Heroes & Villains, the Aston Villa fanzine
Heroes & Villains => Heroes Discussion => Topic started by: dave.woodhall on October 06, 2013, 03:47:18 PM
-
http://www.birminghammail.co.uk/news/local-news/blues-stars-mitch-hancox-nick-6142569
-
How bizarre!
-
If they could get all 12,000 of them behind the campaign, there really would be no stopping them.
-
Even the non-league coverage can't convince me to part with cash for that rag.
I'd rather they backed Small Heath than us anyway, they are comfortable bedfellows.
-
Page 3 of today's Sunday Mercury has a feature on a council employee who is a burlesque compere in this spare time. I don't know if the article mentions that he is also a season-ticket holder at VP. Those who read my many and varied ramblings on Facebook will recognise the name of Tony 'T-Rox' Cowdrill.
-
I wouldn't wipe my arse with that piece of shit rag. Still, I bet it increased their sales in Solihull.
-
This is a ridiculous campaign. I get the 'promote Birmingham' angle, but why alienate supporters of the best team the city's ever going to have?
-
This is a ridiculous campaign. I get the 'promote Birmingham' angle, but why alienate supporters of the best team the city's ever going to have?
Maybe they were trying to promote the smallest minority group in Birmingham?
-
This is a ridiculous campaign. I get the 'promote Birmingham' angle, but why alienate supporters of the best team the city's ever going to have?
Because that lot will support it like lemmings while we, as ever, take no notice.
-
If we took no notice we wouldn't have a thread about it would we? Or am I over thinking things?
-
I like the fact that the campaign is hitting back at the notion that Birmingham is second rate, yet they choose the Noses as evidence to the contrary.
-
I have genuinely never heard of either of them. Though apart from Zigic, I couldn't name a single member of their squad without looking it up.
As for the campaign, the rest of the country will really sit up and notice with two unknown third-rate plodders, a comedian who was last funny in the eighties and a washed-up prick from ELO on board. Well done the Mail and Mercury, no honestly, well done. It's no wonder we're a laughing stock.
-
Meh. Two things that will happen with that campaign. Ridicule, followed by a quick death.
-
"...Brummies really are brilliant". Couldn't help reading that bit in Father Ted voice
-
Brummies are bostin'.
-
so only 12000 brummies live in bham then I hate the rag cockney run shit
-
Bluenoses are brainless.
-
Bluenoses are... anonymous by their absence.
-
Ahaa well they can both live together happy ever after.
-
'Thick Brummies are Bluenoses' would have been a more fitting campaign headline.
-
Well if two footballers who I've never heard of and are probably shit say it, then it must be true.
-
Brummies are bostin'.
-
If the idea is to promote the city, then all they need to do is put "only a few..." in front.
A disclaimer, if you like.
-
They can fcuk themselves - the rag of a newspaper and those two never-will-be's.
-
This could catch on in other places.
All Barcelonans are Espanyol fans.
All Glaswegians are Queens Park fans.
All Merseysiders are Tranmere fans.
All Hamburgers are St Pauli fans.
-
Brummies are paranoid.
-
Ahh bless, I'd really think both are pathetic if it really warranted any thought whatsoever. 4 million targetbase and they struggle to get 13k through the gate.
-
As a born and bread Brummie I'd suggest that the title of that campaign is actually quite offensive. Or at least I would if I hadn't given up caring what this gash publication passes off as news.
-
I think the campaign is spot on. And, as a born and bred Brummie, unlike the rest of you wankers from the Shires, I now follow the only true team from Birmingham.
SOTV.
up the Blues.
KRO.
Why does it feel like only a few people are listening?
Sod it. Back to the Shires then.
-
The Sunday Mercury is a beacon of small-timeness.
-
The Sunday Mercury is a beacon of small-timeness.
So is the Mail and its fawning over anyone vaguely famous and even more vaguely connected with the city.
-
Compare their campaign for local pride in that article with this one:
http://www.birminghammail.co.uk/news/local-news/west-midlands-tram-vision-hits-6142780
"A public transport dream for the West Midlands has turned into a feeble fantasy, the Sunday Mercury can reveal today."
Basically, plans suggested 30 years ago haven't come to fruition, the Mercury "can reveal today". Then there's some scathing nonsense about the extension of the tram line to New St.
-
Compare their campaign for local pride in that article with this one:
http://www.birminghammail.co.uk/news/local-news/west-midlands-tram-vision-hits-6142780
"A public transport dream for the West Midlands has turned into a feeble fantasy, the Sunday Mercury can reveal today."
Basically, plans suggested 30 years ago haven't come to fruition, the Mercury "can reveal today". Then there's some scathing nonsense about the extension of the tram line to New St.
Whenever the Mercury "can reveal" something, you know it'll be a slagging for the sake of it.
-
'Blues stars'
Newspapers will write any old shit these days.
-
'Blues stars'
Newspapers will write any old shit these days.
*applause*
I've genuinely never heard of any of them.
-
I was trying to upload a picture of Blues empty stand yesterday without success. I honestly thought they had been punished by the FA again when I saw it.
-
I thought the blue objects that seedy looking pair were holding up were their underpants and the whole thing was a joke. Then I realized it was for real and I went back to trying to work out at what point Karren Brady at the Tory Conference would put it to our beloved Villa fan Mr Cameron that West Ham really should be allowed more freedom to do as they please with the Olympic Stadium. An exclusive for The Sunday Pluto naturally.
-
Can we start a counter-campaign, whereby we demand that the club change its name back to the original Small Heath Alliance, arguing that the good city of Birmingham's reputation is immeasurably tainted by association with that embarrassing hunk of crap?
Brummies are aSHAmed.
-
Compare their campaign for local pride in that article with this one:
http://www.birminghammail.co.uk/news/local-news/west-midlands-tram-vision-hits-6142780
"A public transport dream for the West Midlands has turned into a feeble fantasy, the Sunday Mercury can reveal today."
