Me and the missus were talking about Townsend the other day, how he was one of those players that probably didn't have the greatest skill set in the game but worked really hard to make the most of what he'd got. Maybe that's transferred into post-game too. I don't think he came across as an idiot on ITV, just eager to please. There aren't many people who are involved in punditry in the UK that don't assume we're all aching for British clubs to win European trophies.
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I heard him on radio 5 a few times and thought he was totally different to the way he is on itv too. Judging him on commentary for the masses is a bit unfair. Was a great captain and sorely missed a bit like we missed Petrov.
He used to have a Sunday morning show on Talksport, and it was one of their best shows (faint praise, I know), completely lacking in their usual,adversarial bollocks and full of perceptive thoughts.
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Two of his big mates in the game are Southgate and Steve Bruce (they're still near neighbours I believe), which may have a bearing on who the new manager may be? Or am I putting two and two together and getting 12?
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not for me, clive.
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His punditry and commentary are quite polished now and he's a likeable chap. I wasn't his greatest fan during his playing days but he always worked his socks off. If he could instill some of that into this lot he'd be a real asset.
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Pat Murphy has said unequivocally that it's not going to happen.
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Can't see the point. Surely it is a role Brian Little can fill, or one he is already doing.
Little is a (possibly unpaid) advisor. Townsend would be full-time and in charge. He'd be a good call - I've always thought he'd make a good manager. He knows football, you never hear a bad word about him and he is/was a leader. He's the one player we've never replaced and he could give chapter and verse to Richards about captaincy.
Think he was part of that ''lads club'' at Chelsea who Graeme Le Saux said he was bullied by, (constantly called a homosexual for being different etc.) but that aside, he seemed to keep his nose clean over the years.
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Thank god it's not going to happen, he was only saying the weekend that Westwood is not to blame for the mess were in because he at least trys..
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Seems Brian might only be temporary which is a shame.As said in the article, there is a lot of fan appeasement going on, I hope not at the risk of missing out on the wrong man.
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Then you listen to him on StarSports/ESPN and he's very savvy and tactically aware. I watched him after that on ITV and it was chalk and cheese. Not sure whether he thought, or was told, to keep it brief but simple but there was none of the understanding and analysis that I became used to. Plus he and his kids are Villa fans do he must be a good 'un.
Ahhh interesting, I've never seen or heard that programme. Links to highlights? Or will I actually have to find it myself (BOOOOO)? I must say, I'd be completely unsurprised if ITV told its commentators 'keep it simple, our viewers are morons'.
This was when i was overseas so unfortunately I can't offer any links.
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Can't see the point. Surely it is a role Brian Little can fill, or one he is already doing.
Little is a (possibly unpaid) advisor. Townsend would be full-time and in charge. He'd be a good call - I've always thought he'd make a good manager. He knows football, you never hear a bad word about him and he is/was a leader. He's the one player we've never replaced and he could give chapter and verse to Richards about captaincy.
Think he was part of that ''lads club'' at Chelsea who Graeme Le Saux said he was bullied by, (constantly called a homosexual for being different etc.) but that aside, he seemed to keep his nose clean over the years.
I think this was disappointing to be brought up (by le saux) specifically regarding Townsend. townsend's 'crime' was when le saux was reading the Guardian Townsend would grab the paper and mock it for its interest levels and lack of football. Obviously it would be more base than that but who among us who have played football 9not making this just about football but in all workplaces) have played/worked with colleagues who are just fuckwits? We all have. Townsend may have learned from his mistakes and may look at them with a little bit of shame, but the incident Le saux specifically referred to (and he mentioned Townsend by name and linked him to this one incident) should have been ;eft inhouse and between them.
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Townsend always struck me as being more than a bit dim. I'd much rather see somebody like Southgate who at least put his balls on a line as a manager than somebody who has taken the easy option of being a pundit. He's an especially bad pundit anyway, isn't he?
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Can't see the point. Surely it is a role Brian Little can fill, or one he is already doing.
