Heroes & Villains, the Aston Villa fanzine

Heroes & Villains => Heroes Discussion => Topic started by: dave.woodhall on May 24, 2013, 11:41:31 PM

Title: Pitch battles
Post by: dave.woodhall on May 24, 2013, 11:41:31 PM: Villa groundsman Jonathan Calderwood is moving to PSG. Selling club, how low have we sunk, no ambition etc.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: DeKuip on May 24, 2013, 11:51:29 PM: Quote from: dave.woodhall on May 24, 2013, 11:41:31 PM
Villa groundsman Jonathan Calderwood is moving to PSG. Selling club, how low have we sunk, no ambition etc.

Like many before him he'll learn that the grass isn't always greener...
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: john e on May 25, 2013, 12:03:17 AM: Turf wars
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Rudy Can't Fail on May 25, 2013, 12:03:54 AM: He's obviously gone for the green.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Dave Clark Five on May 25, 2013, 12:17:56 AM: When is he going to pitch up there?

Seriously, I hope this doesn't signal the decline of our pitch which has been immaculate for years now.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: frankmosswasmyuncle on May 25, 2013, 12:20:16 AM: Quote from: dave.woodhall on May 24, 2013, 11:41:31 PM
Villa groundsman Jonathan Calderwood is moving to PSG. Selling club, how low have we sunk, no ambition etc.
Bugger!
I've got a flymo. Am I qualified enough to apply for the vacancy?
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Chipsticks on May 25, 2013, 01:32:52 AM: That's genuinely quite bad news, didn't he win groundsman of the year two years in a row? Hope they get in a decent replacement.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: villan1975 on May 25, 2013, 01:35:59 AM: Quote from: DeKuip on May 24, 2013, 11:51:29 PM
Quote from: dave.woodhall on May 24, 2013, 11:41:31 PM
Villa groundsman Jonathan Calderwood is moving to PSG. Selling club, how low have we sunk, no ambition etc.

Like many before him he'll learn that the grass isn't always greener...

It is days like these that I wish I was nerdy enough to be a moderator because you would most definitely be banned for life......
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: eamonn on May 25, 2013, 01:43:03 AM: Quote from: dave.woodhall on May 24, 2013, 11:41:31 PM
Villa groundsman Jonathan Calderwood is moving to PSG. Selling club, how low have we sunk, no ambition etc.

Is there not a bit of truth in that?!

Do they still play at Parc De Prince? Has often looked in rag order over the years. Presumably this fella will be paid handsomely to keep it smooth.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Ads on May 25, 2013, 08:32:53 AM: Lerner out.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: PaulWinch again on May 25, 2013, 08:35:20 AM: Good luck to him, he's done a great job at Villa.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: gervilla on May 25, 2013, 08:37:09 AM: Can Stephen Ireland work a lawnmower ?
Hell, he probable doesn't even know what one is.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: onje_villa on May 25, 2013, 09:00:24 AM: We've had the best pitch for years now, hopefully won't look anything like my lawn next season.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: WALTERS WARRIORS on May 25, 2013, 09:20:13 AM: Calderwoods "team" are taking over so they will know as much as he did as they were with him for a combined 17 yrs. Good luck to him he has won numerous awards and our pitch is world famous ........
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Mister E on May 25, 2013, 10:34:17 AM: Jonathan Calderwood = Blade Runner.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: SX150 on May 25, 2013, 10:51:25 AM: Quote from: gervilla on May 25, 2013, 08:37:09 AM
Can Stephen Ireland work a lawnmower ?
Hell, he probable doesn't even know what one is.
He would probably paint it Pretty Pink with big alloys on it.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: London Villan on May 25, 2013, 10:57:04 AM: Didnt we nick him from the old wembley?
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Simba on May 25, 2013, 12:23:18 PM: Sod him.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Richard C on May 25, 2013, 12:34:07 PM: Quote from: Simba on May 25, 2013, 12:23:18 PM
Sod him.