Basically, plans suggested 30 years ago haven't come to fruition, the Mercury "can reveal today". Then there's some scathing nonsense about the extension of the tram line to New St.
I have recommended you paulie.
-
If someone with the gravitas of blues third choice goalie says brummies are bluenoses, who are we to argue?
-
The funniest and most observant articles I,ve read about Brum , ever , IMHO ............Godzvilla!
The Weekly Times Comment Column by Jeremy Clarkson .
Work on the accent, Brum, and Tom Cruise will be in for a balti
Published: 24 February 2013
If I may be permitted to liken Britain to the human body, then Scotland is the brain, East Anglia is the stomach, North and East Yorkshire are the breasts and London is the heart that pumps vital nutrients and oxygen to the fingernails and the ears and Preston. Which leaves us with the garden shed we built years ago when we decided to take up metalworking: that’s Birmingham.
In recent years it’s been tidied up. Earnest locals have fitted funky new lighting and a bar. They’ve polished the lathe, too, and turned the vice into an amusing beer pump.
But still nobody’s interested. We don’t do metalwork any more. So, neat though it now may be, the shed remains rather unloved.
Early last week there were many big news stories to titillate the nation. A meteorite had crashed into Russia, a film had been made about Tom Cruise visiting a curry house last August in St Albans and people were very interested in the dramatic downfall of Oscar Pistorius. But even so, the eighth-most-read story on the BBC website was: “Why does everyone hate Birmingham?”
Twenty years ago it was very probably the worst place on earth. If you fancied eating something that wasn’t a curry, you’d set off on a long and fruitless walk that would culminate in you being vomited on. And then stabbed, for daring to get in the way of someone’s sick.
There was only one hotel where you had even half a chance of not catching lice and only one nightclub where you wouldn’t necessarily be glassed. Not that you could find either because a few years earlier someone had decided the city should have a series of underpasses. Unfortunately they’d got a bit carried away, so that visitors would turn off the M6, disappear immediately into a hole and not emerge until they were past Kidderminster. Birmingham, then, was difficult to find and horrible if, by some miracle, you succeeded.
The reasons for going? Well, Brummies were keen to point out they had more canals than Venice. By which I think they meant, more shopping trolleys in their canals than Venice. And, er, that’s it. Birmingham was just an industrial city that had no industry any more.
Today, though, everything’s changed. There are bars and nightclubs and Selfridges. And all the old industrial buildings have been turned into loft apartments for thrusting young executives. So why do we still have a problem with it? I realise, of course, that it takes a while for people to realise there’s been a change. We still, for instance, think of Stella Artois as reassuringly expensive rather than a drink that causes you to beat up your wife.
But continuing to think of Birmingham as a wart is as daft as continuing to imagine that York is full of oxen. You simply can’t not like the city any more. And it’s hard to dislike the people either. Chiefly because they are usually more British than we’ll ever be.
Show a Brummie a spectacular house and after he’s arranged his face to register a complete and absolute lack of interest, he will say, “I wouldn’t want to hoover a sitting room that big.” Show him an amazing garden and he will say, “I bet that takes a lot of digging.” Put his wife in a pretty frock and he will wonder what happens when she spills her balti on it. In short, a Birmingham person is born with an inability to say, “That is amazing.”
The British have a global reputation for keeping their emotions hidden. But Brummies have taken this to a level that would flabbergast even the Duke of Marlborough. Their emotions are not just hidden. They are locked in a safe and buried under 20 tons of concrete, in a well, at the bottom of the garden.
You know Michaela Strachan? The bubbly, enthusiastic former children’s TV presenter? She’s not from Birmingham. We know this because she released a video called Wild About Baby Animals. If she’d been a Brummie, it would have been called Not Bothered Either Away About Baby Animals.
Of course, this refusal to find anything wondrous can be rather irritating. Especially when you are with a Brummie at the Grand Canyon and he’s facing the other way, checking his text messages. I’m not saying who that was. Only that his name begins with R and ends with ichard Hammond.
However, when you see a party of Americans whooping and high-fiving one another about something as trivial as a tropical sunset, you crave the company of a Brummie, who’ll wilfully face east and tell you he’d rather be in Moseley.
I’d be happy in the trenches with a Brummie too. Because the upside of his downbeat nature is that he doesn’t find things spectacularly bad either. You get the impression a Brummie would be capable of sitting there watching a rat eat his gangrenous foot without moaning anywhere near as much as, say, me.
So. We go back to the original question. Why, if the city’s improved and the people are stoic, does the rest of the country have such a problem with the place? Well, there’s no easy way of saying this. But, um, it’s the accent.
In the complex world of advertising, a Yorkshire twang is perceived to be honest. Which is why Sean Bean is used to promote every single thing. It’s the same story with the Scotch. Gavin & Stacey has made the Welsh accent funny and likeable, and now that Cilla Black has taken her mocking tones into retirement, posh is OK as well.
A Birmingham accent, however, makes you sound thick. If Einstein had been from King’s Heath, no one would have taken the theory of relativity seriously. If Churchill had been a Brummie, we’d have lost the war. And if you don’t believe me, just get someone from Castle Bromwich to read out the “We shall fight on the beaches” speech.
That’s why people hate Birmingham. It’s because they think everyone who lives there is a bit daft. Happily, though, I have a solution. If the council really wants its city to thrive after the second phase of HS2 has turned it into an oxbow lake, it needs to stop giving the locals more bars. And send them for elocution lessons instead.
-
May I register the view that I too was not impressed by the Grand Canyon. Or the stupid Skywalk thing.
-
Brummies are paranoid.
I like it.
