Heroes & Villains, the Aston Villa fanzine
Heroes & Villains => Villa Memories => Topic started by: Archbishop Herbert Cockthrottle on March 13, 2012, 12:16:00 PM
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Not the best literature you'll ever read, but entertaining....
Posted by H1 on March 11, 2012, 6:35:02
After my explosive introduction into the ICF in the Northbank, Highbury, I had learned a few valuable lessons. I hung up my Billy Bonds shirt, my triple layer claret, white and blue top hat, my silk scarves and my rattle. I got myself a permed mullet with Spandau Ballet blonde streaks, a pair of claret Farrahs, a knock off Armani brown leather blousson jacket, a matching Paisley shirt with diamanté neck broach and a pair of white Reeboks. This was a new age for the football fan. We was it. We was the ICF. The days of Dr Martens and Harringtons was over. Or desert boots and anoraks in my case.
I turned up at the meet at Plaistow tube at 8AM. I quietly tagged onto the 200 odd geezers already their. All top table too, was a right tasty firm out today, Villa were for it. We got the tube to Euston. Then onto the 125 to New Street. I kept me nut down, my mouth shut and in general kept a low profile. I was firm now and we was on a mission to take the Holte End. BG rallied everyone on the platform before we got onto the Inter City train and gave one of his quality speeches, we all listened carefully, "Business as usual gents, no colors, no singing, let's keep our heads down and get onto the Holte un-noticed early doors, then we'll smash those pony Villa ****** before they know what hit them". Simples really, not rocket science was it. it was on and my adrenaline was already flowing like I was the Incredible Hulk. Villa here we come.
On the 125 on the way we kept nicking beers from the buffet carriage. My mates kept the barman geezer behind the counter distracted while we leant over and nicked as many cans as we could carry. By the time I got to New Street I was plastered, absolutely hammered. The doors opened and we all piled off the train onto the platform. I started chanting "Come On You Irons" and "#### off you Villa bastards, we are the West Ham boy's" with a chorus of ICF, ICF, ICF? I couldn't help it, it naturally just came blurting out. Every one on the firm was looking at me like I was a ******. I was dying for a gypsies so I staggered over to the khazy, a quick trot to the Benghazi. After writing ICF on the khazy wall and relieving myself I stepped back out onto the platform to join up with everyone to march to the Holte End, but they had all gone. Everyone had ####ed off? I looked all over the station but couldn't find any ****** anywhere? All gone, pooooof just like that, Tommy Cooper or ####ing what? I couldn't figure out what had happened while I was taking a pie and mash? Where did they all ####ing go? They couldn't have left me. Where are you all I shouted?
I got on my toes sharpish, I needed to catch up with the firm. I needed to get to Villa Park and stick to the plan like BG said, we was going to take the Holte and the boys needed me. I couldn't let them down I would never hear the end of it. I walked out of New Street on me jack to look for our firm. I was a bit nervous now. Now which way to VP I wondered? I saw these 7 or so skinhead birds lurking around out the front of the station by the bus top. They were all decked out in Crombies, Loafers, Monkey Boots, little denim mini skirts, fishnet tights (instant boner), Fred Perry's, Two Tone suits, tin badges, the whole nine, they looked the bees ####ing knees. Hot like the dogs bollocks, a part of the Two Tone trend going on in Brum at that time. My Hampton burst out of me Farrahs. I sauntered over to the girls, why not I thought every Northern bird wants a handsome cockney boy between her legs, my Hampton leading the way like a heat seeking missile and said "alright ladies, how we all doing today, which one wants to go first?". They looked at me all funny then I felt a brass knuckle round me boat and me Barnett split open, a loafer followed right into me bollocks, then a monkey boot landed in me mush and they all piled into me, "#### off you Southern fairy, Cockney Twat, ####ing die, ####ing West Ham ponce". I shit myself and wanted to run, it was coming on top and my arse was running all down me new Farrahs. A fish netted knee got me right in the nose and I went down in a ball. Now the birds were stamping on me and kicking the shit out of me. I passed out for a second or so, claret everywhere. I woke up seconds later in a pool of beer puke, British Rail sarny bits and claret. The birds were now all sitting on me having polaroids taken by their mate. They was all laughing and posing, one had her loafer on me head and her hands up in the air like she had just won the FA ####ing Cup. They were pissing theirselves laughing, pulling funny faces and what not. The OB showed up and I was like thank god, I tried to say help me but me jaw was broken so I slurred and drawled like a mong. The OB started pissing themselves laughing too. They told the girls to #### off, picked me up and called for a St Johns ambulance.