Little is a (possibly unpaid) advisor. Townsend would be full-time and in charge. He'd be a good call - I've always thought he'd make a good manager. He knows football, you never hear a bad word about him and he is/was a leader. He's the one player we've never replaced and he could give chapter and verse to Richards about captaincy.
Think he was part of that ''lads club'' at Chelsea who Graeme Le Saux said he was bullied by, (constantly called a homosexual for being different etc.) but that aside, he seemed to keep his nose clean over the years.
I think this was disappointing to be brought up (by le saux) specifically regarding Townsend. townsend's 'crime' was when le saux was reading the Guardian Townsend would grab the paper and mock it for its interest levels and lack of football. Obviously it would be more base than that but who among us who have played football 9not making this just about football but in all workplaces) have played/worked with colleagues who are just fuckwits? We all have. Townsend may have learned from his mistakes and may look at them with a little bit of shame, but the incident Le saux specifically referred to (and he mentioned Townsend by name and linked him to this one incident) should have been ;eft inhouse and between them.
I think Townsend should just not have been a prick.
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True but this was when he was a kid himself and probably not the brightest. He may have seen the error in his ways and learned from it. I mean how many of us on here can't look back to some point in their early 20s and think that they were a bit of an idiot in certain situations and are horrified by choices made in a split second?
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Well, perhaps. It does sound like it happened quite a lot though, doesn't it? I have less sympathy with repeated actions like that, if so.
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He's the last Villa skipper to lift a trophy, he's positive and a he's winner. I can't see any downside to having Andy Townsend's presence back around the Club, it would be good to see him back.
I'll second that.
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Yes it does and that's why I was disappointed to see his name mentioned. But then again he was made captain of Villa by Brian Little and I doubt the character of the le saux episode could have been the same character just a few years after. Maybe he just grew up.
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Pat Murphy on Twitter:
"Andy Townsend NOT earmarked for Director of Football @AVFCOfficial as there will be no such role. Head of Football Ops on football board, will likely to be Adrian Bevington with Brian Little providing extra practical experience. Other 2 on fboard David Bernstein,Lord King."
When asked if Townsend will be involved in any way he said: "Not aware of it. He gave input recently,along with other former Villa players."
So it seems we may have approached a few former players for their advice.
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Doubt this willI happen to be honest as he would have to be willing to give up his media career. The sort of role he's linked with would surely be a full time position, rather than something that can be worked on a couple of days a week.
Also, there's the conflict of interest. Don't think it would good to be working for a club and then work in the media and pass comment on it.
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I think Southgate would make a good Head of Football if the scope was to organise the whole playing side from Academy through to 1st team providing that it only runs as far as liaising with the 1st team manager. From what I have read about him, he seems a very good and intelligent administrator.
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Really liked Andy Townsend the player, thought he was great for us. His time at the club probably means my views of him as a pundit are a little rose tinted. Sounds like there isn't going to be such a role at the club now, but if there is, I would like to see someone with proven experience in that type of role.
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Great Player and a leader. Didn't Big Ron say i wanted Keane but we eneded up with AT. Probably the last time a player will leave Chealsea to come to us.
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Hollis lives near Townsend, so that's how they'd know each other.
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Got to be a good move - a wealth of Football knowledge. I can't believe some of the negative comments on here - we need more football people involved.
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I can't believe some of the negative comments on here
Do you not come on here very often?
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Great Player and a leader. Didn't Big Ron say i wanted Keane but we eneded up with AT. Probably the last time a player will leave Chealsea to come to us.
Bertrand? Though I take your point.
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I've never considered Townsend a DOF type, but he's very in touch with the game. He has to simplify what he sees for the TV audience but that's not to say he might have a keen eye for what is needed. He was a top captain and though and we've not had many top captains outside of Barry, Laursen and Stan over the last few years.
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I've never considered Townsend a DOF type, but he's very in touch with the game. He has to simplify what he sees for the TV audience but that's not to say he might have a keen eye for what is needed. He was a top captain and though and we've not had many top captains outside of Barry, Laursen and Stan over the last few years.