Winner.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Toronto Villa on May 25, 2013, 12:35:59 PM: Can we dig up any dirt on him?
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: dave.woodhall on May 25, 2013, 12:40:45 PM: Quote from: Toronto Villa on May 25, 2013, 12:35:59 PM
Can we dig up any dirt on him?

Anything to plant the seeds of doubt at PSG.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: maidstonevillain on May 25, 2013, 05:03:47 PM: Assume he was on a rolling contract.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: PeterWithesShin on May 25, 2013, 05:41:31 PM: I know the full dirt on why he left, but i'm not going to grass.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Vaudreuil Villa on May 25, 2013, 05:46:15 PM: Quote from: gervilla on May 25, 2013, 08:37:09 AM
Can Stephen Ireland work a lawnmower ?
Hell, he probable doesn't even know what one is.

It's the only way I'd let him get on the pitch again.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: mazrimsbruv on May 25, 2013, 05:52:10 PM: Well let's face it, he wasn't exactly pulling up trees over here was he?
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Damo70 on May 25, 2013, 06:03:32 PM: I thought we were supposed to be an eco friendly, bio friendly, everything friendly club? I didn't see much evidence of attempts to grow home grown produce. Looks like the lazy git just earned a fortune for cutting the grass.

And for the record, Stephen Ireland has a gold plated, bling, four wheel drive, seated lawnmower. He hasn't got a clue how to switch it on, but he's got one.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: richardhubbard on May 25, 2013, 07:58:28 PM: He was going to seed
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: black pearl of inchicore on May 25, 2013, 11:59:13 PM: Do Groundsmen have agents aswell.....
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: dave.woodhall on May 26, 2013, 12:04:31 AM: Quote from: black pearl of inchicore on May 25, 2013, 11:59:13 PM
Do Groundsmen have agents aswell.....

Turf accountants.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: robbo1874 on May 26, 2013, 12:23:45 AM: I thought he'd just gone there on lawn for a season
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Leighton on May 26, 2013, 12:44:45 AM: Quote from: frankmosswasmyuncle on May 25, 2013, 12:20:16 AM
Quote from: dave.woodhall on May 24, 2013, 11:41:31 PM
Villa groundsman Jonathan Calderwood is moving to PSG. Selling club, how low have we sunk, no ambition etc.
Bugger!
I've got a flymo. Am I qualified enough to apply for the vacancy?

Only a Flymo? We used to have a Mountfield cutting up the pitch a few years ago.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: ktvillan on May 26, 2013, 12:51:34 AM: I think the club should get to the root of why he forked off.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: DeKuip on May 26, 2013, 01:59:04 AM: Quote from: black pearl of inchicore on May 25, 2013, 11:59:13 PM
Do Groundsmen have agents aswell.....
Yes they're raking it in
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: LeeB on May 26, 2013, 08:23:09 AM: Quote from: DeKuip on May 26, 2013, 01:59:04 AM
Quote from: black pearl of inchicore on May 25, 2013, 11:59:13 PM
Do Groundsmen have agents aswell.....
Yes they're raking it in

They get their cut.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: not3bad on May 26, 2013, 08:41:44 AM: I think his wife's to blame. I want to black & decker.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: LeeB on May 26, 2013, 10:05:17 AM: Quote from: not3bad on May 26, 2013, 08:41:44 AM
I think his wife's to blame. I want to black & decker.

Yeah, fuckin' hoe.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Pete3206 on May 26, 2013, 10:37:57 AM: I've heard she's a dirty grass.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Dave Clark Five on May 26, 2013, 11:13:46 AM: If they knew he was looking at leaving, they should have turfed him out, the dirty son of a pitch.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: danlanza on May 26, 2013, 02:48:33 PM: Quote from: eamonn on May 25, 2013, 01:43:03 AM
Quote from: dave.woodhall on May 24, 2013, 11:41:31 PM
Villa groundsman Jonathan Calderwood is moving to PSG. Selling club, how low have we sunk, no ambition etc.