-
I'd like to see Jeremy Clarkson dragged through the streets of Birmingham by a beige Austin Allegro, the type with the square steering wheel (preferably one built on a Friday), then waterboarded with gallons of HP Sauce and scolded with cups of freshly boiled Typhoo tea before having Acme whistles blasted in his ears and his Hush Puppies filled with Bird's Custard, prior to being chased around St Martin's by a live bull. A fucking big randy one. The arsehole.
-
If 'e comes up arr end 'e'll get 'is 'ead kicked in.
Twonk!
-
On thread, when I was paper lad and delivered it, I used to think the Sunday Merc was great. Really good reports of Villa matches - I always thought they loved us a bit.
-
I still buy it - in the Summer for local cricket coverage and in football season purely for local football / local sports coverage Mid Comb etc etc. Don't bother reading Villa match reports....
-
I still buy it - in the Summer for local cricket coverage and in football season purely for local football / local sports coverage Mid Comb etc etc. Don't bother reading Villa match reports....
Read this.
http://www.thefreelibrary.com/ACHTUNG+VILLA!%3B+EXCLUSIVE%3A+The+picture+they+said+never+existed.-a073305576
Still want to buy it?
-
No.
-
The funniest and most observant articles I,ve read about Brum , ever , IMHO ............Godzvilla!
The Weekly Times Comment Column by Jeremy Clarkson .
Work on the accent, Brum, and Tom Cruise will be in for a balti
Published: 24 February 2013
If I may be permitted to liken Britain to the human body, then Scotland is the brain, East Anglia is the stomach, North and East Yorkshire are the breasts and London is the heart that pumps vital nutrients and oxygen to the fingernails and the ears and Preston. Which leaves us with the garden shed we built years ago when we decided to take up metalworking: that’s Birmingham.
In recent years it’s been tidied up. Earnest locals have fitted funky new lighting and a bar. They’ve polished the lathe, too, and turned the vice into an amusing beer pump.
But still nobody’s interested. We don’t do metalwork any more. So, neat though it now may be, the shed remains rather unloved.
Early last week there were many big news stories to titillate the nation. A meteorite had crashed into Russia, a film had been made about Tom Cruise visiting a curry house last August in St Albans and people were very interested in the dramatic downfall of Oscar Pistorius. But even so, the eighth-most-read story on the BBC website was: “Why does everyone hate Birmingham?”
Twenty years ago it was very probably the worst place on earth. If you fancied eating something that wasn’t a curry, you’d set off on a long and fruitless walk that would culminate in you being vomited on. And then stabbed, for daring to get in the way of someone’s sick.
There was only one hotel where you had even half a chance of not catching lice and only one nightclub where you wouldn’t necessarily be glassed. Not that you could find either because a few years earlier someone had decided the city should have a series of underpasses. Unfortunately they’d got a bit carried away, so that visitors would turn off the M6, disappear immediately into a hole and not emerge until they were past Kidderminster. Birmingham, then, was difficult to find and horrible if, by some miracle, you succeeded.
The reasons for going? Well, Brummies were keen to point out they had more canals than Venice. By which I think they meant, more shopping trolleys in their canals than Venice. And, er, that’s it. Birmingham was just an industrial city that had no industry any more.
Today, though, everything’s changed. There are bars and nightclubs and Selfridges. And all the old industrial buildings have been turned into loft apartments for thrusting young executives. So why do we still have a problem with it? I realise, of course, that it takes a while for people to realise there’s been a change. We still, for instance, think of Stella Artois as reassuringly expensive rather than a drink that causes you to beat up your wife.
But continuing to think of Birmingham as a wart is as daft as continuing to imagine that York is full of oxen. You simply can’t not like the city any more. And it’s hard to dislike the people either. Chiefly because they are usually more British than we’ll ever be.
Show a Brummie a spectacular house and after he’s arranged his face to register a complete and absolute lack of interest, he will say, “I wouldn’t want to hoover a sitting room that big.” Show him an amazing garden and he will say, “I bet that takes a lot of digging.” Put his wife in a pretty frock and he will wonder what happens when she spills her balti on it. In short, a Birmingham person is born with an inability to say, “That is amazing.”
The British have a global reputation for keeping their emotions hidden. But Brummies have taken this to a level that would flabbergast even the Duke of Marlborough. Their emotions are not just hidden. They are locked in a safe and buried under 20 tons of concrete, in a well, at the bottom of the garden.
You know Michaela Strachan? The bubbly, enthusiastic former children’s TV presenter? She’s not from Birmingham. We know this because she released a video called Wild About Baby Animals. If she’d been a Brummie, it would have been called Not Bothered Either Away About Baby Animals.
Of course, this refusal to find anything wondrous can be rather irritating. Especially when you are with a Brummie at the Grand Canyon and he’s facing the other way, checking his text messages. I’m not saying who that was. Only that his name begins with R and ends with ichard Hammond.
However, when you see a party of Americans whooping and high-fiving one another about something as trivial as a tropical sunset, you crave the company of a Brummie, who’ll wilfully face east and tell you he’d rather be in Moseley.
I’d be happy in the trenches with a Brummie too. Because the upside of his downbeat nature is that he doesn’t find things spectacularly bad either. You get the impression a Brummie would be capable of sitting there watching a rat eat his gangrenous foot without moaning anywhere near as much as, say, me.
So. We go back to the original question. Why, if the city’s improved and the people are stoic, does the rest of the country have such a problem with the place? Well, there’s no easy way of saying this. But, um, it’s the accent.
In the complex world of advertising, a Yorkshire twang is perceived to be honest. Which is why Sean Bean is used to promote every single thing. It’s the same story with the Scotch. Gavin & Stacey has made the Welsh accent funny and likeable, and now that Cilla Black has taken her mocking tones into retirement, posh is OK as well.
A Birmingham accent, however, makes you sound thick. If Einstein had been from King’s Heath, no one would have taken the theory of relativity seriously. If Churchill had been a Brummie, we’d have lost the war. And if you don’t believe me, just get someone from Castle Bromwich to read out the “We shall fight on the beaches” speech.
