Heroes & Villains, the Aston Villa fanzine
Heroes & Villains => Heroes Discussion => Topic started by: kippaxvilla2 on March 28, 2011, 09:53:51 AM
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Just a bit of light hearted entertainment for a Monday morning. I will kick it off (see what I dd there) with;
The Lbyan crisis
The price of fuel.
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Coldplay
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The only way is Essex
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The design flaws at Fukishima A and B
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Nick Clegg
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Im still pretty upset about getting a B in A level design. If I had got an A, i would probably have got a place at Aston university and probably right now be one of the main designers for Ferrari. Bloody Houllier
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Thatcher
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Catching my cock in my zip.
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Pain d'ail.
Pain d'ail, PAIN D'AIL, PAIN AVEC D'AIL ?
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Difficult to open milk cartons
Endless junk mail through the letterbox
James 'Ha ha ha, look how fat I am' Corden
Peter 'Sodastream, what were that all about?' Kay
U2
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Potholes
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Bono
Stealing/hiding my Mighty Wah! CD
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A 15 minute train journey taking almost 40 minutes this morning, although I did have a good book with me and the train was nice and quiet. On reflection, cheers Jerry.
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Duran Duran
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Chris Evans
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Global warming.
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Thatcher
.....................having not popped it yet.
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Poverty
John Terry
David Cameron
Rupert Murdoch
George Osborne
Bankers
Richard & Judy
Sky News
Paul Tait
Alan Green
Religion
Work
Not enough bank holidays
The Royal Family
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Jeremy 'Huh, The French!, it uses lots of petrol GOOD' Clarkson
Jamie 'These are pukka kids, they deserve a chance' Oliver
David 'Destroy all organic life forms' Cameron
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Bonding sessions
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Harry Redknapp's tax return
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Threads of irony.
Izal toilet paper.
Changing the clocks back.
Gez, you've got a lot to answer for. Bastard.
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Cumbernauld
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Lark rise to fucking candleford
Midsomer Massacres
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Our systems being down again!
My office being too warm and the cost of bog roll
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Birmingham City FC
Katie Price
Kerry Katona
X Factor
Michael Jacksons death
Elvis' death
It's his fault that baked beans make you trump.
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Fog lights when there is no fog.
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Coopers Injury
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David Ginola's injury time wayward cross field pass that allowed Kostadinov to score, thus depriving France of qualification for USA 94.
What? Oh!
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My Ex women who i have been with they have put a curse on me and everything i love.
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Priorité ŕ droite. (http://www.bwam.org.uk/articles/in_france.php)
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CELLOPHANE WRAPPING
THE DAILY MAIL , SUN , MIRROR, EXPRESS , SPORT , BIRMINGHAM MAIL
ED MILLIBLAND
EASTENDERS ( the prog )
THE SPICE GIRLS
MUGABE
GERRY ADAMS
SARAH PALIN
VIN DU TABLE
.........................................................................................Godzvilla!
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Christmas shopping.
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Whitechapel Murders
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Telling us that a 'thread' on a forum is a 'thread'. As in "THE xxxxxx THREAD"
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I quite like Sarah Palin
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Tsunamis, when they were tidal waves they were never nearly as bad, thanks a lot GH.
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....for the moonlit sky
and the dream that died
with the eagles' flight
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The disappearence of Maddy McCann.
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Ghostbusters 2
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Programmes about people buying houses.
Nick Fucking Knowles.
My right foot being bigger than my left making it a pain to find a decent pair of shoes that fit.
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Deep-fried racist banana launching.
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Justin Beiber.
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Programmes about people buying houses.
Nick Fucking Knowles.
My right foot being bigger than my left making it a pain to find a decent pair of shoes that fit.
Buy two pairs at the same time?
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Bieber! 'i' before 'e' except after c unless he's a he's a 'C' (or a 'B').
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How do you then explain Steinway pianos?
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The Fall of the House of Usher.
I wanna make love in this club
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GERRY ADAMS
Shouldn't that be credit?
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Vajazzles. What were you thinking, Gerard?
