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Author Topic: 0% Villa 100% vital - Beckham watch  (Read 4478 times)

Offline Rip Van We Go Again

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0% Villa 100% vital - Beckham watch
« on: January 18, 2011, 03:31:17 PM »
Please post all updates of Beckham's development on here.
I can't stress enough how important it is that we're kept up to date and SSN seem to have slacked off somewhat.

I'll start

From eatsleepfootball.com

BECKHAM IN TOE FUNGUS SHOCKER

The world of football was rocked today when it was revealed that David Beckham is suffering from a toe fungal issue as he steps up his training with Tottenham Hotspur.
Harry Redknapp explained the crisis to the assembled worlds media at a hastily arranged press conference at 1400 hours (GMT)


''David has been 'triffic since he's been with us, but he's been struck with a fungal infection on his big toe. Fungal infections are very common on both fingernail and toenails. It is a living organism that thrives in dark, damp environments such as under and around nails. Toes are more likely to be affected by fungus since it is attracted to a dark and damp environment which is more common on the foot than on the hand.''

''Our 'foughts are with David and his family at this time, so i'd appreciate it if the press don't badger him and wait for our usual hourly updates at this time of crisis.''

Redkapp refused to confirm or deny that The Archbishop of Canterbury had offered to provide counselling for Beckham and his associates.

Meanwhile, a special phone line has been set up by the White Hart Lane club for anybody who wishes to send messages of support.

Online Brend'Watkins

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Re: 0% Villa 100% vital - Beckham watch
« Reply #1 on: January 18, 2011, 04:09:26 PM »
SSN

"Let's go straight over to Totenham's training ground to our reporter there"

SSN arse licking reporter: "David, what do you think of the impending transfer of Darren Bent to Villa"?

Sir David elect:  (3 minutes of Yeahs and knows and some other indecipherable rubbish)"... obviously a quality player who gets goals.  Hopefully I can be the one crossing  for him to score come the world cup in Qatar as I don't think I'll be quite fit enough for the Russian World Cup...but I'm getting there... obviously".

SSN arse licking reporter: "Great news there for all England fans, Beckham fans and fans of football all over the world, back to you in the studio".






Offline Bad English

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Re: 0% Villa 100% vital - Beckham watch
« Reply #2 on: January 18, 2011, 04:25:35 PM »
From themeaningevil.com

Birmingham man due in court after Beckham hate slur shock rampage

Tony Banner, 47, of Roach Close, Chelmsley Wood is to be remanded in custody* after a vile, shocking and unprovoked attack in the local Coppice Fish Bar. Stunned witnesses, who were watching a sports news report on the chippie's 27" LCD TV while queueing for fish bits and curry sauce, were still reeling after Villa fan Banner was heard to mutter "Bleeding Nora! It's that Beckham again, E's gerrin' on my tits a bit now. What about the Tunisian crisis, eh?"

I nearly swallowed my Ken's battered sausage

Luckily the quick-thinking owner kept the dangerous offender talking while a civic-minded passing security guard called the police and removed the muzzle from his Rottweiler before unleashing it in self-defence. Mabel Kettle, of Craig Croft told us "It was absolutely despicable: he just went for him out of the blue. I've never seen anything like it. And to think the Queen herself was here to open this shopping centre just 40 years ago. It could have been worse."

*Detectives are expecting to initiate deportation proceedings when Banner comes out of intensive care next month. Beckham was given two days off training after manager 'arry Redknapp was told of the incident, and Tottenham customers will be observing a 45 minute candlelit vigil during the first half of the net three home games.
« Last Edit: January 18, 2011, 04:27:31 PM by Bad English »

Offline Pete3206

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Re: 0% Villa 100% vital - Beckham watch
« Reply #3 on: January 18, 2011, 05:44:51 PM »
Breaking news............Beckham takes a shit.

Currently in trap 4 of the Spurs training ground. Jim White standing by with a roll of Charmin. We'll keep you updated via bog cam.




Offline Rip Van We Go Again

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Re: 0% Villa 100% vital - Beckham watch
« Reply #4 on: January 18, 2011, 05:46:36 PM »
Breaking news............Beckham takes a shit.

Currently in trap 4 of the Spurs training ground. Jim White standing by with a roll of Charmin. We'll keep you updated via bog cam.




Charmin ran out, so Jim fuckwit White gladly used his tongue.

Offline The Man With A Stick

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Re: 0% Villa 100% vital - Beckham watch
« Reply #5 on: January 18, 2011, 05:47:12 PM »
I can exclusively reveal that Romeo had fish fingers and red sauce for lunch, his favourite.  He had an ickle poo shortly afterwards and it was quite a soft one, a similar consistency to a Weetabix that's been sat in a bowl of milk for five minutes.

Full story to follow.

Offline villajk

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Re: 0% Villa 100% vital - Beckham watch
« Reply #6 on: January 18, 2011, 05:49:16 PM »
You lot have all gone mad.

Offline Pete3206

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Re: 0% Villa 100% vital - Beckham watch
« Reply #7 on: January 18, 2011, 05:51:20 PM »
You lot have all gone mad.

We're in a good mood today.

Offline Rip Van We Go Again

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Re: 0% Villa 100% vital - Beckham watch
« Reply #8 on: January 18, 2011, 05:53:24 PM »
God bless you Beckham, you are truly the Queen of hearts.

Offline villajk

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Re: 0% Villa 100% vital - Beckham watch
« Reply #9 on: January 18, 2011, 06:08:36 PM »

Offline darren woolley

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Re: 0% Villa 100% vital - Beckham watch
« Reply #10 on: January 18, 2011, 06:15:21 PM »
Beckham get's splinter in thumb at training ground paramedics say he is in stable condition.

 


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