That’s why people hate Birmingham. It’s because they think everyone who lives there is a bit daft. Happily, though, I have a solution. If the council really wants its city to thrive after the second phase of HS2 has turned it into an oxbow lake, it needs to stop giving the locals more bars. And send them for elocution lessons instead.
the most pretentious and patronizing shite I have read in a long time , 3 mins I will never get back .
The ability to take the piss and people think they are making a mug of you is a true working class Brummie trait .
Irony based upon self depreciation . funny as
-
Jeremy Clarkson being a colossal fuckwit? Never!
He's a professional troll, don't let him wind you up.
-
I think Clarkson ius right. When out of Birmingham - which I have been mostly for 15 odd years now - as soon as someone knows you're from Birmingham they have to do a pee take on the accent. Okay, its usually a Black country noise that they come out with but our accent does sound thick. However we may not want it to, however much it doesn't sound as backward as a Black Country accent, as much as we'll defend Birmningham, we can't defend how we sound. And Clarkson's right it does have an impact on how people perceive us.
I have come across the odd person who says they like the Birmingham accent and when they say that to me I immediately think they are either taking the proverbial, or that they are clearly stupid. I think its a good piece by Clarkson. My wife is too amazed by my inability to not find even the most wonderous sites truly magnificent in our worldly travels in the same way she's amazed I won't get flustered by any ensuing panic or calamitous setback.
Being a Brummie is ace. Our accent? Not so.
-
I agree Peter, I think its a good piece and pretty humerous. Birmingham since the early 1990's has really come on as a city and it is a fantastic place with more to offer than anywhere in the country outside of the capital.
But if there is one thing people do around me in the office when discussing anything Birmingham related is but on a poor Black Country accent.
-
I think Clarkson ius right. When out of Birmingham - which I have been mostly for 15 odd years now - as soon as someone knows you're from Birmingham they have to do a pee take on the accent. Okay, its usually a Black country noise that they come out with but our accent does sound thick. However we may not want it to, however much it doesn't sound as backward as a Black Country accent, as much as we'll defend Birmningham, we can't defend how we sound. And Clarkson's right it does have an impact on how people perceive us.
I have come across the odd person who says they like the Birmingham accent and when they say that to me I immediately think they are either taking the proverbial, or that they are clearly stupid. I think its a good piece by Clarkson. My wife is too amazed by my inability to not find even the most wonderous sites truly magnificent in our worldly travels in the same way she's amazed I won't get flustered by any ensuing panic or calamitous setback.
Being a Brummie is ace. Our accent? Not so.
With the greatest of respect Peter, that's a load of bollocks.
We sound 'thick' thanks to the way Brummies and Brummie characters have been portrayed in the media for decades. It's seeped into the conscience.
Think Brummies, think Benny from Crossroads and Barry from Auf Weidersain Pet.
That's why, for all his faults, I like to hear Stan hosting a national radio show with an unabashed accent. We need more of it.
-
Let people think we're thick. The joke is on them.
-
Let people think we're thick. The joke is on them.
Yeah, until you're applying for jobs.
-
Let people think we're thick. The joke is on them.
Yeah, until you're applying for jobs.
I cannot imagine that a company that would ignore your qualifications, experience and personality because you pronounce "loike" instead of "like" is really one worth working for.
I loike where I work and they’re all scally Mancs and Dippers.
-
Let people think we're thick. The joke is on them.
Yeah, until you're applying for jobs.
I cannot imagine that a company that would ignore your qualifications, experience and personality because you pronounce "loike" instead of "like" is really one worth working for.
I loike where I work and they’re all scally Mancs and Dippers.
Maybe not if you're a professional like yourself mate, but believe me mate, I've worked with enough bigoted twats to know that something like that would be enough.
-
Maybe I am too naïve then. Bigotry never ceases to baffle me.
-
I never liked The Sunday Mercury as a kid. The bloke across the road always used to drop it over to my mum and dad when he had finished with it. He was a heavy smoker and the paper always smelt like he had used it for an ashtray.
-
So did we defy hitler or not? Or am i missing the point?
-
So did we defy hitler or not? Or am i missing the point?
The Sunday Mercury claimed Villa 'tried to hide the truth' (which never happened), and focussed more on our club giving the salute, despite being compelled to by the home office. As a local paper, it could have made more mention that the Villa players, in the first game, refused to give the salute, gave the v sign instead, then beat a German-Austrian combined team 3-2 on their own patch in front of 110,000 braying Nazis.
It was a total hatchet job on a local club, that they ever printed it is utterly baffling. I've never bought one since, and even my dad has packed it in.
-
I think Clarkson ius right. When out of Birmingham - which I have been mostly for 15 odd years now - as soon as someone knows you're from Birmingham they have to do a pee take on the accent. Okay, its usually a Black country noise that they come out with but our accent does sound thick. However we may not want it to, however much it doesn't sound as backward as a Black Country accent, as much as we'll defend Birmningham, we can't defend how we sound. And Clarkson's right it does have an impact on how people perceive us.
I have come across the odd person who says they like the Birmingham accent and when they say that to me I immediately think they are either taking the proverbial, or that they are clearly stupid. I think its a good piece by Clarkson. My wife is too amazed by my inability to not find even the most wonderous sites truly magnificent in our worldly travels in the same way she's amazed I won't get flustered by any ensuing panic or calamitous setback.
Being a Brummie is ace. Our accent? Not so.
With the greatest of respect Peter, that's a load of bollocks.
We sound 'thick' thanks to the way Brummies and Brummie characters have been portrayed in the media for decades. It's seeped into the conscience.
Think Brummies, think Benny from Crossroads and Barry from Auf Weidersain Pet.
That's why, for all his faults, I like to hear Stan hosting a national radio show with an unabashed accent. We need more of it.
I think you're right. The Brummie stereotype has been around for a long, long time. What intrigues me is where this notion of the thick Brummie came from and why it was even created in the first place.