Neither have the club by the sounds of it.
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I've never considered Townsend a DOF type, but he's very in touch with the game. He has to simplify what he sees for the TV audience but that's not to say he might have a keen eye for what is needed. He was a top captain and though and we've not had many top captains outside of Barry, Laursen and Stan over the last few years.
Neither have the club by the sounds of it.
No I see Pat Murphy has denied it being an option. But I do like the fact that we are reaching out to former players and getting a much bigger database of Villa opinions. Say what you want about some of them but if they had any kind of career with us, they care. And I include Collymore who just vocalizes it differently. I hope we are talking to Gregory, Morley, Mortimer, McInally, Shaw, Taylor (Ian and Sir Graham) etc etc about how to fix the club because we need to bring the Villa family together. One of Randy's biggest failures has been to not embrace our past as much as he spoke about and printed its importance.
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I agree, we finally seem to be doing the things we should have been doing years ago. Makes me a lot more optimistic for the future than if we were going down with things as they were 6 months ago.
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Not for me, Clive.
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Good point TV. You need to reach into Aston Villa to find out about and understand Aston villa. Lerner has tried but given us his version of Aston Villa - mosaics, doing up a pub no-one really caers about, etc. That wasn't Aston Villa but Randy Lerner's Aston Villa. You build and feed from institutions. You don't do cover versions which we sadly are now.
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Can't see the point. Surely it is a role Brian Little can fill, or one he is already doing.
Little is a (possibly unpaid) advisor. Townsend would be full-time and in charge. He'd be a good call - I've always thought he'd make a good manager. He knows football, you never hear a bad word about him and he is/was a leader. He's the one player we've never replaced and he could give chapter and verse to Richards about captaincy.
Think he was part of that ''lads club'' at Chelsea who Graeme Le Saux said he was bullied by, (constantly called a homosexual for being different etc.) but that aside, he seemed to keep his nose clean over the years.
I think this was disappointing to be brought up (by le saux) specifically regarding Townsend. townsend's 'crime' was when le saux was reading the Guardian Townsend would grab the paper and mock it for its interest levels and lack of football. Obviously it would be more base than that but who among us who have played football 9not making this just about football but in all workplaces) have played/worked with colleagues who are just fuckwits? We all have. Townsend may have learned from his mistakes and may look at them with a little bit of shame, but the incident Le saux specifically referred to (and he mentioned Townsend by name and linked him to this one incident) should have been ;eft inhouse and between them.
I think Townsend should just not have been a prick.
F*!%ing hell, never been an apprentice I presume? we had to put up with a lot more than that, especially from the woman in the press shop. Many an unsuspecting apprentice was ambushed and had his balls blued.
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For years before Randy arrived the state of The Holte Hotel was often commented on.
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No idea what role Townsend is being proposed for. Bit of a proper football man like Timmy if his media profile is anything to go by.
On the pitch though, great leader and captain. Compare and contrast our midfield of Townsend and Taylor to the gutless wimps in there currently. We didn't lose too many midfield battles with those two in there.
Jack Charlton was a huge fan of Townsend, a fine captain of his adopted country. Hastened Liam Brady's retirement and kept Ronnie Whelan out of the side. Part of a fine midfield partnership with a young Roy Keane and the underrated John Sheridan in USA94.
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Yeah Andy Townsend would be a good call. He was a good captain and has many contacts within the game.
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Great stuff, smashing, terrific Clive. Six of a dozen and one of the other, it's never easy sometimes.
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I've always liked Townsend. Loved him as a player, and am in the minority that don't mind him as a pundit / radio presenter either.
I never got the stick he got as co-commentator either, there are far worse on TV.
Would be an interesting choice for DOF or whatever the role would be.
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Liked Townsend as a player, particularly in the Little era.
He spaffs a load of absolute cock as a pundit though.
http://www.wsc.co.uk/the-archive/42-Media/1263-england-for-the-english
I'm not sure how being holed up on the tactics truck or being part of a shit double act with Clive Tyldesley could prepare him for a DOF role either.