Is there not a bit of truth in that?!

Do they still play at Parc De Prince? Has often looked in rag order over the years. Presumably this fella will be paid handsomely to keep it smooth.
You will never keep a good pitch having rugby and football played on it.Seems to me he will be worming his way out of it.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Toronto Villa on May 26, 2013, 06:15:04 PM: Must be a pitch having to uproot his family. Now he'll have to replant those seeds of success that has helped bring in the green with this move. Good luck. Hope you hit the ground running.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: paulcomben on May 26, 2013, 06:32:16 PM: Quote from: gervilla on May 25, 2013, 08:37:09 AM
Can Stephen Ireland work a lawnmower ?
Hell, he probable doesn't even know what one is.

He'd be ideal if you only wanted the centre circle mowed, lazily.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: paul_e on May 27, 2013, 02:23:19 PM: Quote from: paulcomben on May 26, 2013, 06:32:16 PM
Quote from: gervilla on May 25, 2013, 08:37:09 AM
Can Stephen Ireland work a lawnmower ?
Hell, he probable doesn't even know what one is.

He'd be ideal if you only wanted the centre circle mowed, lazily.

Forget Ireland, we should employ Dunne as the heavy roller.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Mister E on May 27, 2013, 04:09:39 PM: So, the worm has turned. Sod it.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Malandro on May 28, 2013, 08:51:26 AM: Not done and dusted as Barcelona are also interested.

They are hoping he likes surf and turf.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Lee on May 28, 2013, 12:55:40 PM: I heard this a few weeks ago. What they are offering is unbelievable for some one in his field, and I think that there was musings of a job share compromise, which Villa didn't fancy.

Fair play to him.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Bad English on May 28, 2013, 02:38:22 PM: I wonder if he will keep in touch. Please post any clippings you might have.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Dave Javu on May 28, 2013, 02:44:44 PM: He's just making hay while the sun shines.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Brend'Watkins on May 28, 2013, 02:49:18 PM: I do hope weed got somebody already lined up.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Archbishop Herbert Cockthrottle on May 28, 2013, 03:03:02 PM: It's been confirmed that there will be a film made of his life with Patrick Mower in the lead role.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Archbishop Herbert Cockthrottle on May 28, 2013, 03:05:25 PM: Apparently at the Groundsman's end of season concert this year Supergrass were playing with guest star Joe Strimmer on vocals.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Irish villain on May 28, 2013, 03:18:26 PM: Was he offered mower money?
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Brend'Watkins on May 28, 2013, 03:48:57 PM: Quote from: Irish villain on May 28, 2013, 03:18:26 PM
Was he offered mower money?

Mulch more by all accounts.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Malandro on May 28, 2013, 04:00:59 PM: is the move stihl on?
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Godfrey Brian on May 28, 2013, 04:07:37 PM: Shame, but guess he had to draw the line somewhere.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: pauliewalnuts on May 28, 2013, 04:08:26 PM: Quote from: Godfrey Brian on May 28, 2013, 04:07:37 PM
Shame, but guess he had to draw the line somewhere.

*applause*
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Irish villain on May 28, 2013, 04:11:07 PM: Quote from: Malandro on May 28, 2013, 04:00:59 PM
is the move stihl on?

Yes. Unless Chelsea flower show come in for him at the last minute.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Simba on May 29, 2013, 10:09:14 PM: Quote from: Bert English on May 28, 2013, 02:38:22 PM
I wonder if he will keep in touch. Please post any clippings you might have.

by snail mail
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: ExclDawg on May 31, 2013, 04:00:41 PM: I hear he has a boy and they are very much the same. Like fodder, like sun.
Title: Re: Pitch battles
Post by: Malandro on May 31, 2013, 04:05:22 PM: If he was interviewed with other candidates, I wonder if there were random, unemployed civil servants and lawyers going for the position.

I'm seeing a lot coming through our doors, its a very depressing jobs market.