The other day I read an article on Wikipedia (I know, I know!) about the meanings and origins of the terms "Brum" and "Brummagem" and I reckon, when you look into the history of these terms, you can build up a picture of how long - and why - the negative Brummie stereotype has existed:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brummagem
-
The Mercury could have run a proper story about the events of the day, using their photo and other available evidence to provide a proper historical context. Instead they put a sensationalist angle to it, using phrases such as "moment of shame" and making out that the club had hidden some terrible secret, lying for over sixty years. Not long after that they ran a front page about "VILLA STAR ASSAULTS WIFE," which referred to a former youth team player from years earlier.
-
Does that George Tyndale still have his crappy column?
-
The funniest and most observant articles I,ve read about Brum , ever , IMHO ............Godzvilla!
The Weekly Times Comment Column by Jeremy Clarkson .
Work on the accent, Brum, and Tom Cruise will be in for a balti
Published: 24 February 2013
If I may be permitted to liken Britain to the human body, then Scotland is the brain, East Anglia is the stomach, North and East Yorkshire are the breasts and London is the heart that pumps vital nutrients and oxygen to the fingernails and the ears and Preston. Which leaves us with the garden shed we built years ago when we decided to take up metalworking: that’s Birmingham.
In recent years it’s been tidied up. Earnest locals have fitted funky new lighting and a bar. They’ve polished the lathe, too, and turned the vice into an amusing beer pump.
But still nobody’s interested. We don’t do metalwork any more. So, neat though it now may be, the shed remains rather unloved.
Early last week there were many big news stories to titillate the nation. A meteorite had crashed into Russia, a film had been made about Tom Cruise visiting a curry house last August in St Albans and people were very interested in the dramatic downfall of Oscar Pistorius. But even so, the eighth-most-read story on the BBC website was: “Why does everyone hate Birmingham?”
Twenty years ago it was very probably the worst place on earth. If you fancied eating something that wasn’t a curry, you’d set off on a long and fruitless walk that would culminate in you being vomited on. And then stabbed, for daring to get in the way of someone’s sick.
There was only one hotel where you had even half a chance of not catching lice and only one nightclub where you wouldn’t necessarily be glassed. Not that you could find either because a few years earlier someone had decided the city should have a series of underpasses. Unfortunately they’d got a bit carried away, so that visitors would turn off the M6, disappear immediately into a hole and not emerge until they were past Kidderminster. Birmingham, then, was difficult to find and horrible if, by some miracle, you succeeded.
The reasons for going? Well, Brummies were keen to point out they had more canals than Venice. By which I think they meant, more shopping trolleys in their canals than Venice. And, er, that’s it. Birmingham was just an industrial city that had no industry any more.
Today, though, everything’s changed. There are bars and nightclubs and Selfridges. And all the old industrial buildings have been turned into loft apartments for thrusting young executives. So why do we still have a problem with it? I realise, of course, that it takes a while for people to realise there’s been a change. We still, for instance, think of Stella Artois as reassuringly expensive rather than a drink that causes you to beat up your wife.
But continuing to think of Birmingham as a wart is as daft as continuing to imagine that York is full of oxen. You simply can’t not like the city any more. And it’s hard to dislike the people either. Chiefly because they are usually more British than we’ll ever be.
Show a Brummie a spectacular house and after he’s arranged his face to register a complete and absolute lack of interest, he will say, “I wouldn’t want to hoover a sitting room that big.” Show him an amazing garden and he will say, “I bet that takes a lot of digging.” Put his wife in a pretty frock and he will wonder what happens when she spills her balti on it. In short, a Birmingham person is born with an inability to say, “That is amazing.”
The British have a global reputation for keeping their emotions hidden. But Brummies have taken this to a level that would flabbergast even the Duke of Marlborough. Their emotions are not just hidden. They are locked in a safe and buried under 20 tons of concrete, in a well, at the bottom of the garden.
You know Michaela Strachan? The bubbly, enthusiastic former children’s TV presenter? She’s not from Birmingham. We know this because she released a video called Wild About Baby Animals. If she’d been a Brummie, it would have been called Not Bothered Either Away About Baby Animals.
Of course, this refusal to find anything wondrous can be rather irritating. Especially when you are with a Brummie at the Grand Canyon and he’s facing the other way, checking his text messages. I’m not saying who that was. Only that his name begins with R and ends with ichard Hammond.
However, when you see a party of Americans whooping and high-fiving one another about something as trivial as a tropical sunset, you crave the company of a Brummie, who’ll wilfully face east and tell you he’d rather be in Moseley.
I’d be happy in the trenches with a Brummie too. Because the upside of his downbeat nature is that he doesn’t find things spectacularly bad either. You get the impression a Brummie would be capable of sitting there watching a rat eat his gangrenous foot without moaning anywhere near as much as, say, me.
So. We go back to the original question. Why, if the city’s improved and the people are stoic, does the rest of the country have such a problem with the place? Well, there’s no easy way of saying this. But, um, it’s the accent.
In the complex world of advertising, a Yorkshire twang is perceived to be honest. Which is why Sean Bean is used to promote every single thing. It’s the same story with the Scotch. Gavin & Stacey has made the Welsh accent funny and likeable, and now that Cilla Black has taken her mocking tones into retirement, posh is OK as well.
A Birmingham accent, however, makes you sound thick. If Einstein had been from King’s Heath, no one would have taken the theory of relativity seriously. If Churchill had been a Brummie, we’d have lost the war. And if you don’t believe me, just get someone from Castle Bromwich to read out the “We shall fight on the beaches” speech.
That’s why people hate Birmingham. It’s because they think everyone who lives there is a bit daft. Happily, though, I have a solution. If the council really wants its city to thrive after the second phase of HS2 has turned it into an oxbow lake, it needs to stop giving the locals more bars. And send them for elocution lessons instead.
the most pretentious and patronizing shite I have read in a long time , 3 mins I will never get back .
