What's the best excuse you could come up with...

[Chico Hamilton III]

There was a guy who got done for kerb crawling in Wolverhampton in his camper van.

He alleged that he had only driven into the red light district to ask for directions to the Severn Valley Railway (which does not of course run anywhere near urban Wolverhampton) and that when the prostitute had asked him if he was "up for business" he thought she meant she was going to work, so he offered her a lift.

He was, amazingly, acquitted.

The fact that he was a JP may or may not have had something to do with it.

I remember the Aberdeen chairman, Gordon Bennett ( honestly) was done for kerb crawling near the city's docks one evening. His excuse was that he was new to the job and was looking for a shortcut from his house to Pittodrie. He resigned shortly afterwards.

Didn't Ron Davies claim to be "badger watching" when he was caught hanging around in a well known cruising spot?

[thick_mike]

A girl in my class used the "automatic gates on my drive were stuck closed, had to wait for the technician to come and fix them" excuse. No, it wasn't Rose McCormack.

[footyskillz]

Well I run a story like this- was doing a poo and my keys fell in the poo. I tried to fish them out with my hands i actually got the keys out ! but stupidly my phone rang I answered my phone it was the cleaning agency ! Thing was though i hadnt washed my hand ! I got it all over my face so I felt  sick. The funny thing is I had a spare set in the cupboard next to the toilet cleaner.  Though Magda who is a toilet cleaner was still winning  the hide and seek double your wages game in the cupboard ! The cleaning agency scrapped my invoice as a trade to give Magda back as they were short staffed. She had made excuses not coming back into work !

This best excuse comes from Magda perspective I think it was a lie

[TheMalandro]

My dog ate my car fob

[Richard E]

I shit myself on the bus and had to go back home to get changed (an excuse someone once used on me).

It wasn't my brother was it?

[Stu]

A mate of mine once called into work sick, stating that he "felt icky". They didn't even give him a bollocking.

[Comrade Blitz]

Binge watching vintage French porn

[cheltenhamlion]

I shit myself on the bus and had to go back home to get changed (an excuse someone once used on me).

It wasn't my brother was it?

He shits on other people, not in his own trousers.

[dave shelley]

Many years ago when I was an apprentice, one of the other apprentices was continually having time off and when he did arrive he was invariably late.  He was missing for about four days one time and arrived with a note from his mother which said, "**** hasn't been in work for the past few days because he is frightened of the foreman!"

When my son was teaching in a school in Acocks Green, he showed me a note from the mother of one of his pupils.  It read, "**** will not be able to do P.E. today as he was shot on the way home last night".  Not to worry though, it was only an air gun.  I have the note here somewhere.

[Dominic22]

I work for a Parcel firm and if in the office take a few calls re them not coming in prior to there shift. I have had some horrific and some terrifying ones.

But last week I had a lad call up and say his iron would not work and he is "a bit OCD" about creases in shirts. He loads parcels in a back of a lorry all night  and they don't even have a uniform. 

[amfy]

In a more down market version of Ross McCormack's story - When I was a manager, I had someone ring in on a Monday and tell me that the handle had come off the inside of the door of their tower block flat, and they hadn't been able to get out since Saturday because they had to wait for the neighbourhood office to open to report it.

[Hopadop]

Years ago when working at London Transport I was reviewing a load of bus driver accident reports. One was by a driver who crashed into a car when a bee flew into his cab.

In the section where you're asked to sketch the scene, relative positions of vehicles etc. he drew a big cartoon bee.