I spent a few hours in the hospital getting patched up then they stuck me on the first train back to Euston. I arrived back in the smoke looking like a right ******. I limped down the platform at Euston on crutches, me eye swollen and black, me nose broken, me donut split with stitches, my jaw broken. I was a right ####ing 2 and 8. I hobbled past a mob of Gooners waiting at the end of the platform for the red Scalies. I just wanted to get home at this point. As I walked past them one geezer from the Gooner mob walked up to me and pulled a business card off the back of me fake Armani. Then he read it out loud, it said "You have just been done by the Villa Boot Girls". The whole Gooner firm rolled around with laughter. They knicked me crutches, stuffed me on a baggage trolley and pushed me down the loading ramp. I went flying down the ramp on the trollley and crashed into a open parked mail train carriage. I hit the train and went rocketing into the carriage. I landed on the mail bags and passed out. I woke up hours later in Dover. I was freezing, so cold my balls had shrunk up like a prune. I had to write me name and Mums phone number on a ####ing postcard I knicked out of a mail sack. I got this paraffin to call me Mum as I could nt talk due to me jaw being busted. I gave him a few bob to call her. My Mum came to get me and finally I got home. I never heard the ####ing end of it. I had to do washing up for two months. Still all part of being in the ICF. Nothing phases us. Which is why we did what we did week in, week out for thirty years. Next week I will do Birmingham away, when I steamed 300 Zulus single handed and became a top face over ours. ICF,ICF, ICF.
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I read that in a Danny Dyer stylee.
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I read that in a Danny Dyer stylee.
It's virtualy impossible not to.
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I've just had to eat pie and mash and I've started walking as though I've dropped a log in my pants.
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What an absolute load of bollocks!!!!
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I've been to West Ham a lot over the years due to my West Ham fan brother,and though its easy to generalize,(so hear I go) they're the biggest collection of tools you'll ever see,who love playing up to the ICF stereotype.
Going to the Upon Park is like stepping back in time to the 80s,and not just for the fashion, which is all gold chains and sleeper earnings,and that's just the fellas.
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For some reason, I have the sneakiest of suspicions that the ICF post may, just may, be a piss take.
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I don't know Peter,hang around on Green St for long enough and you'll hear someone doing his best Gary Oldman in The Firm impression.
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That Nick Hornby eh.....keeps on churning them out!
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For some reason, I have the sneakiest of suspicions that the ICF post may, just may, be a piss take.
Think you're right there mate, but it does remind me of the 76/77 season, I think it was. We didn't always take decent numbers to away games, and I used the Travellers Club on occasions. We got off the coach in some side street near Upton Park and some of their boys were on the other side off the road. you could hear a pin drop as they walked alongside us on the other side of the road. You just daren't speed up or make eye contact, but unfortunately, someone in our small group of "scarfers" lost their nerve and ran off the front. They were after him instantly and chased him up an alley and kicked the absolute crap out of him. Fast forward to the return at VP, and with their large ICF firm present, they had a go at the Holte End before the game, and were also outside the Holte at the end of the game. After several skirmishes, they made their way back towards Aston station. It all went off again by the Church and one of their lot got isolated just after the Expressway. He got surrounded and I remember him shouting "How many Brummies does it take to have one cockney boy", before being giving a severe kicking. It was not nice to witness, as I never like to see one person get attacked by a group, but i thought back to the innocent lad off our coach earlier in the season, and thought "what goes around comes around you cockney c**t".
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I don't know Peter,hang around on Green St for long enough and you'll hear someone doing his best Gary Oldman in The Firm impression.
No chance am I hanging around Green Street, a hobbit may give me a good kicking.
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I don't know Peter,hang around on Green St for long enough and you'll hear someone doing his best Gary Oldman in The Firm impression.
No chance am I hanging around Green Street, a hobbit may give me a good kicking.
Zola aint their manager anymore :D
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It was a bad place to go at one time but, since they have started writing books about it, the edge has gone off it.
The 6th Round FA Cup tie was particularly evil.