I stopped reading at about the 2nd paragraph so only lost a few seconds, thankfully.
-
The funniest and most observant articles I,ve read about Brum , ever , IMHO ............Godzvilla!
The Weekly Times Comment Column by Jeremy Clarkson .
Work on the accent, Brum, and Tom Cruise will be in for a balti
Published: 24 February 2013
If I may be permitted to liken Britain to the human body, then Scotland is the brain, East Anglia is the stomach, North and East Yorkshire are the breasts and London is the heart that pumps vital nutrients and oxygen to the fingernails and the ears and Preston. Which leaves us with the garden shed we built years ago when we decided to take up metalworking: that’s Birmingham.
In recent years ...... Blah Blah Blah, POWER!!!!!! Best Perm. In. The. World. Blah blah blah ....., it needs to stop giving the locals more bars. And send them for elocution lessons instead.
the most pretentious and patronizing shite I have read in a long time , 3 mins I will never get back .
I stopped reading at about the 2nd paragraph so only lost a few seconds, thankfully.
30 minutes wasted for me with my finger dragging across the screen and mouthing the words as I read it.
I am from Birmingham after all.
-
Let people think we're thick. The joke is on them.
Yeah, until you're applying for jobs.
Or until you are a defendant in court. I remember many years ago reading an article about research into how a defendant's accent can affect his chances of being found guilty.
They took transcripts from real court cases and had actors with different regional accents play the part of the accused. People then listened to the recordings and decided if the accused was guilty or not.
Apparently having a brummie accent made it far more likely that you would be thought guilty as compared to speaking exactly the same words with a standard or received pronunciation accent.
-
I think Clarkson ius right. When out of Birmingham - which I have been mostly for 15 odd years now - as soon as someone knows you're from Birmingham they have to do a pee take on the accent. Okay, its usually a Black country noise that they come out with but our accent does sound thick. However we may not want it to, however much it doesn't sound as backward as a Black Country accent, as much as we'll defend Birmningham, we can't defend how we sound. And Clarkson's right it does have an impact on how people perceive us.
I have come across the odd person who says they like the Birmingham accent and when they say that to me I immediately think they are either taking the proverbial, or that they are clearly stupid. I think its a good piece by Clarkson. My wife is too amazed by my inability to not find even the most wonderous sites truly magnificent in our worldly travels in the same way she's amazed I won't get flustered by any ensuing panic or calamitous setback.
Being a Brummie is ace. Our accent? Not so.
With the greatest of respect Peter, that's a load of bollocks.
We sound 'thick' thanks to the way Brummies and Brummie characters have been portrayed in the media for decades. It's seeped into the conscience.
Think Brummies, think Benny from Crossroads and Barry from Auf Weidersain Pet.
That's why, for all his faults, I like to hear Stan hosting a national radio show with an unabashed accent. We need more of it.
Stan's unabashed accent is one of the many Black Country variants.
I must admit I agree with Clarkson and you. The accent is atrocious and yes you are all thick :-)
-
I wonder if The Times would be happy to run a piece about how India would be taken seriously as a world superpower if only it dropped the accent and the wobbly head thing, because it makes them look stupid.* I doubt it. What Clarkson specialises in is identifying targets with minimum comeback for his bile and bigotry, see also 'Mexican refried sick' and countless unfunny comments about the French. He's a public school Bernard Manning who'll be considered an embarrassing anachronism in 20 years. Oh, and a twat.
*Not my views, before anyone starts.
-
Does that George Tyndale still have his crappy column?
Fuck knows but the legendary Roger Skidmore went years ago.
Among other stories that featured in this rag over the years, I particularly remember "Bosnich to Celtic" and fans wearing Tracey Andrews wigs on the Holte for a derby.
As for Clarkson, he is quite within his rights to make the assumption that I am thick because of my accent as I am to think that he is a monumental ****** for being friends with the PM.
-
Clarkson is an absolute ******.
I hope they build HS2 right through his fucking house, the horrible, nasty, sneering piece of shit.
-
I don't mind Clarkson. I personally think a lot of what he says is just tongue in cheek.
-
I don't mind Clarkson. I personally think a lot of what he says is just tongue in cheek.
People seem to take him very seriously.
I don't see why his piece has caused offence to be honest. I didn't think we Brummies were the precious sort. Whinning about the article all seems a little Mancunian to me.
-
I don't mind Clarkson. I personally think a lot of what he says is just tongue in cheek.
People seem to take him very seriously.
I don't see why his piece has caused offence to be honest. I didn't think we Brummies were the precious sort. Whinning about the article all seems a little Mancunian to me.
Oh and can you imagine if he'd written that about Liverpool? Anyway I can't see why everyone's moaning, apart from the accent thing he thinks the place is brilliant! Come on everyone Clarkson may be an oaf but he's got something good to say about Birmingham.
-
I don't mind Clarkson. I personally think a lot of what he says is just tongue in cheek.
People seem to take him very seriously.
I don't see why his piece has caused offence to be honest. I didn't think we Brummies were the precious sort. Whinning about the article all seems a little Mancunian to me.
Oh and can you imagine if he'd written that about Liverpool? Anyway I can't see why everyone's moaning, apart from the accent thing he thinks the place is brilliant! Come on everyone Clarkson may be an oaf but he's got something good to say about Birmingham.
He can fuck off back to Chipping Norton, I don't care for his opinion.
And there was nothing wrong with the place 20 years ago.
-
He's got more good to say about Brum than the Sunday fucking Mercury that is for sure. Which is the problem. Birmingham is a fine city, and it is better than anything outside of London, but the people who moan most about the place or who put up the weakest defence, are whinging Brummies.