Ian Taylor on the other hand has worked as an agent since leaving the game, and has had other successful business ventures on the go. If we were on a nostalgia tip, I'd sooner look at him.
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I always liked Andy Townsend.
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Indifferent. Loved him as a player. Impossible to judge on any potential role at the club.
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Tempting though it is to wish it to be true just to prove Pat Murphy wrong, I suspect not. At least the Board are talking with, potentially taking advice from people actually involved in football though - I take that as a positive sign.
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While I have no objection to Andy Townsend I would prefer us to install a new manager first. The manager should have a say in appointments like this - if indeed such a role is even necessary....
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While I have no objection to Andy Townsend I would prefer us to install a new manager first. The manager should have a say in appointments like this - if indeed such a role is even necessary....
There is no need for the manager to be involved in this appointment. Head of Football Operations is not the same as a DoF. This role is to knit together the various levels of football in the club. It supports the 1st team by bringing through players that match the requirements of the 1st team. At the lower level it manages the scouting for young players and oversees the management of the junior teams. To these functions you could add medical, training ground etc. It should be a wide ranging role involving management and administration. Interface with the 1st team manager will be a minor part of the job.
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We've not had too many midfielders as good as him since he left. Excellent player and an excellent skipper. Contributed toward two trophies and a 4th and 5th place finish.
Director of football? No.
A role at the club? Absolutely. Quite what that role would be I don't know, but he's not qualified to be a director of football. And didn't Hollis or Bernstein a few weeks back say we didn't want to go the D.O.F route?
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I have my doubts over the director of Football role in this country at least. But I do think Townsend has a lot of the right qualities to serve a purpose at the club. I guess as more of a sounding board and less hands on director of Football would work better. I think he's sensible enough to not try and do the manager's job for him anyway. Being very well spoken will also be a big plus for him.
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Has Andy still got his Tactics Truck?
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Has Andy still got his Tactics Truck?
No we sacked him in November.
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The latest of F365's Football People On TV:
Fashion police
These days, he’s a man who strictly adheres to the standard father-of-the bride at the reception attire. Open neck, plain dress shirts and the sort of dark suits which don’t trouble the fashion scorers but look smart, nonetheless. Photos exist of him wearing a black satin shirt, which looks like it’s been tailored from the bed sheets of a 1980s lothario.
Seems likely to own a beige crombie with a black collar, a collection of expensive plain black leather shoes and a North Face anorak.
Has dabbled with beards but they never really took. Lush, thick hair seems destined never to go bald and although now as grey as a dappled horse, he still has the same haircut he had 25 years ago. Respect for that. As I said last week, getting a look and sticking to it until you’re lowered into the ground is a choice you’ll never regret making and is one which makes life much more simple.
With a perma-tan, substantial features and a face that looks carved out of wood, he has a pleasingly solid look about him, which suggests he’d be hard to knock over, even with a very large stick. Rugged and very male in a late 70s, John Travolta sort of way, he seems to be the very manifestation of the term ‘a man’s man’, as you’d have to be playing alongside Gazza in Middlesbrough.
Lingo bingo
Andy remains one of our most notable and easily recognisable voices, though his basic south-east London tones are hardly knees-up-mother-brown-cor-blimey-guvnor. Perhaps his greatest contribution to football culture is, what I like to call, the Andy comma. That is, the comma that is placed after any statement, but before the name of the commentator or presenter, specifically, “not for me, Clive”. This classic dominates his repertoire and has passed into folklore to such an extent that many of us use it, in one variation or another, during our everyday lives, to express mild scepticism or doubt. “A goats cheese omelette? Not for me, Clive.” “Egg and chips? That’s better.”
Three more of his regular riffs are are the simple “that’s better”, the “he’s almost hit that too well” and “in and around”. Another odd quirk is his deployment of the plural “goals” e.g. “he’s had a shot on (the) goals”. Does he answer his own rhetorical questions? You bet he does. Does that pluralising players names thing that seems unique to football media. No-one uses it in real life. We don’t say we’re going shopping to your Waitroses, your TK Maxxes and your John Lewises, do we?