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How do you then explain Steinway pianos?
It's not an exact science, you wiener.
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McDonalds
That stupid plastic packaging which is impossible to open without a sharp object or doing yourself damage
Paul Daniels
Bono
I'm a fucking no-mark, watch me eat stuff guaranteed to make me puke!
Deelyboppers
The Cheeky Girls
Kentucky Fried Roadkill
Chernobyl
Strictly come fucking flailing about to muzak
PCSOs and other officious twats in florescent tabards
Glee
Energy saving lightbulbs that take half a fucking hour to produce enough light to see by
Only making one season of "Firefly"
My missus
Jesus Jones
Terry Wogan
That twat that is famous for being Robbie Williams' mate who's name I forget
Adam and the Ants
Tax inspectors
Tabloid newspapers
Mister Houllier, you are a twunt!
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That Rebecca Black 'Friday' song
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The Perils of Oracle VM
.... oh and the Bee Gees.
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The "We buy any car" adverts, yeah cheers for that Gerrard you mug!
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The Kaiser Chiefs
Toothache
Those horrible MC Hammer type trousers that females seem to be finding fashionable these days
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The Schleswig-Holstein question.
The West Lothian question
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Garibaldi biscuits.
The Garibaldi Aircraft Carrier.
A brilliant orange damselfish, Hypsypops rubicundus, found off the rocky coasts of southern California.
Garibaldi.
Hairless men called Gary.
(http://www.ascasonline.org/garibaldi.jpg)
"Hello Sailor"
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How do you then explain Steinway pianos?
It's not an exact science, you wiener.
Weirdo.
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The stupid i before e saying that quite clearly is a load of bollocks
Richard Hammond
Basketball
Extinction of the Dodo
Me being shit at football
Me being shit at cricket
Me being shit at Rugby
Me being shit at all sports
Milton Keynes
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That stupid plastic packaging which is impossible to open without a sharp object or doing yourself damage
Now that is the most annoying thing he is ever done by a country mile. What a bastard he is for that.
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Ryanair
All houlliers brainchild
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Ryanair
All houlliers brainchild
Actually that was O'Leary!!
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Yes but O'Leary was Houlliers fault
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The Big Society
Iraq War..........the Frenchie should have put pressure on Saddam H.
The War on Drugs...........just say NON
Fortnum and Macon
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That funny smell in Blockbusters
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That funny smell in Blockbusters
That would be Bob Holness.
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That funny smell in Blockbusters
That would be Bob Holness.
I'll have a magic tree please Bob.
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Ed Balls
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Gareth Barry
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Gareth Barry
........not taking the penalty??
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Paul "Franksy" Franks, "Reago", Phil Upton and any other BBC Radio WM knobheads who talk negative bollocks at every opportunity about Villa and have done for years. One even claims to be a Villa fan!!
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Both 'Reago' and Upton are Villa fans.
Hate the way 'Reago' always refers to you when talking to Villa fans when it's obvious who he supports.
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My car is knackered
Royal Mail problems
Invention of credit cards
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Le twats who drive in the middle lane of the motorway constantly,
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He's responsible for the sub-educated language form in common usage these days. Particularly the sound 'aaah-zzlye'.
So he goes yowm saft yow am, and I went I ay, and aaah-zzlye - (facial expression), an he guzz I day, I went you did, like this, and he guzz no way, an aaah-zzlye "you did" etc
Anybody lie, know what I mean lie?
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My tree died in the front garden. You have a lot to answer for Houllier, summoning up that harsh winter. Just what on earth were you thinking?
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For every girlfriend who broke my heart. Thats about 10 broken hearts. Where is the romance this man should bring?
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I blame him for the Arsenal game being moved to Sunday
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my parking ticket this morning in Holloway, London ..
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That crap loo roll you used to get at school - like grease proof paper
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Still a load of snow over here in Canadia, Houllier and snow out!
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Elton John's surrogate child
The One Show
Traffic Jams
Them Asylum Seekers 'azz has our jobs, wimmen, clog up our chip shops and have all them free 'ouziz what there is.