-
He's got more good to say about Brum than the Sunday fucking Mercury that is for sure. Which is the problem. Birmingham is a fine city, and it is better than anything outside of London, but the people who moan most about the place or who put up the weakest defence, are whinging Brummies.
You're right there, but they're usually the mindless plebs that have been conditioned that way.
-
People seem to take him very seriously
That's because there's nothing even remotely amusing about him.
Nor his daft posh "mates" on Top Gear. Bunch of twats, the lot of em. It wouldn't be so bad if I could just ignore them but I'm forced to watch endless repeats of Top Gear on Dave by my 7 year old car-fanatic son.
-
People seem to take him very seriously
That's because there's nothing even remotely amusing about him.
Nor his daft posh "mates" on Top Gear. Bunch of twats, the lot of em. It wouldn't be so bad if I could just ignore them but I'm forced to watch endless repeats of Top Gear on Dave by my 7 year old car-fanatic son.
Go how I hate that word ´Posh ´ , I really think it says more about the user than anything else . When will we all get away from cranking up the old Class divides ( perceived ) in just about every topic that comes up ? . Its just a form of inverse snobbery and an almost tribal aversion to anyone with a privileged background , which after all , is no fault of theirs ... very boring ...........................Godzvilla!
-
People seem to take him very seriously
That's because there's nothing even remotely amusing about him.
Nor his daft posh "mates" on Top Gear. Bunch of twats, the lot of em. It wouldn't be so bad if I could just ignore them but I'm forced to watch endless repeats of Top Gear on Dave by my 7 year old car-fanatic son.
Go how I hate that word ´Posh ´ , I really think it says more about the user than anything else . When will we all get away from cranking up the old Class divides ( perceived ) in just about every topic that comes up ? . Its just a form of inverse snobbery and an almost tribal aversion to anyone with a privileged background , which after all , is no fault of theirs ... very boring ...........................Godzvilla!
Sorry to have bored you, Godzvilla, feel free to ignore any of my future posts.
Tell you what, I'll stop accusing public school educated privileged twats like Clarkson of being posh when he stops looking down his nose at me and writing about how thick my accent sounds.
-
I'm not into class divides, perceived or otherwise. But I do call posh people posh. What am I supposed to call them?
-
I'm not into class divides, perceived or otherwise. But I do call posh people posh. What am I supposed to call them?
Sir and ma'am, I think.
-
People seem to take him very seriously
That's because there's nothing even remotely amusing about him.
Nor his daft posh "mates" on Top Gear. Bunch of twats, the lot of em. It wouldn't be so bad if I could just ignore them but I'm forced to watch endless repeats of Top Gear on Dave by my 7 year old car-fanatic son.
It is pretty horrific just thinking that this fine city spawned that horrible, fawning tosspot Richard "He's Not A Real Hamster" Hammond.
-
I don't mind Clarkson. I personally think a lot of what he says is just tongue in cheek.
That's not really that great an excuse though is it?
Stewart Lee absolutely nailing the "it's only a joke" side to Clarkson:
-
I've been called posh once by a cleaner from South Yorks at a company function. She had a few on her and said "Yar rite posh you ar". I think she thought of everybody south of Derbyshire as 'rite posh'.
-
I'm not into class divides, perceived or otherwise. But I do call posh people posh. What am I supposed to call them?
Sir and ma'am, I think.
There was a time in the early eighties that we were a two Marina family. My dad had a second hand estate and my mum had a second hand coupe. Am I posh and in denial?
-
I'm not into class divides, perceived or otherwise. But I do call posh people posh. What am I supposed to call them?
Sir and ma'am, I think.
There was a time in the early eighties that we were a two Marina family. My dad had a second hand estate and my mum had a second hand coupe. Am I posh and in denial?
I'd answer properly but I'm so busy doffing my cap to you, it'd take hours to type a decent length response.
-
I used to work with a really annoying Peterborough fan. He was a Posh twat.
-
People seem to take him very seriously
That's because there's nothing even remotely amusing about him.
Nor his daft posh "mates" on Top Gear. Bunch of twats, the lot of em. It wouldn't be so bad if I could just ignore them but I'm forced to watch endless repeats of Top Gear on Dave by my 7 year old car-fanatic son.
Go how I hate that word ´Posh ´ , I really think it says more about the user than anything else . When will we all get away from cranking up the old Class divides ( perceived ) in just about every topic that comes up ? . Its just a form of inverse snobbery and an almost tribal aversion to anyone with a privileged background , which after all , is no fault of theirs ... very boring ...........................Godzvilla!
Cranking up the old Class divides you say? I think Clarkson's mate is far more culpable as far as that accusation is concerned.
-
People seem to take him very seriously
That's because there's nothing even remotely amusing about him.
Nor his daft posh "mates" on Top Gear. Bunch of twats, the lot of em. It wouldn't be so bad if I could just ignore them but I'm forced to watch endless repeats of Top Gear on Dave by my 7 year old car-fanatic son.
Go how I hate that word ´Posh ´ , I really think it says more about the user than anything else . When will we all get away from cranking up the old Class divides ( perceived ) in just about every topic that comes up ? . Its just a form of inverse snobbery and an almost tribal aversion to anyone with a privileged background , which after all , is no fault of theirs ... very boring ...........................Godzvilla!
Sorry to have bored you, Godzvilla, feel free to ignore any of my future posts.
Tell you what, I'll stop accusing public school educated privileged twats like Clarkson of being posh when he stops looking down his nose at me and writing about how thick my accent sounds.
That's ok Chico Hamilton 111 ´( what a very posh name ! ) as the Desiderata says " listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story "......maybe Ehrmann should have added " even the Posh and the boring " ? .
I find it difficult to believe that Clarkson is looking down his nose at you personally , your comments are full of generalised assumptions about those you rail against and seem to imply that you have some ´resentment ´ issues , is your discrimination against the rich either a defense mechanism or as a result of honest dislike ? ................Godzvilla?