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Upton Park 1982, I made about £15 in coins I picked up off the terracing that were thrown at us by their so called big hard lads, still at least I had enough to buy a copy of Bulldog on the way out which every steely eyed ICF wannabe was shoving under our noses, horrible football club, horrible fans run by horrible people.
In about 78 I think, I had to make a hasty exit from the chicken run as soon as Andy Gray had netted what turned out to be the winner.
And an FA Cup game in the evening god knows when was an especially nasty experience.
I hope they stay down, for good.
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I thought it was very funny, very imaginative. Besides the obvious Danny Dyer there's also a bit of Quadrophenia in there too.
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In about 78 I think, I had to make a hasty exit from the chicken run as soon as Andy Gray had netted what turned out to be the winner.
Yes ('77 I think). I missed the 1st minute goal, just getting in to see Andy celebrating and West Ham lads trying to spot any sign of joy in anyone's face. Keep calm and betray no emotion!
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What is this, 1996? Do people actually still buy this ropey old shite?
Someone wants to explain to him the difference between there, their and they're.
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That's a classic piss take guv'nor. :)
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My wife, then girlfriend, has only attended one match at Villa Park.
It was the day the ICF launched itself onto the scene.
It is forever known in our house as "The day they threw bricks at us".
It is the only time my late Father exhorted me to "get stuck in" and he forever afterwards loathed West Ham.
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Would go to West Ham, would never ever, what so ever go to Millwall again. ..............ever.
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ICF - I Cum First?
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Being the wuss that I am, I'm glad I was too young for all this bullshit. I love football but the thought of fighting over it, to me, is absurd. I remember reading about it as a kid and the cliche at the time was that the hooligans on saturday would often be back to their suited and booted jobs (accountants etc) on Monday and the only people who got involved were each clubs hooligans.
How true was this?
Does anyone admit to missing it?
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Is it true that West Ham and Chelsea have taken the Holte? Both sides say different things...
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No. As I remember they came in early, grouped up, started shouting whilst running down the steps (and getting a few slaps) to the front to get out and walked round the pitch in a 'geezer' like manner to their own fans who applauded and cheered them on.
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No. As I remember they came in early, grouped up, started shouting whilst running down the steps (and getting a few slaps) to the front to get out and walked round the pitch in a 'geezer' like manner to their own fans who applauded and cheered them on.
Correct account of events.
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Being the wuss that I am, I'm glad I was too young for all this bullshit. I love football but the thought of fighting over it, to me, is absurd. I remember reading about it as a kid and the cliche at the time was that the hooligans on saturday would often be back to their suited and booted jobs (accountants etc) on Monday and the only people who got involved were each clubs hooligans.
How true was this?
Does anyone admit to missing it?
It's a bit like the bollocks about all Hell's Angels actually having a PhD in Thermodynamics - there may be a couple but most are/were violent thugs.
I remember the away days on the mid/late 70's as being fantastically exciting because we all had a great ability to create myths about pretty mundane experiences. I took part in general public disorder and, on occasion, fought with opposition fans. I was not a hard case however and had the stuffing knocked out of me until I realised it was utter stupidity.
My NHS work has led me to counsel a couple of "lads" who are trapped by their association with firm-culture. One is Wolves and cannot work in certain areas of the Black Country due to the fact that if he is spotted by Olbiun firm members they will attack him. He was also hospitalised by Blues on St Georges Day when they all meet up to be "English" together.
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In the early 80's I used to stand on the Holte every home game. My dad was working on the turnstiles so I had a season ticket. We would get to the ground around 1.00pm and I would wait outside the Holte until the turnstiles opened (no getting in for free at Villa Park as it was years more advanced from the Sty where I got in for free every game when he worked there.) I recall standing on the Holte on a couple of occasions at around 2.15pm when all hell broke out towards the back with bricks been thrown fists flying etc. The one thing that did strike me is how anyone can claim they took the Holte End when the stand was sparsley occupied. Brave soles these hooligans.
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I lived in London for nearly 15 years and have known loads of fans of both teams, and this has cropped up in a few conversations. I was also at both games and my version and memory is this:
The West Ham mob were actually not that big in numbers and were chased away. They freely admit that they never took the Holte and the general story they churn out is that it was a mob of their younger fans (can't remember, Under Fives?) who were trying to make a name for themselves. I was in the Witton End that day and saw it all pretty clearly from a safe distance.