Poor elocution
The New Wembley
The Old Wembley
David Platt launching that shot against Tony Daley's legs at Boro in 1988 when he had the entire open goal to aim at.
The disapperance of white dog shit.
All HIS!
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Scottish Women (seriously name 1 fit one)
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More roadkill in evidence on the way home. No doubt Houllier just 'going for a spin'
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Scottish Women (seriously name 1 fit one)
Kirsty Gallagher
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I would also like to blame GH for Kirsty not being on Sky sports any more!
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Scottish Women (seriously name 1 fit one)
Kirsty Gallagher
Other than her, she doesnt count really
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Paul Weller sounding like Neil Diamond.
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Scottish Women (seriously name 1 fit one)
Kirsty Gallagher
Other than her, she doesnt count really
Jenni Falconer
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Take That
Westlife
Boyzone
JLS
Xfactor
Simon Cowell
Mcfly
Blue
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AIDS
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Wet doorhandles in public lavatories.
The entire staff of all builders merchants but most particularly those moronic gastropods in company acrylic jumpers who repeat every fucking thing you say to somebody in the back office.
Screws made of plastic which will not fasten securely and when they do they jam especially the petrol caps on lawnmowers.
Squirrels in the roof.
Twenty four hour clocks. Four o'clock in the afternoon is four o'clock in the afternoon not bastard shit fucking poxy sixteen hundred hours.
Musclebound Icelanders on World's Strongest Man who lift a steam roller wheel over their heads, throw it down and scream "I am a Viking" at John Inverdale.
Obese Brits on World's Strongest Man who get injuries just as they are called forward to lift the steam roller wheel. In our house this is called Doing A Geoff Capes.
Cockneys who find themselves hilarious when they say the word Bur-ming-ham.
People who say lunch when they mean dinner, dinner when they mean tea and crumpets when they mean pikelets.
People who laugh when I tell kids not to run in the horse road.
The list is endless and it is all Houllier's fault. Everything. All of it.
I am going to go and watch Rocky V it is hilarious.
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My Chilli seeds have not started to grow, its been almost 4 weeks, I bet he had something to do with it.
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Internet Explorer 6 was coded by Houllier.
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Farmville. ******!
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The cancellation of The Crystal Maze.
The 9th of November terror attacks in America.
Waking up five minutes before your alarm's due to go off and thinking you've got a couple of hours left in bed.
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Cuz, Rawley and Oodman.
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Spell it right
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Scottish Women (seriously name 1 fit one)
Kirsty Gallagher
Claire Grogan
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Kelly MacDonald from Trainspotting
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Keep the faith LeeB
Cuz, Rawley and Oodman.
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Spell it right
"It"
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he spelt Cuz right
Spell it right
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Keep the faith LeeB
Cuz, Rawley and Oodman.
I'm trying brother, I'm trying.
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Well it was only 3 letters
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Scottish Women (seriously name 1 fit one)
Kirsty Gallagher
Claire Grogan
The bird off 'Nina and the Neurons'.
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Scottish Women ? Kirsty Gllageher & the bird of GMTV aside, its a struggle ? even Braveheart they had to introduce a French chic
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Scottish Women ? Kirsty Gllageher & the bird of GMTV aside, its a struggle ? even Braveheart they had to introduce a French chic
Yeah I did have to think about it for a while, but it was a nice thought process though
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Lorraine Kelly too. You don't know what your talking about.
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Lorraine Kellys Growler ?
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Gail Porter. Before Houllier fucked up her hair.
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even with hair that is borderline BE
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People who think of fit Scottish women when you nod your head sagely at the suggestion that there aren't any.
All the things the Romans didn't so for us.
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Marianne from my trolley dolly training days. The Scottish bird with a pointy nose from same trolley days. quite a few when I've been clubbing in Glasgow. My mate's missus. Quite a few fit Scottish birds to be fair.
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Peter W not making the grade as a trolley dolly.
