Heroes & Villains, the Aston Villa fanzine
Heroes & Villains => Heroes Discussion => Topic started by: greenwichvilla on May 21, 2010, 03:36:55 PM
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Just found this on Facebook, might make the World Cup a bit more interesting. Bit old, but still relevant.
THE RULES.
Emile is seen walking anywhere on the pitch - two fingers of alcohol
Emile is seen sprinting anywhere on the pitch - four fingers of alcohol
Emile pulls a face reminicent of Eyore from Winnie the Pooh because he hasn't been given the ball - Three fingers of alcohol
Reference is made to Emile's previous playing days under Martin O'Neill - Last one to shout out 'FOXES' has to down their drink
Emile's ability to 'hold up the ball' is mentioned - Three fingers of alcohol
Emile comes back to defend a free kick/corner and makes a defensive mare - Last one to shout out 'DONKEY' drinks four fingers of alcohol
Emile falls over (anywhere on the pitch) - half of all drinks must be downed
Emile heads the ball in a directionless fashion, aimed for no one in particular resulting in the ball going out of play - 3 shots
Emile scores - all drinks must be downed.
If Emile's England days are brought up by a commentator - 1 shot
If Emile's potential as a candidate for South Africa are brought up - 3 shots
Every time Martin O'Neill repeats the same tactical substitution of Emile for 'Big John' Carew at around the 70th minute - Everyone must down their drinks followed by a standing ovation.
Emile misses a sitter or trips over the ball - 3 shots
Emile is caught offside - 3 fingers
If Emile repeats his "DJ" or "Putter" celebration – Last one to shout out ‘IVANHOE’ downs their drink
Any reference to his 'Glory days' when partnering Michael Owen: 1 shot
Emile attempts a bicycle kick - Down all drinks
Emile SCORES with a bicycle kick – Another round of drinks in and downed.
A commentator claims that forwards ‘Love to play with Heskey’ – Three fingers
Emile scores a hat trick - 3 pints downed then 3 shots downed, followed by a standing ovation.
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I'm still drunk from drowning my sorrows the day we bought the fecker.
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Emile falls over (anywhere on the pitch) - half of all drinks must be downed
Emile heads the ball in a directionless fashion, aimed for no one in particular resulting in the ball going out of play - 3 shots
These two are harsh !!!
EDIT - Harsh on the drinker that is.
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We'll get hammered next season then LOL
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Emile falls over (anywhere on the pitch) - half of all drinks must be downed
Emile heads the ball in a directionless fashion, aimed for no one in particular resulting in the ball going out of play - 3 shots
These two are harsh !!!
EDIT - Harsh on the drinker that is.
Exactly what I was thinking.
Everyone involved that game would have downed about thirty pints by the end of any standard 90 minute match.
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It's a good job Heskey often only played for about 20 minutes.
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The best Heskey drinking game will be guzzling a bottle of champagne when he fucks off.
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With that much grog being consumed, he'll have a new song by half time:
Piss the pitch, my Lord,
Piss the pitch.
Round support, my lord
Round support.
Oh Lord I've shat my pants.
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The best Heskey drinking game will be guzzling a bottle of champagne when he fucks off.
It's funny because it's true.
*weeps*
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Some of those rules must be sponsored by the tea-total society as the events are so unlikely to happen.
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What do you have to drink for a Man of the match performance in world cup game? (even though he should have buried one)
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What do you have to drink for a Man of the match performance in world cup game? (even though he should have buried one)
What happens then is everyone ignores that fact and continues the sort of hilarious stuff you usually read in a Emile Heskey thread.
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He lasted less than 30 seconds before he fell over as I had a bet running on it! And won.
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You moan about how we can't do any short, technical, integrated passing like the top teams do and how we just keep hitting it long.
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I had a couple of glasses of wine to mark his deft touch that created the opener.
Pity he can't play in goal!
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What do you have to drink for a Man of the match performance in world cup game? (even though he should have buried one)
What happens then is everyone ignores that fact and continues the sort of hilarious stuff you usually read in a Emile Heskey thread.
Can I ask what you were expecting in a thread titled "Emile Heskey drunking game"?
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What do you have to drink for a Man of the match performance in world cup game? (even though he should have buried one)
What happens then is everyone ignores that fact and continues the sort of hilarious stuff you usually read in a Emile Heskey thread.
Can I ask what you were expecting in a thread titled "Emile Heskey drunking game"?
Emile Heskey drunk in game?
It would explain things a bit.
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Emile Heskey drunk in game?
It would explain things a bit.
Never did Macca any harm.
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I thought Emile Heskey had invented a drinking game.
I should have known it was a piss take thread.
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What do you have to drink for a Man of the match performance in world cup game? (even though he should have buried one)
What happens then is everyone ignores that fact and continues the sort of hilarious stuff you usually read in a Emile Heskey thread.