But all these things rolled together makes Andy what he is – some sort of living co-comm legend. For years on ITV, he ruffled our feathers and made us shout at the TV, but once he was gone, oh how we missed him, Clive. G’won, Andy.
Hits and misses
All of Andy’s misses are somehow also his greatest hits. You can see his linguistic ticks as both good and bad. Many have been infuriated by them over the years, but they are what makes him so distinctive and it’s hard to be distinctive in such a crowded market. And once we were deprived of them, many of us really missed them. Now 52 and retired as a player in 2000, he’s had 16 years in the media – that’s a long gig in this business and suggests he must be able to deliver the goods consistently and be a good tourist. Worth remembering he took over as ITV’s main co-comm after Big Ron did his Big Wrong. Oddly, he replaced Jon Gaunt on talkSport after the presenter called someone a Nazi, as you do, so it seems as if Andy is the go-to man to clean up the odoriferous, steaming droppings left by other less continent rubes.
And then, of course, there was the Tactics Truck, in which Andy would sit and peer out of the darkness at us, illuminated only by a flickering screen, as though trapped in some weird limbo: half-alive, half-dead. You had the feeling that said truck was sitting on bricks on an abandoned industrial estate somewhere in Goole and that it was possibly a human rights abuse to have to sit there, the whiff of ammonia and desperation ever present.
Oddly enough, though we all laughed at it at the time, having someone in such surroundings is not so unusual now. Pat Nevin can often be found in one, maybe it’s the same one Andy lived in, littered with used tissues, crisp packets, Durex, empty bottles of cheap red wine and a dead rat.
In recent months, he’s started to build another big hit, appearing on 5live, especially on the Monday Night Club. If you’ve not heard him since the “not for me, Clive” days, you might be in for a surprise. He’s very, very good on the radio. I mean, makes you glad he’s there, good. Quick and never short of words or a well-expressed opinion, he’s an affable and engaging listen who has a really nice way of being matey, which works very well in this close medium. Also, he comes over as really bloody loving football and that talking about it for a living is always a pleasure. It’s hard to fake that on the radio, because it’s such an intimate gig, so I’m sure it’s for real. I’m sure he also does overseas telly, and he’s done a few BT Sport appearances too (a couple I saw were excruciating – like he was there out of charity). But it is on the radio that he really is a class act. Can’t wait to hear him again.
Big club bias
It’s not so much BCB with Andy, but more that he’s always been on the side of the British club or international side, which meant that any time anyone from the favoured side did anything basically competent, he’d praise it as though it was an act of genius. This was often very silly and led to players being vaunted far higher than their talent could ever justify, with consequent embarrassment when they showed themselves to be less than perfect. Given his quality, you’d expect better, Clive.
Loved or loathed
A couple of years ago he was voted in the Independent as worst co-comm, even ahead of Michael Owen. Harsh. Perhaps more than anyone else we’ve looked at, he has traversed the full rainbow of opprobrium to approval. It’s a genuinely odd phenomena. For me, Clive, Mark Lawrenson has gone through a similar journey. All the things that used to annoy us have now become ‘classic’ and, as such, above passing fads and fashions and as indivisible from football media as any colour from the rainbow. I’ve always thought that just turning up is one of life’s greatest achievements and Andy is just always there. Someone who met him has since told me that he was a really nice fella and entirely without side. That doesn’t seem at all surprising.
My social media research suggests a lot of affection for him on the radio. Time and again people commented about how much they enjoy him these days. That may be because he’s better at radio than TV, or it may be that we just like him more these days, especially when asked for thought and opinion that doesn’t rely on commenting on something in real time.
So many people love all the Clive-ing and his other mannerisms and definitely feel like their football world as had an extra colour in it. I sense massive positivity towards his gig.