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Twitter
Facebook status updates
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I am advised that Houllier is both Frank Skinners and Adrian Chiles showbusiness agent. He also was the brains behind So You Think You Can Dance Dancing On Ice and Strictly Come Dancing. He is also a big fan of Kenny Lynch and Michael Barrymore.
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I am advised that Houllier is both Frank Skinners and Adrian Chiles showbusiness agent. He also was the brains behind So You Think You Can Dance Dancing On Ice and Strictly Come Dancing. He is also a big fan of Kenny Lynch and Michael Barrymore.
That's cold, man.
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It's his fault i'm not a millionaire.
And that Bromsgrove Rovers went out of business.
It's also his fault that we haven't won the FA Cup since 1957.
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I'd say it is his fault I can not sell my house and G Mac's fault for not ranting and raving at passers by.
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GMac is a rather decent golfer, pls dont confuse him with our very onen G Mac
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It's his fault i'm not a millionaire.
And that Bromsgrove Rovers went out of business.
It's a bit much to accuse him of being Steve Daniels.
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It's Houllier's fault that Clare Grogan got old.
Still would though.
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I blame Houllier for me being too old in Aussie refereeing terms which has more or less scuppered my chances of getting onto the development group who fast track for a chance to get on AFC/FIFA.
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Not persuing Washington up the Hudson and thus causing the independance of America, thus causing everything bad that country has done.
Starting a conspiracy to abolish the word 'fewer' because supporters of the word 'less' are paying him in ancient Persian pornography.
Phil Dowd.
Mussolini.
That unbelievably annoying "they're gonna taste great" Frosties ad from a few years ago.
The rise of Red China.
Keith, Ian and Andy on ITV's FA Cup coverage.
Fosters.
The Goetterdaemmerung, Ragnarok and general end of the world that will inevitably result from him playing Gabby on the wing.
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The royal wedding and (on a separate thread) Prince Andrew
Pluto not being a proper planet
The dumbing-down of BBC Radio 4
John Prescott reading the Shipping Forecast
Major radiation in Power Station No 4, Japan,
Gareth Barry being captain of England against Ghana
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Houllier swapped Kat`s baby in Eastenders. How low can that man go .......
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It was GH who broke up the beatles and not yoko ono
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It was GH who broke up the beatles and not yoko ono
It was Paul McCartney actually, but Houllier told him to.
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Had Houllier not been so hell bent on revenge in the drawing up of reparations post 1918, the economic conditions which facilitated the rise of Hitler may not have been created.
Shame on you, Houllier, you have the blood of tens of millions on your hands.
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It's GH's fault that Phil Collins has officially retired from the music industry.
See, it's not all doom and gloom.
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Where's the blue bag of salt for my Salt & Shake crisps?
Houllier, you light fingered sodium fiend.
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Series 2, 3 and 4 of Heroes was written by Houllier. Say no more.
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I blame GH for Gigli being a flop. That should be a classic.
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Twitter
Facebook status updates
Twitter's OK as long as you don't follow Paul the Villain.
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Paul the Villain.
Houllier, what were you thinking?
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The decline and fall of the Roman empire. Only one man accountable
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When the crumbs go everywhere where you take Weetabix out of the wrapper.
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Leaky stainless steel tea pots you always get in cafes.
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When the crumbs go everywhere where you take Weetabix out of the wrapper.
That happened to me this morning! Well, it was mainly because the nipper insisted on doing it himself, but, nonetheless, it was very annoying.
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Ricky Ponting retiring
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Capello fielding a weakened side against Ghana tonight-he got the idea from Houllier
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Kelly MacDonald from Trainspotting
Definitely.
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Green tea.
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Citizen Kane only receiving one oscar.
The death of Petra, the Blue Peter dog.
Decimalisation.
The eruption of Vesuvius in 79AD.
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The inevitable demise of our host star, and knorr discontinuing them sizzle n stir Indian sauces that were brill.
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Houllier is responsible for the phenomenon of yoghurt pots spurting their contents over you when you open them, making you feel like a fruity bukkake victim.
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The reinstatement of the desk in the "Midlands Today" news studio.