Can I ask what you were expecting in a thread titled "Emile Heskey drunking game"?
The same sort of top drawer comedy that I read in any Emile Heskey thread.
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The same sort of comedy you get from watching Heskey in a one on one with the keeper?
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The same sort of comedy you get from watching Heskey in a one on one with the keeper?
Now, now Martin.
Despite the fact that he couldn't hit a 50 foot pinata whilst clutching W.G.Graces bat, without a blindfold, you must remember the usual mantras
'Works hard for the team'
'Rooney likes him'
'Fabio is a top coach and he knows a lot more about football than you'
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The same sort of comedy you get from watching Heskey in a one on one with the keeper?
Now, now Martin.
Despite the fact that he couldn't hit a 50 foot pinata whilst clutching W.G.Graces bat, without a blindfold, you must remember the usual mantras
'Works hard for the team'
'Rooney likes him'
'Fabio is a top coach and he knows a lot more about football than you'
All correct.
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The same sort of comedy you get from watching Heskey in a one on one with the keeper?
Now, now Martin.
Despite the fact that he couldn't hit a 50 foot pinata whilst clutching W.G.Graces bat, without a blindfold, you must remember the usual mantras
'Works hard for the team'
'Rooney likes him'
'Fabio is a top coach and he knows a lot more about football than you'
Tell us another joke.
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The same sort of comedy you get from watching Heskey in a one on one with the keeper?
Now, now Martin.
Despite the fact that he couldn't hit a 50 foot pinata whilst clutching W.G.Graces bat, without a blindfold, you must remember the usual mantras
'Works hard for the team'
'Rooney likes him'
'Fabio is a top coach and he knows a lot more about football than you'
Tell us another joke.
Heskey's career goalscoring record.
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The same sort of comedy you get from watching Heskey in a one on one with the keeper?
Now, now Martin.
Despite the fact that he couldn't hit a 50 foot pinata whilst clutching W.G.Graces bat, without a blindfold, you must remember the usual mantras
'Works hard for the team'
'Rooney likes him'
'Fabio is a top coach and he knows a lot more about football than you'
Tell us another joke.
Heskey's career goalscoring record.
You just get better and better. I love you.
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The same sort of comedy you get from watching Heskey in a one on one with the keeper?
Now, now Martin.
Despite the fact that he couldn't hit a 50 foot pinata whilst clutching W.G.Graces bat, without a blindfold, you must remember the usual mantras
'Works hard for the team'
'Rooney likes him'
'Fabio is a top coach and he knows a lot more about football than you'
Tell us another joke.
Heskey's career goalscoring record.
You just get better and better. I love you.
Do you want to make love to him?
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Ok, anybody need a new Liver?
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Oh Emile! *headslap*
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Ok, anybody need a new Liver?
Unless they were playing the new Gerrard, Lampard and Rooney being whining, overpaid useless ****** drinking game I don't think so.
He was one of the better players again, played for the team and not himself admittedly he once again he didn't exactly need to be brilliant to be that.
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Well that bit when he tried a stepover and cross was just comical.
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Well that bit when he tried a stepover and cross was just comical.
Don't, I'm still having nightmares about it now. Living, waking, nightmares.
We'll be seeing that a bit more next season, because Emile probably won't go anywhere. :(
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The game told us what we already know.
He's a useless, big lump of shit.
I drank like a fish during the game, I had to, to get through the mind numbing boredom of it.
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Well that bit when he tried a stepover and cross was just comical.
Don't, I'm still having nightmares about it now. Living, waking, nightmares.
We'll be seeing that a bit more next season, because Emile probably won't go anywhere. :(
It looked like Stephen Hawking trying to audition for Riverdance. His legs clearly weren't getting the correct signals from his brain. Please let someone buy him before the next game, I'm getting sick of people refering to him as "Aston Villa's Emile Heskey".
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It was so typical of Emilio Heskus, to have a reasonable game on against the US, and then follow that by being utterly woeful. No more or less woeful than anyone else in an England shirt last night, but woeful none-the-less.
He's just absolute bobbins though. Can't see the appeal at all. And I'm actually wondering just how neither Agbonlahor or Bent could make the squad. At least they'd offer a good balance of strength and pace. It's annoying that Defoe's form has been tepid since the turn of the year too.
There is a genuine and worrying derth in Brit striking quality though (well in other positions to in truth). I remember the time we could call on Shearer, Sheringham, Wright, Ferdinand, Owen.
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Stevie Bull and David Hirst could probably get a game ahead of some of this lot.
I agree on Gabby. He'd give England something different and having watched SWP and Lennon as much as I bitched about Ash last year I'm baffled why he isn't there.