-
I had a posh boy managing a rather 'lively' betting shop for me once. He phoned me at one point.
"Damo, do you know a character called 'Tyson'?"
"Yes"
"He said he knew you. He has just approached the counter and said to me 'Who do you think your looking at four eyes?' I think that is just plain rude and uncalled for."
I took a few moments to stifle my laughter and compose myself.
"Has he tried to set fire to anything yet?"
"No, why?"
"Your okay then, he likes you."
-
People seem to take him very seriously
That's because there's nothing even remotely amusing about him.
Nor his daft posh "mates" on Top Gear. Bunch of twats, the lot of em. It wouldn't be so bad if I could just ignore them but I'm forced to watch endless repeats of Top Gear on Dave by my 7 year old car-fanatic son.
Go how I hate that word ´Posh ´ , I really think it says more about the user than anything else . When will we all get away from cranking up the old Class divides ( perceived ) in just about every topic that comes up ? . Its just a form of inverse snobbery and an almost tribal aversion to anyone with a privileged background , which after all , is no fault of theirs ... very boring ...........................Godzvilla!
Sorry to have bored you, Godzvilla, feel free to ignore any of my future posts.
Tell you what, I'll stop accusing public school educated privileged twats like Clarkson of being posh when he stops looking down his nose at me and writing about how thick my accent sounds.
That's ok Chico Hamilton 111 ´( what a very posh name ! ) as the Desiderata says " listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story "......maybe Ehrmann should have added " even the Posh and the boring " ? .
I find it difficult to believe that Clarkson is looking down his nose at you personally , your comments are full of generalised assumptions about those you rail against and seem to imply that you have some ´resentment ´ issues , is your discrimination against the rich either a defense mechanism or as a result of honest dislike ? ................Godzvilla?
Ouch!
That's me telt
-
People seem to take him very seriously
That's because there's nothing even remotely amusing about him.
Nor his daft posh "mates" on Top Gear. Bunch of twats, the lot of em. It wouldn't be so bad if I could just ignore them but I'm forced to watch endless repeats of Top Gear on Dave by my 7 year old car-fanatic son.
Go how I hate that word ´Posh ´ , I really think it says more about the user than anything else . When will we all get away from cranking up the old Class divides ( perceived ) in just about every topic that comes up ? . Its just a form of inverse snobbery and an almost tribal aversion to anyone with a privileged background , which after all , is no fault of theirs ... very boring ...........................Godzvilla!
Sorry to have bored you, Godzvilla, feel free to ignore any of my future posts.
Tell you what, I'll stop accusing public school educated privileged twats like Clarkson of being posh when he stops looking down his nose at me and writing about how thick my accent sounds.
That's ok Chico Hamilton 111 ´( what a very posh name ! ) as the Desiderata says " listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story "......maybe Ehrmann should have added " even the Posh and the boring " ? .
I find it difficult to believe that Clarkson is looking down his nose at you personally , your comments are full of generalised assumptions about those you rail against and seem to imply that you have some ´resentment ´ issues , is your discrimination against the rich either a defense mechanism or as a result of honest dislike ? ................Godzvilla?
1) Clarkson has no story to tell, just cheap jibes based on bigoted stereotypes.
2) Neither have his 'pals' on Top Gear
3) They're all posh boys
4) They're all twats
5) But less so than most of their studio audience
-
I had a posh boy managing a rather 'lively' betting shop for me once. He phoned me at one point.
"Damo, do you know a character called 'Tyson'?"
"Yes"
"He said he knew you. He has just approached the counter and said to me 'Who do you think your looking at four eyes?' I think that is just plain rude and uncalled for."
I took a few moments to stifle my laughter and compose myself.
"Has he tried to set fire to anything yet?"
"No, why?"
"Your okay then, he likes you."
this made me chuckle....
-
I like the word posh, it reminds me of happier times reading lord snooty in the dandy.
and also of Clarkson and his gimp like henchmen/co presenters.
-
I like the word posh, it reminds me of happier times reading lord snooty in the dandy.
Beano
-
I like the word posh, it reminds me of happier times reading lord snooty in the dandy.
Beano
I was always a Beano man myself, I thought it had more of an 'edge' than the Dandy, which by way of it's own name was a bit 'soft'.
-
I like the word posh, it reminds me of happier times reading lord snooty in the dandy.
Beano
which one was biffo in?
-
is your discrimination against the rich either a defense mechanism or as a result of honest dislike ? ................Godzvilla?
Why are you assuming that posh and rich are the same thing?
-
I like the word posh, it reminds me of happier times reading lord snooty in the dandy.
Beano
which one was biffo in?
Beano
-
I like the word posh, it reminds me of happier times reading lord snooty in the dandy.
Beano
which one was biffo in?
Beano
lol I'm beginning to think I read the Beano!
-
I like the word posh, it reminds me of happier times reading lord snooty in the dandy.
Beano
which one was biffo in?
Beano
lol I'm beginning to think I read the Beano!
Hope you did. It was the nursery for future Viz graduates
-
On the posh thing I once had the following said to me by someone at work:
Stuart, you is proper posh man, innit.
You certainly arent was the only correct response.
-
Headline of the day on the Birmingham Mail website ;D
Sean Teale: My wife didnt try to run Harry Redknapp over
-
Headline of the day on the Birmingham Mail website ;D
Sean Teale: My wife did try to run Harry Redknapp over
Fixed for comic value!
-
POSH
Port on the Outbound
Starboard Home.
-
Is that idiot George Tyndale still peddling his nonsense?
-
This dementia is a bummer. Desperate Dan was on the first inside page of the Dandy and Lord Snooty was on the inside front page of the Beano. I remember they were (in their heyday) drawn by Dudley D Watkins but I cannot for the life of me remember the name of the castle where Lord Snooty lived. Dan lived with his Aunt Aggie in Cactusville but Snooty's domicile escapes me.
-
Bunkerton Castle.