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404 file not found, thanks Houllier mate, just what I didn't need.
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Cats and their shit.
What in the world were you thinking of Gez? I found a tabby having a dump amongst the primroses this morning.
Next time it's in the wheely bin.
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It's Houllier's fault that Clare Grogan got old.
Still would though.
She's still lovely. You're welcome to join her unofficial admiration society. We convene every Wednesday 2pm outside Budgens, Crouch End.
oh yes, erectile disfunction.
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Houllier has a lot to answer for, but Sophia Coppola's performance in The Godfather III will be high on the list of charges should he ever be required to appear in court.
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Bus not turning up this morning.
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Luc Nilis's leg.
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The price of fish.
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raw onions in sandwiches. WTF?
Acronyms.
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The remake of Psycho.
Honestly Gerard. What is the point of that?
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Changing the name of marathons to snickers, that was Gerard's American cousin influencing him!
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Garlic Bread.
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Saturday Night television.
Push the Button
That gay bloke that does the dance programme on Sky
The Cheeky Girls
Lembit Opik's deteroriation.
The Hamilton's still being in the public eye.
The success of Duncan Bannatynes Ice Cream Company
David Starkey's opinions.
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I blame him for ruining the prequels to my favourite boyhood film Star Wars.
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GH puts the:
shit in miss-hit
poor in whippoorwill
and the
dross in Luther Vandross
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Invented the "Haarp" system America have used on Japan to "trigger" there earthquake. Really. Was there any need for that Gerrard ???
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The e-tap hotel chain, Gerard WTF !!
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'Gerard Houllier' was the safety phrase Michael Hutchence, David Carradine and Stephen Milligan MP neglected to mention, right before their kinky rafter bating got out of hand.
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Our reserves used to be good but now theyv'e lost again tonight. That must be his fault !
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Quantum Solace, he wrote and directed it and spoiled the last bond film after such a good job they did with Casino Royale.
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Professor Brian Cox. Something not right about him. Could be the permanently sweaty top lip, odd face or the accent. Anyway, you can't go from keyboard player in D:ream to Patrick Moore's replacement without help in high places.
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I cannot say I've ever noticed a sweaty top lip, and cannot even imagine what one looks like.
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I cannot say I've ever noticed a sweaty top lip, and cannot even imagine what one looks like.
Must be the fault of GH then!
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Quantum Solace, he wrote and directed it and spoiled the last bond film after such a good job they did with Casino Royale.
Ah, GH must have been the one who played that stupid whistle during the stunt in "The Man With the Golden Gun".
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Professor Brian Cox. Something not right about him. Could be the permanently sweaty top lip, odd face or the accent. Anyway, you can't go from keyboard player in D:ream to Patrick Moore's replacement without help in high places.
He's a geek - that's what is not right!
However, I find him very easy to listen to and understand. Very enjoyable shows and I'm off to see him and 3 others at the Alex in Town. However, apparently it's a restricted view seat...now that was GH's fault.
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The woman who left a disabled child outside on their own whilst she went out for the night. GH - you disgust me.
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Portuguese green wines WTF GED !
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Malaria
Extinction of the Dinosaurs
Donald Rumsfeld and his wig
Genghis Khan
and a lack of ice cream in my freezer
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I know for a fact the GH was an advisor to Nixon and had a girlfriend who worked in the Watergate building, coincidence?
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Professor Brian Cox. Something not right about him. Could be the permanently sweaty top lip, odd face or the accent. Anyway, you can't go from keyboard player in D:ream to Patrick Moore's replacement without help in high places.
Looks like the bastard spawn of any 70's footballer you'd care to mention and socialite/plastic surgery fan Jocelyn Wildenstein:
(http://img842.imageshack.us/img842/2653/catwoman6t.jpg) (http://img842.imageshack.us/i/catwoman6t.jpg/)
(http://img716.imageshack.us/img716/3121/catwomange.jpg) (http://img716.imageshack.us/i/catwomange.jpg/)
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The Arsenal goalkeeper making a mistake
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Them ocean finance adverts.
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Them ocean finance adverts.
