The Emile Heskey Drinking Game

[greenwichvilla]

Just found this on Facebook, might make the World Cup a bit more interesting. Bit old, but still relevant.

THE RULES.


Emile is seen walking anywhere on the pitch - two fingers of alcohol

Emile is seen sprinting anywhere on the pitch - four fingers of alcohol

Emile pulls a face reminicent of Eyore from Winnie the Pooh because he hasn't been given the ball - Three fingers of alcohol

Reference is made to Emile's previous playing days under Martin O'Neill - Last one to shout out 'FOXES' has to down their drink

Emile's ability to 'hold up the ball' is mentioned - Three fingers of alcohol

Emile comes back to defend a free kick/corner and makes a defensive mare - Last one to shout out 'DONKEY' drinks four fingers of alcohol

Emile falls over (anywhere on the pitch) - half of all drinks must be downed

Emile heads the ball in a directionless fashion, aimed for no one in particular resulting in the ball going out of play - 3 shots

Emile scores - all drinks must be downed.

If Emile's England days are brought up by a commentator - 1 shot

If Emile's potential as a candidate for South Africa are brought up - 3 shots

Every time Martin O'Neill repeats the same tactical substitution of Emile for 'Big John' Carew at around the 70th minute - Everyone must down their drinks followed by a standing ovation.

Emile misses a sitter or trips over the ball - 3 shots

Emile is caught offside - 3 fingers

If Emile repeats his "DJ" or "Putter" celebration – Last one to shout out ‘IVANHOE’ downs their drink

Any reference to his 'Glory days' when partnering Michael Owen: 1 shot

Emile attempts a bicycle kick - Down all drinks

Emile SCORES with a bicycle kick – Another round of drinks in and downed.

A commentator claims that forwards ‘Love to play with Heskey’ – Three fingers

Emile scores a hat trick - 3 pints downed then 3 shots downed, followed by a standing ovation.

[Jimbo]

I'm still drunk from drowning my sorrows the day we bought the fecker.

[Dave P]

Emile falls over (anywhere on the pitch) - half of all drinks must be downed

Emile heads the ball in a directionless fashion, aimed for no one in particular resulting in the ball going out of play - 3 shots

These two are harsh !!!

EDIT - Harsh on the drinker that is.

[Somebody_Told_Me]

We'll get hammered next season then LOL

[KevinGage]

Emile falls over (anywhere on the pitch) - half of all drinks must be downed

Emile heads the ball in a directionless fashion, aimed for no one in particular resulting in the ball going out of play - 3 shots

These two are harsh !!!

EDIT - Harsh on the drinker that is.

Exactly what I was thinking.

Everyone involved that game would have downed about thirty pints by the end of any standard 90 minute match.

[OCD]

It's a good job Heskey often only played for about 20 minutes.

[Rip Van We Go Again]

The best Heskey drinking game will be guzzling a bottle of champagne when he fucks off.

[BannedUserIAT]

With that much grog being consumed, he'll have a new song by half time:

Piss the pitch, my Lord,
Piss the pitch.
Round support, my lord
Round support.

Oh Lord I've shat my pants.

[phantom limb]

The best Heskey drinking game will be guzzling a bottle of champagne when he fucks off.

It's funny because it's true.




*weeps*

[SashasGrandad]

Some of those rules must be sponsored by the tea-total society as the events are so unlikely to happen.

[Somebody_Told_Me]

What do you have to drink for a Man of the match performance in world cup game? (even though he should have buried one)

[Olneythelonely]

What do you have to drink for a Man of the match performance in world cup game? (even though he should have buried one)

What happens then is everyone ignores that fact and continues the sort of hilarious stuff you usually read in a Emile Heskey thread.

[London Villan]

He lasted less than 30 seconds before he fell over as I had a bet running on it!  And won.

[OCD]

You moan about how we can't do any short, technical, integrated passing like the top teams do and how we just keep hitting it long.

[SashasGrandad]

I had a couple of glasses of wine to mark his deft touch that created the opener.

Pity he can't play in goal!