The Chelsea game was much worse, and I was a Holte regular by then. They were already relegated and this was their last away game in the top flight. They had a couple of hundred fans who made their first charge very early, probably 30-40 mins before kick off. Most Villa fans initially scattered, then there was a simultaneous charge by some Villa fans to have a go and by the police to cordon the Chelsea fans at the back of the Holte on the left side. There were a couple of minutes of mayhem and to be honest it was pretty scary. I honestly don't know what would have happened if the police had not been there, as Chelsea fans were inbig numbers and were coordinated.
The Chelsea fans were led away and order seemed to be restored, though their action had riled a lot of Villa fans. A smaller group of Chelsea had avoided being coralled by the cops and made a second charge about 10 minutes later. This was shorter lived and my memory is that they were chased away quickly. All this would have been much clearer to people on the other 3 sides of the ground.
Arsenal also came up the Holte End very early the season we won the League. It was strange being under the stand by the bars and hearing a stampede above, with everybody abandoning their beers and running upstairs. I never got to see what happened at this one but by the time we had got to the back of the Holte there was no sign of the Londoners.
A lot of exaggeration no doubt over the years, but the Chelsea game was scary because there were so many of them.
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This is a pretty accurate account. The only thing to add is that the Arsenal crew came up the rear stairs to the back of the Holte and were met at the top and forced to retreat only to find a welcoming party on the middle concourse. My diary entry read something like " Arsenal fans in Holte, Ha Ha Ha"
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Would go to West Ham, would never ever, what so ever go to Millwall again. ..............ever.
The New Den isn't so bad.
It was like Ninian was towards the end; a load of kids spending 90 minutes watching you and doing all the hard man signs instead of watching the game.
There used to be a lot of rough places, but short of the Sty on derby day, there's nowhere you're likely to feel the squeeze any more.
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I was on the Holte on all of those occasions I can categoricaly tell you that West Ham, Chelsea, Arsenal and Tottenham have all had a go at the Holte at some point. But as for taking it, come on, please! A few hundred dickheads at best against thousands. Who do they think they are? Spartans from the 300. No they were sent packing with a flea in their ears. I have generally found Chelsea to be the most loathsome of all the cockneys culminating in Wembley way before the FA Cup final where some burberry clad dickhead decided to pick a fight on the guy in the claret and blue jester hat, i.e yours truly. After calling me a Brummy cnut several times and being covered in spittle I promptly floored him with a nice one two combo followed by his mate too.!
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I have generally found Chelsea to be the most loathsome of all the cockneys culminating in Wembley way before the FA Cup final where some burberry clad dickhead decided to pick a fight on the guy in the claret and blue jester hat, i.e yours truly. After calling me a Brummy cnut several times and being covered in spittle I promptly floored him with a nice one two combo followed by his mate too.!
I cannot possibly condone hooligan behaviour Rico but this sounds like self-defence and therefore perfectly permissable ;-)
In the days I stood on the Witton they were always a nasty, snidey little bunch. Remember us beating them 2-0 and they only started fighting as everyone was leaving the ground punching innocents and lobbing bottles about. They also smashed up a lot of local shops owned by people from the Asian communities as a warm-up for their NF meetings in Digbeth (but they may remember they didn't get home in one piece that day).
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I went to the Copa America in Ecuador many years ago, and suprisingly there were quite a few Brits over there following the tournament. Most were cockneys, and most were ok. But the couple of Chelsea fans were right tossers. Giving the Nazi salute all the time, winding up the argies about the Falklands, and one in particular always thought it was funny to try and provoke a fight with me. Always giving it large, " come on Villa, lets have it!" was his typical style. Typical bully behaviour. He stopped though! After I dragged him out of his seat. And gave him a slap. So for me Chelsea are the most obnoxious of the cockneys. Apologies to the johny come lately Chelsea fans though. The old school Chelsea were a right bunch of dickheads. But no fans I've ever come across are quite as bad a small heath at the sty. Pure hatred. P.s. Don't condone any violence, but self defence is definitely allowed
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I was at the Chelsea game in '84 when we beat them 4-2. They had just come up the previous season and it was about the 4th/5th game of the season. They had a few thousand that day, and towards the end, a few left early and had a go at the right side of the Holte and got ran out, next min they have a go at the left with the same result.. After the game, it seemed as if the whole Holte went looking en masse for them!