I hear you Griswold and I'll raise you that woman who goes "Isa Isa baby" - a fat nil points Gedward.
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socialite/plastic surgery fan Jocelyn Wildenstein:
Has she had plastic surgery? I can't see it. Who could be to blame for my lack of observational skills?
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socialite/plastic surgery fan Jocelyn Wildenstein:
Has she had plastic surgery? I can't see it. Who could be to blame for my lack of observational skills?
now you are the sort of bloke i allways wanted to go pulling birds with, you take the ugly defender away whilst i get a decent shot at the pretty blonde
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socialite/plastic surgery fan Jocelyn Wildenstein:
Has she had plastic surgery? I can't see it. Who could be to blame for my lack of observational skills?
now you are the sort of bloke i allways wanted to go pulling birds with, you take the ugly defender away whilst i get a decent shot at the pretty blonde
I read that it's more effective to feign an interest in the ugly bird to make the pretty one more insecure.
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socialite/plastic surgery fan Jocelyn Wildenstein:
Has she had plastic surgery? I can't see it. Who could be to blame for my lack of observational skills?
now you are the sort of bloke i allways wanted to go pulling birds with, you take the ugly defender away whilst i get a decent shot at the pretty blonde
I read that it's more effective to feign an interest in the ugly bird to make the pretty one more insecure.
so how did i end up with the ugly one?
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(http://img716.imageshack.us/img716/3121/catwomange.jpg) (http://img716.imageshack.us/i/catwomange.jpg/)
[/quote]
Is that the Loch Ness Monster she's carrying?...that's something else I blame him for...
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The Inland Revenue
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Enlarged prostate. Standing at a Holte End trough thinking of running taps and waterfalls while others come in and piss like fire hoses.
Harsh, Ged. Very harsh
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Just saw a headline on BBC saying 'Gerard close to Liverpool return'.
GH - how dare you get my hopes up like that.
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No holidays for the Blitz family in 2011
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No holidays for the Blitz family in 2011
Sorry to here that Comrade, I've gone for the holidays and put them on the credit card. It was Ged that drove me to do it!
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Talking of holidays, GH is responsible for sanding getting everywhere on the beach, in your sandwiches, the crack of your arse, etc.
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Ive just tipped hot coffee over myself. French bastard!
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I am afflicted with a bald patch.
It's me nerves thanks to the French Git.
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The crowds of clueless people in everyone's way in Brum City Centre. (I've seen them shrug too).
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Network crashing!
GH get your techie people up to Farsley!
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Tiles in the bathroom just above the shower are starting to come loose, lousy French material.
Houllier grout.
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My very small penis and even smaller mind. French fool!
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Ive got a terrible cold.. I must have caught it of GED
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I ran out of milk this morning, when I went into the Kitchen I got a whiff of garlic so it must have been GH finishing it off as there was loads left before, bastard.
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Bringing in Glen Roeder I blame Houllier for that. What was he thinking? And that new security guard.
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Did you see the PFA nominations? Fucking Houllier you wanker.
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had a row with the missus last night over Houllier...French tart.
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I've invited some important German business associates to join me at a client meeting next week and have just discovered that the clients want to talk about something entirely unconnected to said Germans. What were you thinking Gerard ya bastard?
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That new version of TBAR, all Houllier's idea. Fuckwit!
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I was cutting up some branches in the garden when I accidentally grasped one with really sharp thorns. Houllier, you prick.
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The sun's come out in force here in the French Alps and the snow is visibly disappearing. I attribute this catastrophe to the whole garlic-smelling, surrender-monkey nation, but Hou in particular. All will be redeemed if we win handsomely tomorrow.
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I keep double -faulting, thanks Gerard!
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I got a splinter in my thumb and it bloody well hurt, GH's fault for not sanding my door properly, bastard.
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You cheese eating surrender monkey - look what you've done now! To assuage the pain of another defeat I wisely went and backed the Toon to win at 9/2 with a fiver.
Bloody Houllier's gone and ruined it. Bastard. Where's that bedspread and tin of black matt?