It’s as though someone gets so entrenched and so familiar that after a while they’re the comfy sofa in the room of your football life, their familiarity a comfort in a fast changing world, forever in and around and hitting it too well. Or, as Andy himself would certainly say, “better”.
Proper Football Man
One of the High Priests within the PFM hierarchy, regularly emerging from the exclusive PFM bathroom/abandoned Tactics Truck, zipping up, with toilet paper stuck to his heel, having written something rude on the contraceptive machine. Let’s consider the evidence. Plenty of jokes about drinking and bantersaurusing with Gazza, Merse, Big Jack and Roy. Yes, son. Classic PFM work. Started in non-league, played international football for Ireland, despite not obviously being Irish. Class. Box-to-box, tough-tackling midfielder who had to do it on a wet Tuesday night in Middlesbrough and Norwich. Hmmmm, nice. All the PFMs nod in appreciation at that. Showed no interest at all in managing but knows he could definitely “do a job there” if required, no matter where “there” is. That’s all proper, top-drawer PFMing.
Was once stopped by the police while with Gazza, shooting wild animals with an air rifle. Reidy, Reidy, we’ve got to make that compulsory. That’s brilliant, isn’t it, Deano? Deano? He’s passed out again, quick Dion, stop presenting property porn to daytime TV losers, you know you don’t care about how much they sold that flat in Nowheresville for, and pass me that tyre inflator.
Can spin a yarn with the best of them, whilst leaning forward, squeezing and shaking a fellow ex-pro’s leg. Loves all of that. Recently suggested on the Monday Night Club that he’d get Aston Villa players motivated by shouting at them and was then promptly offered the Director of Football gig at Villa Park. Mmm, that’s wonderful PFMing by everyone there because, at the end of the day, Clive, everyone knows shouting is what works best, especially with foreigns. Talking of which, has form for saying they “go down too easily” which they do and everyone knows that, but you can’t say anything these days, no offence, but you’re not wearing a bra, are you darlin’? Lovely little thing. Two more sambucas here, luv. Look at the Tag Heur, £24,500. Beautiful, huh? Eh? What do you mean, “time is an existential concept that you can’t put a price on, pet”?
Worked on the never poncy or highbrow ITV. Good good. Definitely passes the anti-metrosexual, not-like-Olivier-Giroud test and would most certainly be up, not just for a night out with the boys, but a long weekend in La Manga playing golf, burying someone in a sand dune, injecting vodka into his eyes and then stealing his clothes. May even be on Reidy’s team of speciality brew-masters, in charge of fermenting new levels of intoxication. Perhaps the new nail polish, nasal douche and nitroglycerin lager is one of his. Deliciously explosive, menthol and very finger-staining, hey, don’t worry about that, la. Has definitely drunk Brut33 and Blue Stratos for a bet.
Loves a night out. One of those lads whose nightclub dance moves were formed in 1978 watching Saturday Night Fever. May have owned a white three-piece at some point. Easy to imagine him on the dance floor of notorious Cork nightclub The Shamrock Fanny, cutting a few shapes to Bee Gees and Dan Hartman records, strong thighs pumping as he does little squats and kicks, whilst pointing with his index fingers and doing hand rolls, eventually emerging at 4.27am with Miss Swollen Tuber Body of 1979 for a session of high jinks with the boys, involving flooding someone’s house, setting fire to the curtains of an expensive hotel, inserting mice into underpants and finally, putting an unconscious Deano in a shopping trolley and tying it to the back of the Flying Scotman.
Has definitely been presented with the PFM carriage clock, matching tie and hanky set, probably at a charity gala dinner, held in a golf club, whilst wearing grey slacks with dark pish stain down one leg. No greater honour is there for any PFM.
Beyond the lighted stage
Is patron of an asthma society and raised money by doing the Great North Run. Apart from shooting at animals with an air gun, the rest of the Townsend cultural hinterland is undocumented but surely involves watching Bruce Willis movies and, in quiet moments, re-watching Saturday Night Fever and wondering what might have been. Wonderful.
John Nicholson