Heroes & Villains, the Aston Villa fanzine
Heroes & Villains => Heroes Discussion => Topic started by: sonlyme on April 01, 2011, 06:03:55 PM
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Many of you may recognise me from the Telly. I’m Victor Meldrew. Until recently, I used to haunt St Andrews, but things started getting too positive round there so I’m on the mooch for a new club.
Seeing as how Villa Park has become some sort of psychiatric Lourdes for the disillusioned and downcast I would like to nominate myself as spokesman for the
“I Hate Houllier – He’s Ruined My Marriage and Caused Me to Grow a Beer-Gut” campaign. Childish self defeating negativity is to me, as sweet as mother’s milk.
(http://img42.imageshack.us/img42/3434/meldrewvillahoullierout.jpg)
Meldrew - does he sit near you?
Foolishly I have ignored going down the Villa because I associated it with enjoyment, laughter, and simple pleasure. Now that seems to have changed into a snarling blame-fest I am anxious to become a life-long fan – albeit one who lives in Formby and finds it hard to get to games… ahem.
In the spirit of misery I think we need radical revolution – maybe even start a facebook petition? Would it be possible to change the name of the ground I wonder.
Manchester United have got ‘The Theatre of Dreams’, could we have ‘The Shed of Nightmares’? Sunderland have stolen ‘The Stadium of Light’ but we could still rename Villa Park ‘The Valley of the Shadow of Death’.
Personally I would rather go with a corporate sponsor – there’s so much more money to waste that way – much like ‘The Emirates’ – so what do you think of… ‘The Prozac Stadium’?
I’m sure Gordon’s Gin would pay good money to put ‘Bitter and Twisted’ on our shirts?
We could ask the street vendors around the ground to theme their offerings. How about the ‘GerardBurger’? An under-cooked patty of tired old French beef smothered under a heap of zingy bile relish.
Or instead of a hot dog we could have a ‘Kinder to Put Him Down’ dog. It would be like a hot dog – but without the sausage. Surely that would suit the mood?
We could make and sell our own unique Villa merchandise. ‘Whining Bobble-Heads’ would surely be a winner – a gurning head on a stick which makes a baleful low moaning noise when swished through the balmy Aston air.
Or how about special Villa Park ‘Misery Blankets’ which though they could be used to help keep the chill off – double up brilliantly for writing demoralising messages on.
Let’s show the world that the people of Birmingham and its environs are more than retarded ingrates – let’s put a lie to the myth that we’re all thick and humourless – if you can’t support the Villa at least support me – old misery guts – Victor Meldrew.
Failing that – I suppose you could always try backing the team and the club, but if you do that, I suppose it’s back to Small Heath for me. Oh well, bring on those bonus payments Carson!
Available on twitter facebook and far too many internet boards.
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I'd love to pretend I find that funny, but it has been a long day.
Seems to me you are trying too hard.
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Absolutely brilliant. Satire at its finest.
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Dont give up your day job
Taxi for Sonlyme
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And it took me ages to paint those little light blue spots on his scarf. :-[
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You are Colin Hunt
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Aw - was it that easy?
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Not really. I had to stop reading a couple of times to stab myself with a fork
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If you like I'll have a word with the mods at Villatalk and see if they'll change their minds. It's no trouble, really.
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I'll get me coat.
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Mods at Villatalk? Who is this beast?
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isnt this the kind of tosh that got you booted from the other site?
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Is tosh not allowed?
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Get a proper Villa scarf Meldrew !
(http://www.tvscoop.tv/_39183011_dadsarmy_270.jpg)
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That's more like it - cheers Andy.
After the General issued his 'they don't like it up em' speech - what's the odds G Mac's been running around shouting 'Don't Panic! - Don't panic!'
Lovely bit of sausage.
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Is tosh not allowed?
It's just a bit grating when it's as camp as yours.
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If Kenneth Williams was alive, a Villa fan and had a thing about editing images, he might come up with something like the OP.
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I bet he'd love it if somebody came up to him and said his catchphrase. I'd say no one ever does that to him.
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i was at a do and he was the after dinner speaker, he is a most boring conceted dull un funny man
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I bet he'd love it if somebody came up to him and said his catchphrase. I'd say no one ever does that to him.
(http://simonkelk.adsl24.co.uk/richardwilson/html/images/father%20ted/I%20Don%27t%20Believe%20it!.jpg)
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Funny stuff.
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Made me laugh Sonlyme good post nice start to the day.
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Might have been a bit funnier over the last few years when playing a centre-half at full-back, not quite winning cups and not quite qualifying for the Champions League was enough reason for suicidal tendencies. Bizzarely, now the misery is a bit more justified, H&V's worst miseryguts are much happier. It's an ill wind etc...
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Might have been a bit funnier over the last few years when playing a centre-half at full-back, not quite winning cups and not quite qualifying for the Champions League was enough reason for suicidal tendencies. Bizzarely, now the misery is a bit more justified, H&V's worst miseryguts are much happier. It's an ill wind etc...
This one isn't.
We're well and truly fucked.
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We'll survive.
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Might have been a bit funnier over the last few years when playing a centre-half at full-back, not quite winning cups and not quite qualifying for the Champions League was enough reason for suicidal tendencies. Bizzarely, now the misery is a bit more justified, H&V's worst miseryguts are much happier. It's an ill wind etc...
This one isn't.
I know you're not. But then you are sane (ish).
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Might have been a bit funnier over the last few years when playing a centre-half at full-back, not quite winning cups and not quite qualifying for the Champions League was enough reason for suicidal tendencies. Bizzarely, now the misery is a bit more justified, H&V's worst miseryguts are much happier. It's an ill wind etc...
This one isn't.
I know you're not. But then you are sane (ish).
It took a bit of time for me to realise that Houllier was a fuck up, i've always preached that Managers should be given a full 3 seasons to prove their worth, but it's quite clear that he's out of his depth and that he and his crew have alienated the players.
I don't want to talk about O'Neill and the past, what is happening now can be firmly placed at the feet of Houllier.